Then he winces and says seriously, “I'm really sorry about everything. This is going to be so rough, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. My family's here for you.”

And they were there for me.

Especially Phillip.

He stood by my side and held my hand through it all. As I picked out caskets and gravestones, planned the funeral, chose the pallbearers, picked the music, the scriptures, the speakers, and even when I had to decide what clothes they should wear.

And every night, the only way I could go to sleep was lying on his shoulder.

I never could've gotten through these last few days without him.

“May they rest in peace,” the pastor says, finishing the eulogy.

Now it's my turn.

I walk slowly up to the podium at the front of the church, turn, and gaze out at all the people who came to the funeral. My parents really did touch many people's lives. Mrs. Mac and Mrs. Diamond tried to discourage me from speaking at the funeral, which quite frankly, just made me want to do it more.

But really, how could I not?

Hopefully, I can say everything I want to say.

Deep breath.

Game face in place.

Okay.

“I want to share a quote with all of you from a book I've been reading. It goes, Do human beings ever realize life, while they live it - every, every minute? We're all busy people and it's easy to get so wrapped up in life, that we forget to live. My parents knew how to live. They enjoyed the little things in life, like sunsets, great parties, telling jokes, hanging out with friends,” I can't help but smile, “even silly things like giving piggyback rides. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want us sitting around here crying over the fact that they are gone. I think they'd rather we celebrate the fact that they lived - every, every minute and would challenge us all to do the same.”

The lights dim and the presentation starts. My cue to step away from the podium and take my seat.

When we were at the church planning the funeral, it was very sad and somber. And I don't know what hit me, but I looked at Mr. Mac sitting there, not smiling, and I just thought, this is not what Mom and Dad's lives were about.

If Dad were here, he and Mr. Mac would be laughing and joking about something. They had more inside jokes than a group of seventh grade girls.

I know you have to do the religious part, and I wanted to do the religious part. But they sorta felt disconnected. The religious part felt more about what was next for them, and I'm happy that they are in heaven and all that, but what about us, the ones they left behind?

We don't really want them in heaven, we want them back with us.

I want them back with me.

So I told our pastor that I wanted to do something that would make people feel good. To help them remember the fun times, to see that my parents enjoyed their lives.

They loved to celebrate.

So I wanted to do something that would celebrate my parents' lives.

Phillip, Danny, and I would be outside shooting hoops or playing a game of horse, and Dad would come out and be like, It's gorgeous out, a day like today is worth celebrating.

I always thought “celebrate” was sorta code word for, if I say I'm celebrating something, my wife won't complain to me about sitting here smoking a stinky cigar. But that wasn't it. Because before you knew it, Mom would be out there sitting on his lap, drinking a wine cooler, and celebrating with him. Then pretty soon half the neighbors would show up, and they would all be drinking and eating and really celebrating the fact that they were together, that it was a beautiful day. I think they definitely appreciated daily life and not just special occasions, hell, they made every day occasions special.

So even though it was painful, Katie, Lisa, and I went through all our photos and selected a few that showed my parents doing just that.

Celebrating their lives.

Phillip scanned them all into the computer and created a slide show of them set to music.

Notes play and pictures flash by:

Mom as a baby.

Mom with no front teeth, in pigtails on her bike.

Mom with her high school friends, in their graduation caps and gowns.

Dad as a chubby, bald baby.

Dad dressed as a cowboy, with Uncle John dressed as an Indian.

Dad playing basketball in high school.

Then the two of them together in college, looking goofily in love.

Dad and Mr. Mac in college, togas on and cigars in their mouths.

A big group of dad's frat brothers, all holding red cups and making silly faces and gestures.

Mom and Dad at a fraternity formal, Mom with bright blue eyeliner and big hair.

Mom with her best friends on spring break at the beach.

Mom catching the bouquet at the Mac's wedding, Dad pretending to be scared.

Their college graduations.

Mom, with an amazingly happy look on her face, holding out her engagement ring while her friends were gathered around looking at it.

Mom and Dad dancing and kissing at their wedding.

Dad carrying Mom over the threshold of our new house.

A group of their friends in a hot tub on a skiing trip.

Daddy holding me at the hospital the day I was born.

Mom and Julie holding Phillip and me as babies.

Mom holding my hands in the air, teaching me how to walk.

Daddy holding my hands in the air, teaching me the signal for TOUCHDOWN, when I was two, with a Nebraska game on the TV in the background and everyone around him dressed in red.

Daddy teaching me to ride a bike.

Christmas morning, wrapping paper everywhere.

My parents at Disney World, watching the parade, with me asleep over Daddy's shoulder.

Dad, Phillip, Danny, and me playing soccer in the back yard.

Daddy blowing out the candles on a very pathetic looking cake I had frosted.

Mom and me at my eighth grade graduation.

Our families all standing in front of a fountain in Kansas City, with the Plaza lights aglow around us.

A Thanksgiving Day flag football game, with all our families.

All our neighbors together for the annual block party.

My family, with the Diamonds and the Macs this past 4 ^th of July.

I glance at Phillip, who's sitting next to me. When I was going through all the pictures, I realized how much Phillip and I have been together. He was in practically every picture with me, even if he was lurking in the background somewhere.

The screen flashes.

Dad, by the grill, holding a plate of very badly burnt hamburgers with Danny's dad and Danny laughing.

The slide show is incredible. Phillip didn't want me to watch it before the funeral, and now I see why. It's like he got me the perfect gift and didn't want me to open it early.

What would I ever do without that boy?

I reach over and put my hand on top of his.

He glances at me, and I mouth thank you to him. He smiles at me, as he wipes tears from his eyes.

At the visitations, all the ladies were telling me what a lucky girl I was to have such a devoted and supportive boyfriend. At first, I told them that Phillip was not my boyfriend, just one of my best friends, but most of the ladies I said that to sorta rolled their eyes at me.

Like Phillip was really my boyfriend, and I was trying to keep it a secret.

When Mrs. Mac told someone that Phillip and I were just very close friends, the lady sneered and practically insinuated that close meant, uh close, as in based on the way he is always touching me, we must be sleeping together.