As soon as the door clicks behind her, I reach over and mash the remote till it hits something I’m interested in. The TV is always on no matter where I am. I call it research even though my friends call it laziness. I’m somewhat of an actor, though. I say it counts.
Neil Patrick Harris is first up on the entertainment news of the day, and I toast my coffee mug up to the acting god himself. It’s because of his genius character on How I Met Your Mother that I am…
wait for it…
…awesome.
I’ve taken what I call “The Stinson Approach” to all things in my life. Quick background: Barney Stinson is a character on that brilliant show who achieved the thing I didn’t know was possible. He went through his entire life sleeping around, different woman every night, rarely the same woman twice, and was easily the happiest character on the show. I majored in acting just to see if I could get a taste of what Barney could do with his elaborate schemes.
Well…turns out when you tell a woman that she’s your everything, that you can’t stop thinking about her, that she turns your world on its head—all in the name of acting—she doesn’t just give it away. In fact, most of the time she calls you out on your bullshit. Nope, it can’t be as easy as Barney makes it out to be.
All right, so my life might not be awesome right now. But it will be. I think I’m almost at that place where I can really embrace my inner Barney Stinson. See, Barney has one thing going for him that I don’t.
Money.
Struggling actor = broke.
Broke = fewer women.
Fewer women = can’t be picky.
So I thought, when I caught my big break, the women would flock to the cash flow. Then I realized that there was no cash flow, and what little I did make from the small-screen movie went straight into Grandma’s bank account for the house I’m trying to buy her.
The brunette hosting switches topics, and I sit up at the mention of Carletta.
“Turns out Carletta Ocean’s new film might be delayed, costing the studio a large sum of money. Up-and-coming actor Ian Ritter walked off set and away from his leading role playing opposite Carletta after a heated argument about the cat she kept on set. Ian’s highly allergic, and when Carletta refused to keep the feline in her trailer, Ian hit the road. Now producers are searching the globe for a leading man. The only qualification they seem to be looking for came from screenwriter and producer Killion Jacobs, who says, ‘He better be comfortable with partial nudity.’ Whether he’s talking about in the film or behind the scenes is another question.”
“Oh, I’m comfortable with it,” I tell the TV, grinning like a buffoon and grateful Shay has left the room. The brunette keeps talking about how open auditions will be held in Alabama next week, but she’s gotta check her sources. Because Shay called up the casting director this morning, sent in one of my tapes and the Syfy movie I was the lead in, The Walking Stiff. Not three hours later, Carletta was inviting me to an exclusive audition. Hells yeah.
“Prepare yourself, boys,” I say to the Smurfs out loud because I’m just that damn happy, “we’re in for a wild ride.”
Love stories you’ll never forget
By authors you’ll always remember
eOriginal Romance from Random House
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