“Okay, so you went out because you were pissed at Amanda. Keep talking,” Jeff said.

“So, I ran into a girl I knew from college—Michele Walker.”

“Ah shit, Brad. Your fuck buddy from college?” Jeff shook his head.

“Yeah, Jeff, my fuck buddy from college,” Brad said, glaring at him.

“Go on,” I said. The terrible feeling in my stomach was growing bigger.

“Long story short, she flirted, I flirted, and then she asked if I wanted to go back to her hotel room to get high. I was shocked that she’d even asked, and I told her no. Then, Amanda sent me a text message. Said my bitch mother wanted me to call her. It pissed me off, so I went back to Michele’s hotel room.”

When Brad looked down at the ground, I saw a tear rolling down his face.

Motherfucker. This does not sound good at all.

“You know I’ve never touched drugs before in my life. Y’all know that. But, fuck, we got back to her room, and she started taking off her clothes. She was just walking around in her bra and panties. I wanted so badly to just forget about everything—Amanda, the fight, my controlling parents…my fucking job I hate. So, I took a hit of coke, and it felt fucking great. I was happy, I had a ton of energy, and I didn’t give a fuck about anything.”

“Or anyone,” Jeff said.

Brad looked at Jeff with a weak smile. “Yeah…or anyone. Michele started feeling on me, and for one brief moment, I gave in and kissed her. That was it though. I had the sense to stop myself.”

Jeff glanced over toward me before we both turned to look at Brad.

“By the time I got back to Austin, I felt like such a piece of fucking trash for doing that to Amanda. I needed to forget. I needed to feel happy…like I did that night with Michele. She had told me she lived in Austin, so I gave her a call. Told her I needed more coke, and she hooked me up. I’ve been doing it for the last seven months now.”

“Jesus H. Christ, Brad. What the fuck were you thinking? You need to get help, dude. You need to get off of it,” I said.

I glanced over at Jeff. He was just sitting there in shock. None of us had ever done drugs. We’d even made a pact our freshman year of college, promising that we wouldn’t try any of that shit…ever.

“That’s not the worst of it,” Brad said, tears rolling down his face. “That day Smitty said he saw me with a girl…it was Michele. She’s been harassing me for months, threatening to tell Amanda about the drugs. I’ve bought the bitch so much shit just to keep her ass quiet. Then, I started to realize that something was different with Amanda. I’ve been such a fucking dick to her the last four months, and I didn’t even think that she could be pregnant. To be honest, I’m surprised she’s stuck around. I’ve just been pushing her away because I’ve been so afraid she’d find out about the drugs or that I kissed another woman.”

“Were y’all trying to get pregnant?” Jeff asked.

“Not really. When I came back from Dallas, I told her if she wanted to try, we could, but I never had sex with her. I felt so fucking guilty that I just couldn’t stand to touch her. Then, one night she started asking questions. She just kept hounding me. I had just taken a hit of coke before I came into the house, so I was high as a damn kite. I got so damn angry that I…I…”

“God, please no, Brad. Tell me you didn’t,” I said, feeling sick to my stomach.

Brad instantly started crying again. “I practically raped my own wife. At first, it was hot as hell for the both of us…but then…I think she knew something was wrong with me. She started asking me to stop…but I didn’t. Afterward, the only thing I remember was her lying there, crying. I packed up a bag and stayed at a hotel for a few days.”

Jeff stood up and grabbed Brad by his shirt. “You dirty, rotten motherfucker. How could you do that to your wife?” Jeff pulled his arm back like he was going to punch Brad.

I jumped up and grabbed him. “Jeff! That’s not going to help anything, dude! Calm the fuck down!” I yelled as I pulled him away from Brad.

“You don’t know how many times I wanted to tell one of y’all, so you would beat the shit out of me,” Brad said as he stood there and cried.

After I talked Jeff out of beating Brad’s ass, I looked at Brad. He was now sitting in the chair, shaking.

“Why did you tell Amanda she couldn’t keep the baby, Brad?” I asked.

He snapped his head up at me. The next thing I knew, he was outside, throwing up.

“I hope the motherfucker throws his goddamn guts up,” Jeff said as he sat down.

Brad walked back in and sat back down on the chair. After taking a deep breath, he said, “Amanda hasn’t let me touch her since that night. I don’t blame her. I hate myself for what I did to her. I just need to find a way to get off the coke and then tell her about Michele. I just need more time.”

Brad looked at Jeff and then me. “I got off the coke for a couple of days, but the other night, I caved and bought some. When I got home, I was feeling pretty damn good. I was even going to apologize to her because I missed being with her so damn much. I just fucking miss her so much. But my world stopped when she told me about the baby. Everything hit me all at once, and I panicked. My wife is pregnant, and the only reason she’s pregnant is because I forced her to have sex with me. I flipped out and lost it. It was like it wasn’t even me talking. I was listening to myself tell her that she had to keep it a secret, and she needed to give up the baby. I was so scared and high. I didn’t even know what the fuck I was saying.” Brad leaned over and cried hysterically.

“Jesus. Why the hell would you tell your wife that? Why, Brad? Why would you tell Amanda that?” I asked, trying to make sense of all of this.

“I don’t fucking know, Gunner! Michele’s been threatening to tell my parents and Amanda about the drugs. She said she would even show them the video. I just fucking panicked. The moment I said it, I wanted to take it all back, but Amanda was so devastated.”

“Whoa…holy hell. What fucking video?” Jeff said as he stood up.

“I guess Michele thought it would be fun to tape our little escapade, so she set up a camera and videotaped the whole thing—me taking the drugs and then making out with her.” Brad started shaking his head.

I pulled out my phone. “Okay, Brad, the first thing you need to do is get off the coke, and then you need to tell Amanda the truth.” I was ready to start looking up rehab places. Just by the way he was shaking, I could tell that he needed more drugs.

“After spending time with Luke and Alex and seeing how happy Ari and Ellie are, I tried to tell Amanda today. I mean, I want this baby with Amanda, y’all. I love her. I’ve dreamed of having kids with her since the day I met her. This is not me. When I started to tell her, she…she…”

“She what?” Jeff asked.

“She told me she wanted a divorce, and she would raise the baby on her own. She’s going next week for the sonogram, and she said…” Brad lost it again and started sobbing uncontrollably.

Jeff and I gave Brad a few minutes to get himself back together again.

He looked up at us and took a deep breath. “She told me she didn’t want me there. She saw no reason for me to be there since I didn’t want to have kids with her. But that’s not true! I tried to explain, but she wouldn’t let me. She walked out of our bedroom with her suitcase, and she said she was going to stay with her parents. What the fuck do I do, y’all? I can’t lose her. I love her so much.”

Jeff had been walking back and forth for a while, and he finally stopped to look at Brad. “You love her so fucking much that you told her to give up her child? You fucking deserve everything you’re getting. You love her? Listen to what you’re saying. Listen to the things you told her. You’re a fucking druggie asshole!” Jeff turned to walk away.

“Jeff! Stop.” I got up and reached for his arm.