The light stings my eyes. I squeeze them and cover my face to block the sudden blinding light. They snap open when his hands brush my cheeks. He cradles my face so gently that if I wasn’t locked into a dark hole, I would think he feels guilty. I’m not falling for that again.

“I’m so sorry, Em. You just made me mental. I’m so sorry. Forgive me please. You just have to listen and I’ll never hurt you again.” Kohen kisses my sore cheek.

Reaching up, I cup his face. “I know. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. You were right.” I’m positive that I’m about to throw up that I cover my mouth. I pass it off as a sob and lean my head against his forehead.

Play nice. You need to escape. Fake it.

“I can’t believe I hit you. You make me so mad. Promise me you won’t anger me anymore. It kills me to hurt you, Em.”

There’s that name again. I don’t bother asking who she is. I’ve seen the movies. She’s a girl that I resemble. A girl that he’s killed. How many Ems have there been before me?

“I promise . . . Can . . . I . . .” I pretend to stumble over my words.

Caressing my face, Kohen places a chaste kiss on my lips. Somehow, I’m able to stop from grimacing.

“What? All you have to do is ask, Adalynn.”

So now I’m Adalynn again. I shake my head.

“I’ll give you whatever you need.”

“No, I don’t deserve it. I shouldn’t have said anything,” I whisper.

Another kiss. “Please talk to me, baby. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“I wanted to ask if I can come out . . . to spend the night with you . . .” I force myself to draw a calming breath before I say the biggest lie in the world. “I can’t sleep without your ams around me.”

Kohen stills. I scoot closer until our lips touch.

“I just want you to love me,” I say against his lips.

Do not throw up.

“I love you so much,” Kohen says against my lips.

Not being able to say the words back, I kiss him. I drown everything out. I drown out that I’m stuck in a hole with a lunatic, that I’m probably going to die soon like the other Ems, and focus on the only thing that makes me able to hold on. I think of Jax. I picture his face, his lips. My imagination is running wild that I can actually smell him. I pretend that Kohen is Jax and kiss him like I would be kissing Jax right now.

When Kohen pulls away, we’re both breathless, but for different reasons. He enjoyed the kiss, I tried not to throw up in his mouth.

“It’s late. Let’s have dinner before we go to bed.”

The way he says bed makes my chest tighten. I feel like I can’t breathe. He has no plans of sleeping tonight. The tears prickle but I force them back. I wipe my eyes before we leave my prison.

I wrap my arm around his waist and rest my head against his side. “What do you want me to make you for dinner?”

Kohen laughs, a laugh that I used to think I could love one day. I was so terribly wrong. “You’re too cute. I’m going to make us dinner. I want to cook for you for the rest of our lives. I’ll always take care of you.”

I step away from him but clasp his hand and kiss his fingertips. This is easier if I pretend that he’s Jax. I can almost stomach it.

“I know.”

He snatches my hands and tugs me back to his side. I remind myself to stay calm, but I’m still trembling. He knows I’m lying. He’s going to hurt me again. Distract him. As soon as that idea blossoms, it dawns on me why he’s angry again. My knuckles are bleeding from punching the door.

It isn’t until he strokes underneath the bleeding flesh that I feel the pain. “What did you do?”

I cast my eyes down, hoping that he thinks I feel guilty. “I just wanted to be with you.”

He tilts up my chin with his now blood-covered finger. “You did this to yourself to be near me?”

Instead of kicking him in the balls, I lean into him. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be close to you.”

His blue eyes shine with happiness. I match my smile to his. Inside I’m screaming, YOU’RE FUCKING CRAZY! He leads me the rest of the way to the kitchen and pulls out a chair for me.

“Don’t move, I’m going to get my first-aid kit.” He says it sweetly, but I know he’s threatening me.

Once he leaves, I move to the patio doors. They won’t open. I turn the locks, but they it still won’t budge. Glancing up, I notice another lock at the top right hand corner. There’s no way this will be my escape unless I have a key. I haunt everywhere for some kind of weapon. Bingo! The knife rack. I tiptoe towards it then fling myself back into my seat when his loud footsteps near. I calm my breathing so that he doesn’t notice anything is wrong.

He sets the first-aid kit on the table and then takes the seat next to me. “I wish this afternoon never happened. You’ll never know how sorry I am,” he says as he inspects my knuckles.

“Stop that. If you didn’t, we wouldn’t be here. You didn’t mean to hurt me. And now that I understand how much you love me, it won’t happen again. I will never act like that again. I can’t stand it when you’re angry with me.”

Yeah . . . because you like to smack me around.

I force my attention back to Kohen instead of the shiny object that will help me escape. I can’t let him realize my plan. If I have any hope of leaving him, he needs to buy into my lies. I keep my smile firmly in place as he rambles about our future. I ignore every word and replay Jax telling me he loved me for the first time nine years ago.

All too soon, Kohen carries the first-aid kit into the bathroom. Before returning to my side, he snags an icepack from the freezer. “Here. This will help the swelling.”

“Thanks.”

Setting the ice pack on my face, I watch him with love shining through my eyes. I’ve mastered wearing a mask for so long that it slips easily into place. Every smile and every kiss I blow his way, he believes. He doesn’t detect the pure hatred I feel for him. He doesn’t see that I’m planning my escape. I imagine sinking a knife into his chest where his heart should be.

Half-way through dinner, I squirm in my seat. I wait for Kohen to notice. It takes a lot longer than I expect. When he acknowledges me I ask, “May I be excused to use the restroom?”

Kohen nods his approval. “You know you don’t have to ask.”

I rest my hand on top of his. “I know. . . It’s just that I didn’t want you to think I was leaving . . . I can’t believe that you thought I could leave you. You know I don’t think that’s possible, right?” I don’t even have to lie. I know that there’s little hope for my escape.

His smile is anything but charming as he says, “Cause you know I’ll find you again?”

Leaning over, I nip his ear with my teeth. He moans and I imagine stabbing him in the throat with his fork.

“No, because I could never leave you. You love me,” I whisper before walking away.

I force myself to calmly head to the bathroom. I see the front door, but I don’t make my move. Not yet. I need to prepare. I don’t even bother with the lock as I shut the door. I don’t want to give him any reason to hit me, or worse, lock me back into my prison.

As quickly as possible, I open the drawers. I smile triumphantly when I spot the small white first-aid kit. Grabbing what I need, I secure it in the side of my bra so he doesn’t notice. I flush the toilet and wash my hands. I make sure that everything is tucked away before I join him back in the dining room.

When I’m almost done with dinner, I yawn then wince.

“Are you okay, babe?”

I nod and wipe away an imaginary tear. Kohen springs out of his seat and squats in front of me before I can blink. He’s fast. I need to remember that.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just sore.” I look away and wait for him to pull my face towards his.

Bingo.

“I want to be with you. I just wish that it could be . . .”

I smile in my head when he asks, “What? How do you want it to be?”