I can remember capturing each of these moments in time. I remember how happy everyone was. How happy I was. I remember my family. I let these memories carry me away, back to a home with a family, and far from the reality where my family is dead.

The loud banging on my front door breaks through my reprieve. I slowly get up. I can’t believe Logan left the fundraiser. Logan is usually pretty good at giving me space when I need it.

Jax’s voice stops me in my tracks as I near the door. “Ads, I know you’re in there. Let me in.”

I stand immobile. I said everything I had to say to him. There’s nothing left. I have no idea why he’s here. Please just go away. Maybe he’ll think I’m asleep and leave. Fat chance with him banging on my door. I can’t sleep through noise that loud, and usually I can sleep through anything.

“Ads, open the door. Let me tell you what I should have told you last night. Please let me in, Ads.”

I have every intention of staying right where I am and waiting him out. I tell myself that I’m just moving closer to the door to see make sure it’s locked.

It’s locked.

I knew it was. If I leave the door locked, he will just leave. We can eventually move past this. If I don’t open this door, everything will return to normal.

I unlock the door.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I don’t even have time to open the door all of the way before Jax rushes into the apartment. He has me pinned against the wall, kissing me in a matter of seconds. Stunned, all I manage to do is tilt my head back, welcoming his assault.

Jax makes the sexiest growl in the back of his throat before deepening the kiss. Winding my fingers into his soft, silky hair, I pull him closer to me, moaning when he bends down slightly and grabs the back of my thighs, lifting me up. Automatically my legs wrap around his waist.

Getting lost in the only man that I’ve ever loved, I don’t even realize that Jax has moved us from the wall until he opens my bedroom door. Before I know it, he’s laying me on my bed. Breaking off the kiss, he hovers over me, using his elbows to keep his weight from crushing me, and stares into my eyes with such longing.

The second that his lips leave mine, sense breaks through the heavy haze of lust. What am I doing? I can’t do this with him. I can’t keep playing this stupid hot and cold game. I will never be able to move on if I keep letting him take control, letting him take what he wants from me, and then leaving me behind without a second thought. I deserve better than this. I deserve better than what Jax can give.

He must have felt me stiffen because he hangs his head and sighs. The desperate expression he’s shooting my way makes it hard to not embrace him. We’re not friends. You’re my best friend’s little sister. The words play over and over again in my head. My eyes blaze as I push him off me and jump off my bed.

“I’m just Logan’s little sister, remember?”

He swallows loudly, seeming pained. Good. I want to hurt him, just like he hurt me.

“Why are you here?” I don’t even give him a chance to open his mouth before I lash out at him. “We’re not friends, Jaxon. Remember? YOU,” I point to him, “made that fucking clear the other night. I’m nothing to you. I’m just Logan’s little sister. I have NEVER been anything but Logan’s little sister to you!”

I shove him away when he reaches for my hand.

“No, don’t you dare fucking touch me, Jax! You led me on, played with my feelings! You made me fall in love with you just to walk away! I can’t believe I was so fucking stupid to believe that you actually cared about me.”

I push past him, but he grips my waist, stopping me. I’m at war with myself; my body wants to stop fighting with Jax and to give in, but my stupid mind won’t shut up. It keeps chanting over and over again, you’re my best friend’s little sister. I am so confused right now. I thought he said everything he had to say to me last night. I thought we were over for good.

Then it hits me.

Suddenly I have a new fear.

“No . . . No . . . Please . . . No.” I take a deep breath. “This is pity,” I whisper.

“What?” Jax asks

“You’re here out of pity! That’s it! You’re here out of fucking pity!”

I can tell with each word that Jax is getting madder and madder. I keep talking, watching as he paces in front of me. His fists clench tightly. He opens his mouth and snaps it shut so hard I’m surprised he doesn’t break any of his teeth. He’s seething. Good. I am, too.

“OH MY GOD! I mean so little to you that you would come over here for a pity fuck! Fuck you Jax! I—” Jax covers my mouth with his hand.

“Stop talking now, Adalynn.” He’s vibrating with fury.

The only reason why I don’t bite his hand and yell at him is because I’ve never seen him so angry before in my life. His body is shaking. If it was anyone else, like Kohen, I would be scared, but I know that I’m safe. Jax would never physically hurt me. He only hurts me by breaking down my walls and shattering my heart.

“You honestly think I’m here out of pity? You don’t think too highly of me.”

“Have you ever given me a reason to think differently?” I talk louder, blocking out his pretty words. “Why are you here?”

“You,” he says simply as if that’s answer enough.

“What does that even mean?”

“I’m always here because of you, Adalynn.”

“What?”

I swear he’s speaking another language. I have no idea what he’s trying to say right now. His eyes never stray from me as he takes the few steps to me. I didn’t even realize that I was stepping away from him.

Slowly, he softly trails his fingertips over my arm. The anger has gone. In it’s place is determination.

“I’m here because of you, Ads. We’re not friends. We’ve never been friends.”

I open my mouth to tell him that he’s already made that clear, but he places a finger over my mouth.

“Let me finish, okay? You’ve talked enough crap for the both of us lately. Now it’s my turn.”

I nod.

“We’ve always been more. My sweet Adalynn. I’m yours. I will always be yours. There isn’t anyone else. There never has been. It’s always been you. Just you.”

I’m too stunned to speak. I have too many emotions coursing through me. I want to believe everything he’s saying, I really do. I want to forget about the other night. Sadly, I can’t. It’s just words. It’s always pretty words with him.

“I don’t believe you,” I say at last.

“I know, but I won’t stop until you do. I’m done acting like I don’t want you, you’re the most important thing in the world to me, Ads. You’re the only person who knows the real me, everything that I’ve been through, and you never look at me differently.”

“Then why have you been pushing me away every chance you get?”

“Because I thought you deserved better than me. I never meant to play games with you, it was a way for me to be close to you and not risk losing our friendship.”

I refuse to fall for his tricks again. “What changed?”

He hauls me closer until we’re a breath apart.

“I did. I realized that sharing secret smiles, and a stolen kiss every once in awhile isn’t enough for me anymore. I’m done pushing you away, Ads. I can’t act like everything is fine when it isn’t. We can’t just be friends. I want more. I’ve always wanted more. I want to be everything to you, like you’re everything to me. You’re my sun, my moon. Ever since we were kids, you lit up my world.”

My legs give out, Jax catches me. He’s always here, catching me, being my knight in shining armor. I can’t believe he’s here, saying all these wonderful things. I don’t know how many nights I’ve dreamed of him saying exactly this. I would fall into his arms and tell him I love him. That’s what I want to do now, but I can’t. If I tell him what I desperately want to say, I will be giving him all of me. I have one more small piece of my heart to hand out, and if I give it to him, he can break me. I know I won’t be strong enough to survive.