“Why?” I ask quietly.

“Because you look too beautiful to be sitting here by yourself.”

I’m too stunned to say anything. I’m barely able to make my feet function. If Jax didn’t have such a strong grasp on my hand, I’m sure I would fall to the ground. When he says things like that, it’s hard to believe that he just sees me as Logan’s little sister. Good thing the replay of last night is still going on in my head to remind me.

I need to pull away, to save myself from more hurt. I tell myself to take my hand off his shoulder, but I can’t. I’d rather hate myself later for giving into yet another game, and be around him one more time. I shut off my mind and bask in the warmth radiating off Jax’s body. I let him lead me through a dance. Of course it has to be Coldplay. The stupid pianist mocks me by playing Sparks.

This is my all time favorite song by them because we would listen to it in my room late at night. And now I’m dancing to it with Jax. He drags me closer to him like he used to do in my bedroom. I close my eyes and pretend that we’re dancing in my room again.

“I’ve never danced with anyone else to this song,” he says, unaware that he’s splintering my heart even more.

“Me either,” I say without opening my eyes.

I know once I do, I will be lost. I will be trapped by his green ones. Logan’s little sister. I can’t let myself over-think this. He saw me sitting alone and sad. Of course he would ask me to dance. Jax isn’t the bad guy he wants everyone to believe he is. Which is why it makes pulling away from him that much harder.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I know what you’re doing. Thanks, but I can’t.”

I hurry away without another word. It’s nice that Jax is being the better person, that he took time out of his night to dance with the sad little girl. I can’t dance with him and pretend I feel nothing for him, that what he said last night is okay. It’s not.

I jog off the dance floor. I rest against a pillar and squeeze my eyes shut. I won’t be able to survive sitting next to Jax through dinner. It’s too soon. I don’t hear him come up behind me, but I know without turning around, it’s him pressing against my back.

“Ads, please talk to me,” he pleads into my ear.

“Please just go away.”

I don’t even open my eyes. I don’t need to. He has been forever imprinted in my mind.

“Please just give me a chance to explain.” He spins me around and grips my face in both hands. “Please just talk to me.”

When I open my eyes, his sadness takes my breath away. I know this is my chance. This is the only chance I will get to not have “what ifs.” This is the moment for closure.

I tear his hands away from my face. Him being this close is hard enough, I don’t need him touching me. I lose every train of thought when he touches me. This is my time to tell him everything and walk away.

“You may think we were never friends, but we were, Jax. You were my best friend for sixteen years. You have always been here for me whenever I needed you.” I press my fingertips over his mouth when he tries to speak. “You let me in once. I loved that I was the person you turned to when you needed someone. All I have ever wanted was to be here for you, to be the person you lean on.”

I take a deep breath. I love the smell of Jax. If it was possible I would bottle up his woodsy scent.

“I may be just Logan’s little sister to you, but you have always been my best friend. You saved me. When nobody else was there, you were. That’s why it kills me to know that I’m nothing to you.”

All the hurt from all his games rushes forward. I tell myself to leave, to not say another word, but I need to tell him everything. It’s time for me to give up on any hope of us being together.

“All you had to do was tell me the truth eight years ago. But you didn’t. Instead you chose to lead me on, knowing exactly how I felt about you. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, Jax!”

“I’m so sorry, Ads. I didn’t mean it the way it came out last night.”

“Please stop.”

“No. You need to hear this. I need you in my life.”

I refuse to believe his lies. “You don’t want me in your life. If you did, you would have considered my feelings a long time ago. Instead you made me doubt being with Kohen. I could have lost someone who loves me because of you! But I’m nothing but your best friend’s little sister to you.”

“Even without Logan in my life, I would still need you in mine.”

“We both know that’s not true.” I gather the folds of my dress as I prepare to leave. “You don’t have to worry about Logan. He will never know. When we are forced to see one another because of my brother, we will be civil towards each other, but nothing more, never again.”

Before Jax can say anything else, I walk away. I need to get out of here. I thought telling him how I felt would make me feel better. It doesn’t. I head towards the stage hoping that my brother is still there. I smile in relief when I see him reviewing his speech.

“Addie, are you okay?” Logan asks when I reach him.

“No. Actually I feel like crap. I need to leave. I’m sorry.”

I wish I was stronger. I wish that I could stay, pretend that I didn’t just lose a piece of myself when I stormed away from Jax. I wish that I could stay for my brother. At least to hear his speech, but I can’t. I’m at my breaking point and I need to leave before I lose it in front of all these people. Logan must see that I’m about to crumble because he nods and drapes his arm over my shoulder.

“Okay. I’ll see you out.”

“No, don’t, you have the speech.” I paint the smile on my face that I’m used to wearing. “I’ll be fine, promise.”

Logan eyes me, searching for signs that I’m lying. I hold my smile firmly in place. I don’t let anything slip. I don’t let the fact my world is collapsing around me show through the facade. I watch the band play as Logan searches for something or someone in the crowd. I focus on the woman playing the piano instead of the pain raging inside me.

“I’m going to kill him,” Logan snaps.

I grab onto his arm to stop him. “Don’t. I’m fine. This isn’t his fault.”

“You’re hurt because of Jax. It’s his fault.”

I wish I could confess everything my brother, but I can’t. I can’t risk him losing a lifelong friend because of me. I couldn’t do that to him.

“Please, Logan, just leave it be. Trust me, Jax and I are fine.”

“Then why do you need to leave?”

I chew on my lip, hating that I’m going to tell him an even bigger lie. It’s worth it. He can’t ruin his friendships because my heart got broken. That wouldn’t be fair to him.

“This,” I wave my hand around the ballroom, “is too much . . . I can’t handle it.” I look away, hating how his face crumbles with sadness.

His baby blues lock on mine, as if trying to read something I’m not saying. Fake smile firmly in place, I kiss him on the cheek, and flee.

Even though I am nowhere near Jax, his scent lingers on my skin from his hot breath on my neck. I need to get out of here.

On the ride back to my apartment building, I replay what Jax said to me, how he held me tonight. Suddenly I’m standing in front of my apartment. I let out a long breath at the front door. If go in, I know I’ll remember everything that Jax said to me the other night.

I vaguely remember unlocking my apartment. I slide to the floor. Kicking off my heels, I stare at my once blank wall. My new pictures make the place feel more like home and less like a hotel with my clothes hanging in the closet.

Studying the picture of my parents, I long for things to be different. I want to go back to a time that was simple, where my biggest problem was finishing my chores. I look at the photos of Hadley and Logan next. They’re reenacting the final dance from Dirty Dancing. These are the pictures that remind me of home. These are the pictures that take me away to a better place.