I scowled. I was tired of this. Tired of people thinking I was weak or couldn't do things on my own. I was tired of everyone acting like I needed to be coddled. The problem was, I wasn't sure I could do this on my own. I didn't want them to treat me like I didn't know what I was doing, but when it came to my personal life, I really didn't know. Tonight had been absolute proof.

I needed help, but I didn't want to get it from Adelle or Mindy. No, I needed it from someone who didn't have a personal stake in it. In me.

And I happened to know just the person.

Chapter 5

I kept telling myself that I'd made the right decision, that this was the best way to get what I wanted. It still didn't keep my palms from sweating or my heart from racing as I walked toward the little café where I'd arranged to meet Cade. The little voice in the back of my head that had been telling me for years how a good girl was supposed to behave had been yelling at me since I'd called him last night and it wasn't getting any quieter.

I paused at the café door and asked myself one last time if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. If I did this, there would be no going back. I would have to own this decision, and since Cade's proposal had included Adelle paying for his services, it meant admitting to my friends what I'd done. There was no way I could afford him on my own, not on my budget, and I wasn't about to go to someone on the street. And as much as it pained me to admit it, I was attracted to Cade, and our night together left me certain I would physically enjoy the experience.

“It's time to take charge,” I whispered to myself. “I'm a grown woman and this is a business transaction.”

My little pep talk didn't ease my nerves, but it did at least quieten that voice and allow me to think.

I stepped inside and scanned the room. I was early, but Cade was earlier. I spotted him sitting at a table next to one of the massive glass windows. He nodded in greeting but didn't come to me. That was fine. I didn't want anyone mistaking this for a date. And by anyone, I meant me. I went to the counter and ordered coffee, but decided to forgo my usual caffeine and asked for decaf. I didn't need anything to make me more jittery. I didn't even actually want the coffee, but I'd feel better if I had something to keep my hands around and sip from to help stop me from fidgeting. I needed to appear in control. I was the one who'd initiated contact, the one who was calling the shots.

I slipped into the seat across from Cade, my best professional expression on my face. I met his gaze but couldn't read anything. His face was casually blank, not in an expressionless way, but rather like someone who was mildly interested in whatever was going on around him.

“You said you wanted to discuss my offer?” He broke the silence and I was grateful for that. I hadn't been sure how to best approach the subject, and it wasn't like either of us wanted to make small talk.

“I do,” I said. Heat rose in my cheeks, but I refused to look down. “I'd like to take you up on it.”

If he was surprised by my decision, he didn't show it. He did, however, ask, “What prompted the change of heart?”

“I'm tired of my friends acting like I'm some charity case when it comes to men,” I said. “And I'm sick of attracting men like my ex.”

Cade nodded and took a sip of his drink. “So what is it, specifically, you want out of this?”

I frowned, confused. Wasn’t he the one who was supposed to tell me that? “Whatever it is you think I need.”

For a moment, I could've sworn I saw something like desire flash across his eyes, but I dismissed it as a trick of light. I wasn't going to do that, read into little nuances and try to convince myself that I was different, special.

“All right,” he said, his voice neutral.

“Everything having to do with payment goes through Adelle,” I continued with the next point on the list I'd written down this morning. “Whatever you charge, extra expense, anything like that, you deal with her. I don't care how and when she pays you. It's between the two of you. I never want to hear about it. Ever.” I couldn't stop myself from adding, “Considering you've dealt with her before with this kind of transaction; I figured you two already have an understanding.”

“Makes sense,” he agreed. He leaned back in his chair, the tight t-shirt he was wearing hugging his muscles.

I could see it now, how his every move was designed to draw attention to his body. Despite myself, a stab of arousal went through me. That was good, I supposed. I wouldn't want to get into this with someone whose touch I couldn't stand.

“Since I'm not discussing money with you,” he said. “I suppose we should start on the other terms.”

“Other terms?” I was confused, but curious.

One corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement. “Trust me, there's plenty we need to talk about before we get started.”

I blinked. I hadn't expected this. I'd thought I'd come in, tell him to deal with Adelle for his payments, we'd set up a time to begin, and that would be it. I hadn't thought we’d need to have some lengthy conversation.

“First, there's one rule I have for clients who hire me for more than one session. No matter what verbal contract we've agreed to, this will end if you become emotionally attached.”

“Good,” I retorted. “And I expect the same if you become 'emotionally attached to me.' The last thing I need is you following me around like a lost little puppy.”

A look of surprise crossed his face and I caught a flash of amusement in his eyes. Both were smoothed away in seconds, hidden behind his mask. “Since we've agreed on that, I need to know your sexual history,” he said it so matter-of-factly it took me a minute to process it.

“Why?” I asked. “What does it matter? You know I'm not a virgin.”

He ran his hand through his curls and I wondered if it was a nervous habit or a planned gesture. “During a normal session, part of the process of the night would be to learn what the client wants. I'm usually quite skilled at discerning needs. But, for what you're asking, it's different.” He shifted in his seat and leaned his elbows on the table, clasping his hands in front of him. “You feel like there's something wrong with you.”

I opened my mouth to protest, then snapped it shut again. He was right. This was why I'd come to him in the first place.

“I need to know what that something is,” he continued. “Both what you think and the reality.”

I mimicked his position, trying not to think about how close our hands were. “What do you want to know?”

“You said you’ve only had sex with one man other than me.”

I nodded.

“How long had you and your ex been together?”

“Seven years,” I answered automatically. “We started dating my freshman year of college.”

“When did you begin sleeping together?”

This wasn't too bad, I thought. It wasn't like my choices were anything to be ashamed of. “My sophomore year.”

“So you were, what, nineteen when you lost your virginity?” Cade gave me a searching look. “And you're in your mid-twenties now?”

I nodded again. “Twenty-five.”

“So in those six years, you never had sex with anyone else?”

“No. I never cheated.”

“What about threesomes? Or your ex watching you with someone else?”

For a moment, I thought he was joking, but then I realized he was serious. “Um, no. None of that.”

“So you've never been with a woman either, right?”

Heat rose in my cheeks. “Adelle and I got drunk at a party in college and kissed, but I don't remember it. Does that count?”

Cade's lips twitched and I got the impression he was trying not to laugh. “No. Sorry.”

I sat back in my seat and put my hands on my lap. “Is that it? You know my whole history now. One guy, period.”