As a lump the size of a tennis ball rose in my throat, I closed the locket, slid it between my breasts, and pressed my palms into my thighs. After a few seconds, I bent my knees and lowered myself to the floor.

I couldn’t bring myself to choose between them.

As I sat crouched in an almost fetal position beside my pack, I knew leaving would be close to impossible, but if I couldn’t have them both, leaving them was my only option. After softly crying for what seemed like an eternity, I was exhausted.

I stood, wiped the tears from my face, and picked up my pack. In my mind, there was only one way this could work. After one last glance around the room, I pulled the pack over my shoulders, flipped out the light, and gripped the locket in my fingers as I slowly walked down the stairs.

RAIN

I fought to maintain my composure and speak without losing my wits. After opening my mouth twice to nothing but a silent puff of warm breath, I sat on the center couch, lowered my pack to my side, and exhaled.

Help me…

Please.

I fought against the lump in my throat.

“I need you to both come in here,” I said with as much authority as I could muster.

“I’ll have dinner ready in ten minutes,” Cade responded.

I heard Ethan’s closet door close. Without turning around, I spoke into the open room, “I really need to talk to you both. Right now, if possible. It’s kind of an emergency.”

“Hold on,” Cade sighed.

Ethan peered around the corner of the frame of his bedroom door, “Give me a minute.”

After no more than a few seconds, they both stepped into the living room and gawked at me.

“What’s going on,” Ethan asked as he pointed down at my pack.

“Rain…” Cade’s voice was full of emotion as it trailed off; he undoubtedly stopped short of what he intended to say.

Both men glanced at each other, and then shifted their eyes toward me.

“Please. Listen. One of you sit on the loveseat, and the other on the couch,” I said as I wagged my finger toward the couch and loveseat, “And let me finish, and I mean completely finish before you say anything.”

“Let me…uhhm, let me turn off the stove,” Cade coughed.

Ethan sat on the loveseat and faced me. As Cade walked back into the room, he glanced around nervously, and eventually sat down at the end of the couch, facing Ethan. After studying my dingy sneakers for a long moment, I exhaled and raised my head.

“I can’t think of any way to say this other than to just say it. So, after considerable thought, and a lot of tears, I want to say…” I paused and swallowed heavily.

No matter how many times I went over it in my head, I could not come up with a manner to say all of what I had to say that would give the two men an accurate understanding of my feelings and take less than thirty minutes. One way, however, quickly made my feelings clear, but I feared would cause immediate reactions from them both. As there were so many ways to express my feelings, none of which were subtle, I chose to condense my thoughts into a few short but well thought out sentences.

I inhaled a breath, looked up from my sneakers, and spoke.

“I love you both, and not in a broad sense. I’m terribly sorry, but I have fallen in love with each of you, deeply and independently. Together, we must decide what to do. But, regardless of what we decide here tonight, I know this…” I exhaled audibly, inhaled another breath, and continued, “If we can’t figure out a way for this to work, I’m leaving, and I’m leaving tonight. I love you both too much to cause harm to one of you over this.”

Remarkably, I was able to maintain my composure. After having said what I believed I needed to say, I felt relieved. Although neither of the men immediately spoke, I sat calmly and waited for them to do so. I reached for the locket and clutched it in my hand. I closed my eyes, allowed the silence to envelop me, and waited.

Eventually, Ethan cleared his throat and broke the silence.

“First and foremost, I don’t want you to leave. My response, I can assure you, has very little if anything to do with my desire to have you stay,” he paused and raised his hands to his cheeks.

“Give me a second,” he said as he cleared his throat.

“And everything to do with my desire to continue what we have. So, you think you’ve fallen in love with me? In a conventional sense? The type of love where you want to be in a relationship with me? I’m asking this so I fully understand what you’re saying or trying to say,” he said as he raised his index finger into the air.

I nodded my head, “Yes. But I don’t think I have, I know I have. And yes, the type of love you see every day where two people are in a relationship; boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, that type.”

He pursed his lips and glanced toward Cade, “And you’ve also fallen for Cade in the same way or ways?”

I nodded my head and glanced toward Cade. Surprisingly, he sat and listened as Ethan spoke without much emotion at all. A look I could only describe as curiosity covered Cade’s face as Ethan continued.

“Interesting. Well, to be brutally honest, I have some pretty deep feelings for you myself. I had every intention of asking you out on a date tonight,” he paused and eventually chuckled lightly before he continued.

“Sorry,” he sighed, “I just found it a little ironic.”

I sat up and leaned forward, scooting to the edge of the couch, and rested my elbows on my thighs. “I feel like I’m a third of the pieces to a puzzle, and I’m the only one who knows where the other two pieces are. I don’t know how to explain it, and I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want to fall in love, let alone fall in love with both of you, but you made me.”

“How did I make you?” Ethan asked as he relaxed into his seat.

“By being you,” I responded.

“And Cade?” he asked as he tossed his head in Cade’s direction.

I glanced toward Cade and smiled, “By being Cade.”

“And how on this little green earth of ours do you think something like this might work?” Ethan asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and leaned back into the couch, “I don’t know, but I’m willing to try.”

“I can see all kinds of problems,” Ethan said under his breath.

“Open your eyes, Ethan. The problems are all in your head. I want this. No, actually, I need this. I love you both, and I don’t see any way around it. We have to figure out a way to make this work. Look beyond whatever you see as a concern, and just be open-minded,” I sighed.

“Cade?” Ethan said flatly as he motioned toward Cade.

Cade leaned forward and gazed in my direction.

“I don’t want to lose you. I know I don’t. I can’t. I won’t. As crazy as it sounds saying it, I’m willing to try and make anything work,” Cade said calmly.

I smiled at Cade’s response and turned to face Ethan.

“So in your mind is this some crazy kind of three-way fucktastic sex-a-thon bullshit or what?” Ethan asked.

“A what?” I gasped.

He shrugged his shoulders, widened his eyes, and shook his head as he gazed up at the ceiling. As he glanced down, he continued, “You know, a three way gang bang type affair?”

“Uhhm, no,” I snapped.

“So, it’s not a Ménage à Trois?” he asked.

“No,” I responded sharply.

Cade cleared his throat, causing both of us to turn and face him.

“Actually,” Cade said, “It is. Technically, and as a matter of definition, a Ménage à Trois is three people occupying the same household in either a romantic or a sexual relationship. So, regardless of the sexual arrangement, if we’re three and we’re romantic, it is.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“Believe me, you need to believe him. He’s a walking fucking dictionary. Mr. 4.0 G.P.A.,” Ethan chuckled.