“The monster?” I asked.

She nodded her head and bit her lower lip slightly, “Yeah, my stepfather. I talked to her about him and she didn’t even care. So after that, Christina and I used to come up here. Well, not to this one, but the other one. And we’d just walk up there and sit. They had a patio, and we could sit out there and drink the smoothies. When I was there, I forgot, at least for a while, that he even existed. I’d drink a smoothie instead of eating. When I got home I always said I’d already eaten, and then I wouldn’t have to look at him any more than I had to.”

I stepped over the seat of the bike and turned toward her. As our eyes met, I began to speak.

“Out of curiosity, why didn’t you want to go to the other one, your old stomping grounds?”

She shook her head somewhat violently and the tone of her voice changed drastically, “Oh fuck no. I wouldn’t go out there for anything. I can’t get close to that place - his castle, not the smoothie place.”

“He has a castle?” I asked, “And why not. You know they say sometimes it’s best to face your fears.”

“Whoever says that doesn’t have any real fears. And yeah, he called it his castle. No, I’m not interested in coming within five miles of that place. I’ve got this fear that he’s going to get me again. I mean, I live with it, like, every day. I dream about it. I think about it when I’m awake. I think about it when I eat, dream about it when I sleep, it never goes away. It’s a little better since I moved in with you and Cade, but it’s still there. I swear, when I was…you know…on my own? Yeah, it was bad. Like really bad. I was always looking over my shoulder and wondering when he was going to show up again,” she ran her fingers through her hair and glanced down at her feet as she shook her head.

“You haven’t seen him since you left though, right?” I asked as I reached for her shoulder.

As she caught a glimpse of my hand, she flinched and pulled away. The thought of anyone doing something to intentionally harm a child sickened me, but a father taking the trust of a child, casting it aside, and sexually molesting her caused me to want to seek retribution. I stood beside Rain, fuming with anger, and tried to maintain my composure. Slowly, I reached for her again.

She lowered her head and allowed me to slip my arm over her shoulder. As she nestled close to me, she gazed beyond me and toward the street.

“No, I haven’t seen him since I left. But he still exists. You have no idea what he did to me. None. I’ll be running from him or the thought of him or whatever you want to call it for as long as I live,” she said with an underlying emotion which caused the words to almost crumble as she spoke.

“I can only imagine,” I sighed as I shook my head lightly.

She pulled away from me and shook her head as if I just didn’t understand her at all. As she continued to stand, shaking her head, she gazed down at the parking lot. “No, actually you can’t. Imagine anything you can. Anything. The most grotesque shit you’ve ever seen heard of or seen on the news that involves the molestation of a little girl.”

As my mind wandered through the possibilities, I began to shake my head in anger.

She stared down at her feet and spoke softly. “Well, whatever you can think of…anything…anything at all. He either did it to me or made me do it to him. Over and over.”

“He’s a fucking monster,” she said as she glanced upward.

The feeling of a need to protect her enveloped me.

“Well, he won’t touch you with me in your life. Not and get away with it,” I assured her.

“That’s one of the things I like about being around you. You make me feel safe. But no one can promise anything,” she said.

The anger within me was at an all-time high. I’d never felt as helpless to assist someone in need in my entire life. All I felt I was able to do was assure her I’d never let harm come to her, at least not while I was around.

I glanced down at my boots and considered what I wanted to say.

“I can. I can make that promise. I’ll protect you from him,” I said as I gazed up and into her eyes.

She shook her head.

“You can’t make that promise.”

“I just fucking did,” I snapped back.

We embraced in a hug for a long moment. When I released her from my arms, I slowly raised my hand to her face, and traced my finger down along her jaw. As I reached her chin, I lifted my finger against it, tilting her head back slightly.

I leaned toward her and kissed her softly. Our lips parted and I gazed into her eyes. She stood silently and stared into mine, and as she did, her eyes said what her mouth did not.

She believed me.

ETHAN

Having the house to ourselves, the unavailability of Rain’s favorite smoothie, and what I would describe as a bleak beginning to our first date made me feel I needed to make a bold statement about my feelings for Rain. Additionally, I felt expressing my feelings physically would far exceed my ability to convey the way I felt through communication. With Cade away from the house at the bar until much later in the night, I felt I knew where this night was going to end up; but I wanted to talk first. There was one thing I knew I needed to discuss before this relationship took another step in the direction it was surely headed.

“I need to tell you something,” I sighed.

“Now?” she breathed.

I nodded my head and sat up.

“Uhhm, okay,” she said as she wiped our kiss from her lips with the back of her hand.

“I’m uhhm. I…when I was a kid, I had an accident on a mini bike. I came down really hard on the backbone of the frame, and it was…well, it was right where it counts. I ended up off the bike and on a rock at some point, and fucked up my spine. They never really decided which one did it, the spine injury, or the other, but…I uhm,” I hesitated, somewhat embarrassed to continue.

“I can’t have kids,” I said flatly.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she reached over and touched her hand against my knee.

Sorry you started this relationship, or sorry it happened?

“Why?” I asked.

“Well, I’m sorry it happened. And I guess I’m sorry you’ll never be able to enjoy fatherhood,” she said.

“Thanks. So, where’s this leave us?” I asked.

She wrinkled her nose slightly as her eyes narrowed, “What do you mean?”

I shifted my weight on the bed nervously, and turned toward her, “Are you okay with it?”

“Ethan I love you. I don’t expect you to be in love with me in the way I am with you. I don’t know, I’m sure it develops differently with different people, but I love you. I know I do. And if you can’t have kids, it may sound stupid, but I love that too. It’s part of you. I accept it, and I’ll always accept it,” she responded as her hand rubbed along my inner thigh.

  “You sure?” I asked, somewhat relieved she had responded in the manner she did.

She nodded her head and leaned toward me, tilting her head upward as she did.

“Kiss me,” she sighed.

Although I had been upfront and truthful with my former wife, I had never really been truthful with myself after she left me. When she and I initially discussed my injury, the relationship commitment on her part came after a month-long period of time in which she contemplated her decision. In retrospect, her need for a future was summed up in nothing other than my inability to provide her with a family, but I had told myself it was a financial future she desired. Looking back now, she had probably never been honest with herself. Her desire to have children as a part of our relationship was apparent in her decision to leave me.

Rain’s immediate acceptance of me and my shortcoming was comforting, and left me without wonder of her intentions. I leaned into her and kissed her. The kiss quickly developed into a full-fledged make out session on the bed. As we continued to kiss, the kissing became more passionate, and eventually hands began to search for more.