“I’m gonna go. Something tells me that you can do more for her than I can.”

Not wanting to be found, I slip back inside my room. Right before I shut my door, I hear Harper threaten Jax.

“I don’t care that you’ve been in her life forever, I will murder you,” Harper says darkly. “If you make her worse than she is now, you will regret ever breathing. I promise you.”

Whoa. She’s a badass. If I was on the receiving end of that, I’m pretty sure I would have pissed my pants. I’ve never heard her talk like that before. Each word was laced with such promise that I have no doubt that she will follow through.

Footsteps come down the hallway so I’m forced to run across my room and jump on my bed. I should pretend to be asleep. I don’t. I just wait. Straining to listen, I hear the door shut and then heavy footsteps. I perch on the end of my bed and hold my breath. I count to twelve in my head before I hear Jax sigh loudly. Don’t leave. Please don’t leave me again.

Jax opens my door. He doesn’t say anything and neither do I. Silently, I watch him walk over to my dresser and pull out pjs.

“I’m gonna help you into this.”

It’s the only one of his shirts I kept. I couldn’t part with it, it’s the very first shirt I stole from him. It’s faded, has a large hole on the hem, but otherwise in decent condition.

“If you don’t want me to, I’ll turn around, but I’m not leaving.”

All I hear is he isn’t leaving. He’s going to stay. I try to give him a small smile to let him know that I’m okay, but I fail.

“Hands up.”

Raising my hands, I study his face. He doesn’t take his gaze off mine while he removes my shirt. He slides his old shirt over my head, but before sliding it all the way off, he reaches behind me and unclasps my bra. He slips each strap off my shoulders and tugs my bra out of the sleeve, all without taking his eyes off mine.

“Up.”

I stand and rest my head on his hard chest, exhausted. He unbuttons my pants and slides them past my butt.

“Sit,” he orders quietly when he’s pushed them down as far as he can.

Jax finishes pulling off my pants with practiced ease. Even though the pain from seeing him is so painful that I have to rub my chest, I’m happy he’s here. It’s as if I’m losing him all over again. Which is stupid. He wasn’t even mine. Can’t lose something I’ve never had.

“. . . everything or just the end?” Jax asks

“What?”

Jax regards me with a small grin. He knows why I wasn’t paying attention. I love that he isn’t treating me differently, like I’m made of glass. I love that he’s still being the Jax that I know and love. Love. No. I don’t love him love him. I love him like a dear friend. Yeah, I can’t even swallow that down without an eye roll. Hopefully if I say it enough times, I will start to believe it. If only it was that simple.

“I asked if you heard everything or just the end.”

I shrug in answer. I have no idea how he knows that I was listening to him and Harper, but then again it’s Jax.

“Thought so,” he says as he gets up.

I can’t help the panic that overtakes me. When he strides past my door and to the bathroom, I’m finally able to breathe normally. He’s not leaving.

Jax holds up my hair brush like it’s a gold medal. His face falls when he sees my panic. In a few long strides, Jax is bending down so that we’re on the same level.

“I’m. Not. Leaving,” he says slowly.

Resting my head against his forehead I give him my first real smile tonight. It’s small but it’s real. Just being in his presence comforts me. It reminds me of our childhood, simpler times. After another minute or two that goes by too quickly, I finally pull away from him. I have to remind myself that he’s only here for the night. He isn’t staying. I only have this one night with him before reality returns.

If I only have tonight with Jax, I’m going to make the best of it. I’m going to say good-bye to him for good. After tonight, I will move on. It will hurt, most days will be worse than the day before, but I’ll survive. The worst has already happened to me. I can handle losing the man I love. I don’t want to, but I’ll move on to someone else. It might be Kohen. It might not. I know whoever I fall in love with, I will never be able to feel the same way I do about Jax. Jax is my great love. My soul yearns for him.

“I don’t remember hair brushes being part of our sleepover requirements when we were younger,” I say over my shoulder when he starts to brush my hair.

“Well, since you don’t need a first aid kit for me, I thought we could change tonight up a bit.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal.

I try to act nonchalant even though I feel anything but nonchalance remembering the countless times I patched up his dad’s handiwork.

“So you’re going to brush my hair?” I ask again.

“Yes and you’re going to talk to me.”

I don’t say anything. What do you say when an unbelievably hot man tells you he’s going to brush your hair while you pour out your feelings? Nothing. So instead I relax into him.

“Where were you going tonight? Shouldn’t you have been at dinner with Logan?” Jax asks me after about ten minutes.

The soft strokes of the brush almost hypnotize me into sleep, but remembering where I saw him and what he was doing jolts me awake. Gritting my teeth, I count to five slowly, attempting to calm down.

“I was going for a walk,” I say once I’m sure I won’t lash out at him.

He nods as if this makes perfect sense. After another minute he sets the brush down on the nightstand. Then he drags me to him so I’m resting against his chest while he leans against the headboard. I melt into him thinking that the interrogation ended.

“How was therapy?”

I should have known better. Jax isn’t known for letting things go.

“Fine.”

“Obviously you got worked up. That’s why you went on a walk. That’s why I found you like I did.” He says the last part quietly.

I don’t even attempt to count and calm down. I can’t. Not about this. I’m out of bed glaring at him.

“Who do you think you are? You don’t know me! You don’t care! You weren’t here! You didn’t find me! Harper called you! You left! You fucking left me like always!”

I’m crackling in anger. My entire body trembles from the physical need to hit something or someone, but I refuse to give into the urge. In the next second, Jax wraps me in his arms. I thrash, squirming to get away from him. It’s pointless, I know it, but I can’t stop fighting him. I don’t need him. I want to hurt him. Not because he’s Jax, but because he’s here. I don’t want to be the only one dying inside.

“I-I . . .” I can’t even say I hate him. I don’t, and no matter what, the words won’t come out.

Out of nowhere a memory of Jax leaving me standing in the middle of LAX airport bombards my thoughts. I’m begging him to stay with me in California, not to go back to NYU. He didn’t even look at me as he broke my heart and walked away, without a promise to return. As I concentrate on when this was, everything surrounding it, the vague memory drifts away, leaving more questions.

“You left me,” I murmur again and again.

I repeatedly pound my fist into his chest. He doesn’t say anything or try to stop me. I’m not hitting him hard enough to hurt him, but even if I was, I doubt that he would stop me.

“It’s okay,” Jax says once I drop my hands to my side.

I gaze into his green eyes. His sincerity is why words tumble out of my mouth without any conscious thought.

“They left me. I listened to them die, Jax. I wasn’t able to do anything but watch as my mom died right before my eyes! I’m so mad at them. All of the time. Why did they die and I survived?”

My legs give out, but before I can fall to to the floor, Jax catches me. Instead of carrying me the short distance to my bed like I expect, he sinks to the ground and leans against my bed frame with me in his lap. I rest my head against his shoulder and lay my hand over his beating heart. Jax stops rubbing my arm, laces his fingers through mine. Warmth radiates off his hand. He makes me feel safe.