Days and days go by and my hope dwindles even more as my body continues to heal after each cut Colin gives me. He is proud with his cutting. He sees them as some form of love bites. Love cuts. It’s fucking dysfunctional insanity. I have near constant panic attacks about when he will cut me again rather when he will want to fuck. That just goes to show how fucking awful it is. He’s sick, twisted, distorted, and he’s killing me slowly. My body is marred just like he said he would do. I hate him. But, I hate myself even more.

My mom and dad have to know everything now. The thought of them suffering in any way haunts me every night when I close my eyes and try to sleep with the smell of unwanted sex lingering in the air. The repulsive taste of Colin’s lips on mine. His scent all over me. Sleep vaguely comes. I drift in and out every night with thoughts of my family and friends. I want to die. To end my life by my own hands as a means to an end.

Colin has gone to the store once again to get more bandages and alcohol. I’m not sure when I last ate a full meal. I wake up, have sex, he cuts me, he bandages me up, we have sex again, and sometime during the day, I eat noodles and he makes me drink alcohol until I pass out. When he goes to the store, however, I am afforded some time to go a little crazy about how the hell to get the fuck out of here.

I am staring out the kitchen window at the brown, cold landscape, day dreaming. If I can even call it that. I wonder what he did with Annie’s body. I wonder, again, how far Heath made it before he dropped. Then, like seeing a lake in the middle of a desert, I see a blue sedan flying down the country road toward the house. Colin doesn’t drive a sedan. He drives the farm truck while the limo sits behind the barn. As the car comes closer, I see a little red light streaming on and off, like a siren, but it’s inside on the dashboard of the car.

As the car comes closer, my breath hitches and I start to freak out. Either this person is here for Colin or they are here for me. I go to the silverware drawer to grab a knife, but there aren’t any. Mother fucker got rid of everything I might use to hurt him. I grab a plastic fork and laugh at how it won’t do a God damn thing to help me live if this guy isn’t here to save me.

The man jumps out of the car with a clipboard. He is wearing a polka dot tie and a corduroy blazer. He looks like an old English professor. As he walks toward the porch to the front door, I know he isn’t here for Colin or me. This is a random visit from someone looking for something else.

I don’t waste a moment. Running out the door, I jump on him.

“Help me. God, fucking help me. He’s keeping me here against my will. He killed two people. Help me. Please,” I scream. I can’t stop. I’m crying. I’m out of control.

The guy looks at me like he’s just seen a homicide. He slowly backs away from me.

“No, no, no. Please. Don’t leave. Please. Just let me…let me use your phone. Let me give you a phone number to call. You’ll see. I was kidnapped weeks ago from Chicago. People are looking for me.”

“Miss, I’m just a Census Bureau worker. I’m here to see if this farm is still in working order. I don’t know anything about your business with your family. I just have some questions about the animals you have here on the farm.”

Is he fucking serious? Did he not just hear what I said about being a fucking missing person?

“Fine. I’ll tell you everything you need to know if I can just use your phone,” I say. I try to remain calm, but everything in me is dying. I look up at the road every five seconds to be sure I don’t see the truck coming. “Please, do it quick before he comes back. He will shoot you. He will fucking stab you if he comes. Please. Let me use the phone.”

The guy looks at me with a dubious expression. “Is this some kind of joke?” he laughs. He pulls out a cell phone and I snatch it out of his hand with all my energy.

One fucking bar. He barely has any service. I send a quick prayer up to the Gods of cell phone service and start to punch in the numbers.

It takes forever to connect, but it does. Oh my God. It’s ringing.

“Hello?” her voice is strained. She sounds so tired and sad.

“Lola. It’s Luca. Help me. Oh God, please help me.”

“Luca!” she screams. “Where are you? Where the fuck are you?”

“God damn it, where am I?” I ask the man.

He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. After a pause, he looks down at the clipboard in his hands and points.

“Off Heritage Road in Holly Oak, Iowa. It’s the only farm on the road. Help me, Lola. Help. Please. He’s hurting me every day. I can’t get away. I’m too weak.”

That’s when both of us hear the approaching car coming down the road. Everything is again in slow motion. “Please come quick. He’s coming right now and I don’t know what he’s going to do.”

I give the man back his phone.

“Act like you never talked to me. Act like there hasn’t been any answer to your knocking. Act dumb. When you get back to a town, please, please send the police.”

I hurry back inside and head into the bathroom to draw a bath. I quickly undress so it looks like I was in the tub the whole time. I am shaking so badly, I can hardly breathe right.

I hear Colin outside and he’s arguing with the man. Please, old man, please go away and don’t act like I’m in here. I strip down and look at the body I no longer recognize. It looks like I got caught up in a food processor. The raised cuts all over my stomach and legs make me want to cry and yet, I have to pretend to know nothing right now. What the hell am I going to do when he gets in here?

Colin slams through the bathroom door just as I am easing into the hot water. I look up with the fakest smile I can muster.

“Hey, babe. How was town? Did you get that champagne I love?”

He knows I know something, because he is seething. It is then that I notice he is holding a big knife and it has blood on it. My face drops when I see little bloody droplets bounce onto the linoleum floor of the bathroom.

“I think you are done with your bath now,” he deadpans. He knows I talked to that man, because I’ve never seen his face like this before. It’s do or die time. That is what his face is telling me and fuck, fuck, fuck, I am going to die.

I gradually get up from the bath and start to go for a towel when Colin sternly shakes his head. I look up into his eyes and I go so cold. He grabs my arm and forces me out of the bathroom. He walks me through the kitchen and out through the porch, where I see the man lying on the ground, writhing in pain. Oh, thank God, he isn’t dead, but he can’t help me now. The police won’t come anytime soon and if Lola heard me, she won’t be here for hours or know where exactly to send help to.

I don’t have hours. I have a few minutes. Maybe not even that long.

I walk completely naked and freezing to the barn. He takes me to a different stall than I’d been in before. There is a cross like structure with chains and leather bands. He pushes me up against it and I start to freak out.

“No, please, Colin. Please. I’m so cold, please. I don’t want to be out here all alone. Please, don’t do this. I’ll do anything you ask me to do.”

“Shut up, bitch! You told that man you were here against your will! How could you disappoint me and do that to us? We’ve been so happy these past few weeks! How could you? You’ve broken my heart before, but this? This is unforgivable. It’s time you had your end punishment.” Colin is so enraged; I can’t get a word in. He won’t let me try to talk to him. Like a robot, he chains me up. He bands my ankles, grabbing something from the corner of the stall, and in seconds, I feel a sharp cut across my chest.

He is whipping me so hard and fast that I can’t take a breath before he whips me again. Tears and blood fall from my body as I cry out each time the whip connects with my wet, naked body.