“A sign for what exactly?”

“A sign that you need to stop. For some unknown reason the two of you have found each other again. Don’t you find that to be a coincidence?” he questioned.

For fifteen minutes we bantered back and forth, me coming up with excuses why I should tell Camden to leave and due to our current circumstances, I don’t feel comfortable helping him market his business, but I would be more than happy to refer him to another firm. Then Carl pulled my feet right out from under me when he said for me to give it a week before thinking I’m not meant to be with Camden, so now, here I stand in my kitchen in another snow storm feeling like I’ve been struck by the Deja vu goddess.

“You’ve been avoiding me, Luca.” Camden slinks up beside me. He’s close, but not close enough to touch me. He’s in a pair of dark jeans, a black sweater, and black socks. He looks so cozy, like this is his comfort zone. Even though seconds ago he basically stated he hated the cold.

“Yes, no. I don’t know.” I shrug.

“Hmm.” He cages me in again. This seems to be a habit, this caging me in so I feel the need to either swallow my pride and surrender or stiffen my spine and put a stop to it.

“I did have to make a call. It’s done,” I say blankly.

“What’s done?” He runs his hand down my cheek. God damn it, when he does sweet things like that, I lose focus. I shiver, not from the cold, but from his touch. I need away from him if we are going to talk about this. I duck under his long lean arm like a slinky sneaky cat. With an unladylike snort, I dodge from his grasp, twirling around, my hands held up in surrender. “Listen please.” I beg mercifully.

“Alright.” He mocks me by holding up his hands in surrender as well.

Taking a deep breath, I say, “You have to know how hard this is for me to walk away from a life I enjoy, Camden.” Instantly, his face turns pale. Camden looks like I’ve just struck him in the chest. I think of how my words must have sounded to him. He thinks I mean the sex and that truly isn’t it at all. Day one and I’ve already fucked it all up.

I sigh. “It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s just, it’s all I know. She’s a part of me, Camden, and I feel like I’m grieving. I’m swallowing her for a man I barely know.” He gazes between me and the floor, remorse written all over his handsome face.

“The life you lead is entirely my fault. I’m the one who showed you, told you about all the finer things a woman deserves in her life. I just never knew you would really take me up on it.” He scowls before continuing, “You deserve everything I told you a stunning woman like you should have, but not this way, Luca. Somewhere along the way you’ve lost yourself. The true you, the “carefree, I don’t give a shit about the way I look” Luca. The woman who stole my heart when I laid next to her peacefully sleeping in my arms. The woman I can give those things to. Me. Not someone else.”

I pinch my brows together. I’m so damn confused. So exhausted, I don’t know what to think about anything anymore, except god I want to try. With him. “How old are you?” I probe, cocking my head to the side.

“Old enough?” he smirks.

“Seriously. Come on?”

“I’m thirty-seven.”

Thinking about our age difference, I wonder what the hell he’s been doing for the past ten years.

“What is it?” he asks. “Why do you look like you are trying to come up with the answers to all of life’s questions?”

I smile softly at Camden. It’s not something I want to think about. For some reason, it feels like we just picked up where we left off a decade ago, but that can’t be. I have to know what he’s done with his life. In an instant, he proved to me that I should stop my life as Lucia, for now, to see where this goes and yet, I know nothing about his life.

“Who have you been with all this time? You couldn’t have been waiting for me all alone.” I urge him to talk with a little nudge to his side.

He looks chagrined and I can’t help but cringe on the inside.

“My life hasn’t been all roses, Luca. It’s been hard. I was a total playboy before I first met you. I didn’t care how many women I had been with. Then, that weekend with you was something I’d never experienced before. I felt powerful and in control. I felt like I meant something to someone. It was a trip that I’ll never forgot.” He sighs and I look at him with expectation.

“So,” I say. “What did you do after we went our separate ways?”

He rubs his chin with his palm and looks at me like he is a little boy.

“I dated again. I went out with women, but for at least a year, I couldn’t…you know,” he trails off.

“Couldn’t what?” I ask with a devious smile on my face. He grabs a comb off the table nearby and throws it at my chest. I laugh and his eyes melt onto mine. He loves me. I can feel it.

“I never came with any of those women. I don’t know what you did to me, but after that, I stopped having sex with them once they were satisfied. When I realized there was no way I would get off, I found a reason to leave.”

“Wow,” I say, my eyes wide and heart pounding from his admission.

“After that, I met with women who only resembled you while I started to semi-seriously look for you. Sometimes, I called out your name during sex and sometimes those women didn’t really care when I did it. It wasn’t a life that I am proud of.”

“You did that for ten years?” I ask in shock.

He shook his head with an intense scowl on his face. “No way. I think my junk might have fell off if I did.”

We both laugh.

“I met a woman named Francis about three years after meeting you. She was amazing, but I fell in love with her for all the wrong reasons. She was a student, nearly fifteen years younger than me. She was a lot like you. Driven, sensual, and loved to have things that I provided for her. We were together for four years. We traveled and I even met her parents. It took a long time to warm up to those two.” He shrugs and I feel…jealous. So fucking jealous that I want to find this Francis girl and rip every hair out of her perfect head. He was mine first.

“She was killed in a car accident about three years ago. She was traveling to see me in California and a semi clipped the front of her car and sent it into a tail spin.”

My breath left my lungs as shock overtakes me. I feel like throwing up. Senseless and stupid I am for being jealous of a dead woman. How shallow am I really? What kind of fucking life have I been living? I feel like such a fucking bitch and there isn’t anything I can do to redeem myself.

“What? How? Are you ok?” I stammer out my reply. I am lost in thought of whatever he must’ve felt at losing her, as he watches me with intensity, causing a stir of emotions like nothing I’ve felt from a man…ever.

“I’m okay now. The first year was really tough. Her parents blamed me for her death, because if I wasn’t trying to start Steel Charter, I might’ve gone to her that weekend. We were living with one another, but we still kept separate places due to my company traveling. When I traveled, I didn’t always take her along, but once I was back in San Francisco, I stayed with her most of the time. That weekend I took a meeting in Los Angeles and instead of flying, she decided to drive to meet me. I have to believe she wanted some time to think on the drive. She loved quiet, alone time. She was an introvert in some ways, but her brain was magnificent. She really worked hard to be independent.”

I slowly approach Camden, lying my hand on his chest, and placing my lips to his chin. “I’m so sorry, Camden.”

He wraps his arms around me and snuggles his face into the nook of my neck. He inhales and exhales over and over, relaxing into me. We hug for long, long moments and I feel his warmth flowing into my body. It was the thing I felt the most from him when I was younger. It was his willingness to take me into his arms and protect me. He loved on me in the short time we had together and made me feel like I was special. That never went away as his hold on me shows, and my God, if he is back here for me so he can provide that to me, then I am ready to be protected, loved, and cherished. In the same way, I want to protect him to and make him feel the things he makes me feel. Show him our love and commitment is a two way street.