“This is all so sudden, and I just need time to get things straight. I can’t rush over there right now and tell her what happened. Even if I did that, it’s not like we could be together. You still have to straighten things out with Clark. So let’s put this whole conversation on the brakes. You’re already upset. I don’t want to continue to cause you pain.”

Too late.

Lexi felt completely drained as she left Jack’s house. Somehow she managed to get back to her apartment in one piece. She collapsed onto the couch. Glad, at least for the moment, that she had no more tears to shed. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying. Her complexion had drained of color. Her lips were only a soft pink. The messy ponytail she had forced her hair into that morning had all but fallen out. She realized for the first time that she didn’t even match. She wore purple sweatpants coupled with a ratty orange t-shirt and blue zip-up hoodie. She kicked off her red, black, and white sneakers to reveal one orange and one neon yellow sock. She couldn’t even remember changing.

Lexi stared upwards pathetically counting the number of dots on the ceiling. She reached a number somewhere in the triple digits, forgot which ones she had already counted, and then started over again. Then she started losing count of how many times she had numbered the same area. She closed her eyes hoping to block out the pain she was feeling. All she wanted to do was forget that all of this had happened. Close her eyes and wake up to find that everything was back to normal or at least skip to the part where she felt like a human being again.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been lying there when her phone started buzzing. She didn’t even realize she had stuffed it into her pocket. A feeling of dread took over her body as she stared at the screen flashing Clark’s name. Her stomach curled in around itself wondering whether or not she should answer. Of course, she knew she should answer, but she really didn’t want to hear him say the words that she knew was coming. How could she let this all be over?

She felt the phone buzz once more, and then with a loud sigh answered the phone. “Clark,” she mumbled into the phone.

“Hey, baby,” he said from the other line. Lexi’s heart fluttered at the pet name. Well that was a good sign. She shook her head. No, it was more likely a habit. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to respond to him or if he was going to do all the talking. Her throat felt like it had a handful of cotton balls shoved down it, and even if she had wanted to initiate conversation, she would probably need a full glass of water before she could even attempt to manage it.

“We need to talk.” Lexi gulped. That didn’t sound good. How could he sound so calm after blowing up this morning? How was he so controlled? She was all over the charts. She had cried for hours, and then stared at the ceiling for God knows how long. Clark sounded more like he had just taken a brisk morning jog, gotten out of the shower, had breakfast, and was ready to start the day.

“Alright,” she began, clearing her throat. “Let’s talk.”

“Come meet me for coffee.”

Lexi’s head swam as a vision of Jack standing behind a counter handing her a paper cup brimming with coffee filled her. She snapped her eyes closed hoping to clear her head. The last thing she needed to think about right now was Jack. “Can I…just come over?”

“I’d rather not be at one of our houses.”

Why did she always have to associate coffee with Jack? She just wanted to hit herself. Everything seemed to remind her of Jack. She needed to focus on what he was going to say to her. She needed to remain calm as he broke up with her.

“Coffee it is then,” she said weakly. “See you soon.”

“Yeah.”

Lexi decided that it really didn’t matter that she was going out in public in something resembling a clown outfit. If all she was going there for was to be broken up with, then what did it matter? It didn’t really add to the humiliation. She couldn’t humiliate herself any more than she already had.

*****

Her eyes traveled the familiar building, her heart aching with memories. She entered through the side entrance to avoid getting a glimpse of the counter area and her all too familiar study space. She breathed in the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee and appreciated the dull green glow that emanated from the lamps resting on every table. At least this light didn’t hurt her already damaged eyes. She saw Clark nestled in an overstuffed couch next to the fireplace with two cups sitting before him. They both appeared to be untouched.

Their eyes met across the room. She felt frozen in time in that second as she stared across into his hazel orbs. Clark had always been so intuitive, so knowledgeable. Even from her spot rooted to the floor in front of the entrance, she could tell something had changed in him. In the short time they had been apart, he had come to a decision. A decision that Lexi knew would change everything.

Lexi meandered through the crowded room, and plopped down next to Clark on the sofa. He handed her one of the cups. “Black, like you like it,” he said taking a sip of his own cup.

That was strange enough in itself, because Clark didn’t drink coffee. He was one of those self-motivated people who could survive the morning without that extra buzz. She eyed his cup like it might explode any minute. He followed her gaze to his cup, and revealed a half smile that quickly dissipated. “It’s hot chocolate,” he confessed.

“Oh.”

“You’re probably wondering why I asked you here,” he said.

Lexi didn’t really wonder. She knew why she was here. He needed time before to think about things, and then after thinking things through he was ready to break up with her. He might love her, but Clark wouldn’t be second best. He wouldn’t let this slide. However, all she said was, “I guess.”

“I just…can I ask you something?” he questioned putting his cup back down on the table and turning to look at her.

“You just did,” she said meekly, “but sure, go ahead.” She wasn’t sure why he was prolonging this. It would just be better to get this over with. Cut the strings and all that.

He gave her another half smile before it fell off of his face again. A curl fell into his eyes and he pushed the hair back into place. Lexi hadn’t even realized he had let his hair get so long. He normally cut it all off before it was long enough for her to play with. How had she missed the fact that she was able to run her fingers through his thick mess of curly hair? Had she been so lost in her other world that she hadn’t really been present in this one? Her heart contracted at the knowledge that she would never again have the privilege of playing with his beautiful hair.

Had Jack been right? If the roles had been reversed, would she have given everything up? Would she have willingly given up Clark? Her eyes followed the curly hair down to the five o’clock shadow across his chin, up to the plump lips, and then finally resting on his hazel eyes. Now with him right in front of her, she couldn’t be sure.

“Do you want to be with me?” Clark asked breaking her out of her thoughts.

“Of course I do,” she said without another thought.

“Why…” he began taking a deep breath. “I want to ask why you would do this to me if you claim you want to be with me, but I know that is a useless path to take. You did it because of Jack. I should have known all along. I should have seen the warning signs. I did see the warning signs. I just didn’t want to believe that anything had happened. I wanted us to stay exactly where we were. We were happy, right?” he asked his eyes pleading with her.

“Yeah. We were happy.”

“I knew from the get go what Jack meant to you. I could see it every time his name was mentioned. I could see it every time he was near you. I knew it every time you had to run away from him. You did that to save us. I can see that now,” he said. “Then, I forced ya’ll to be around each other. What did I expect by doing that? I should have known that ya’ll wouldn’t change. Ya’ll would only continue to harbor the same affection you felt previously. Right?”