“Please sit. What can I get you to drink?” Jace asks pulling the chairs away from the table.
“Sprite for me.” I say looking at Bella, who eyes me, but doesn’t confront. I’ve been reading all of these baby magazines online and learned that I’m not supposed to have caffeine, which blows. But I will do anything for my peanut.
“Beer. Draft, please.” Jace nods heading off to the bar to get the drinks, quickly returning.
“So, Casey what’s your story?” Joey asks snidely. I ignore it and it baffles me that no one at the table catches it besides Bella.
“Not much to tell.” I tell them where I’m from and my major. We even discuss how Jace and I met, very idle chit chat. I continue to sip on my Sprite as Bella does a quick recap of her life.
“So what about your family, Casey?” Ella asks, her question seems genuine. I don’t feel the snideness I did from Joey. I flex my fingers and move my knuckles back and forth. Bella handled my family life just fine, but I’m not sure about telling all of them about it all.
“I don’t have any. My dad died a few years ago and now it’s just me.” And my baby.
Jace turns to me shocked. “You have no one else?”
“Don’t let her fool ya. She has a whole club that looks after her.” I turn to Bella my mouth gaping. What the hell?
Jace’s head snaps to mine, his eyebrow raised. “What club?”
I breathe out a deep. “My dad, Bam, was part of Ravage Motorcycle Club. My best friend Harlow is an ol’ lady in the club, but I’m not part of it.”
“What in the hell is an ol’ lady and why the hell would someone want to be called that?” Joey clips and Ella nods her head, both Alex and Jared sit quietly and listen. I really did not want to have this discussion. It seems that anytime I explain it, people get this notion that it’s a horrible thing, that being someone’s property is against all moral code in the world. But for me, I would have given anything to be G.T.’s. I sigh shaking my thoughts.
“An ol’ lady is a sign of respect. It’s the highest form for a woman in the club. It is not a derogatory name nor is there any negativity associated with it. It is an honor to be an ol’ lady. It has the same weight and commitment as being a man’s wife.”
“Have you ever been an ol’ lady?” Ella asks.
“No. Never. If I were an ol’ lady, my man would be right by my side and every single person in this club would know exactly who I belong to.” The thought makes my stomach clench. If only.
“You probably just go around fucking all the guys and be their bitch.” Joey laughs, but to my amazement the entire table turns to her and glares.
“What the hell is wrong with you Joey?” Jace chastises.
What the table does not realize is this is exactly the shit I’ve had to deal with my whole life. It is one of the reasons I never wanted to become a club momma. “She’s just not educated in the club life. It’s alright.” I wave my hand and look directly at Joey.
“I did not go around fucking all the guys in the club. Number one, I’m a club member’s daughter and was raised in the life. I have seen and know better than to ever do that shit. Two, what you’re referring to is a club momma. Those are the women who come in and hop in different guys’ beds each and every night. They enjoy it.”
“Who in the hell would want to do that?” I think back to G.T. The only reason I was ever in his bed was because I loved him. Nothing more.
“They all have their reasons. I wouldn’t know them what each is, but it can range from just wanting to have a good time to craving to be an ol’ lady and thinking this is the way to get there.”
“So is this like a motorcycle gang?” I roll my eyes.
“Not a gang. It’s a club.” Over the years, the term gang has been thrown around relentlessly. The brothers always get pissed at the word because first and foremost Ravage is a club of bikers who love to ride.
“So…”
Jace cut off Joey’s words. “Enough about the club. She’s squirming in her seat. She doesn’t want to talk about it.”
The realization hit that I am, in fact, moving my hips and I immediately stop.
“I think you need a break. Wanna dance?” Jace asks. Suddenly cold shivers flow through my body and I’m in desperate need of a drink. I grip the straw between my lips and begin to suck, the liquid coating my throat. “It’s just a dance. No big deal.”
Bella nudges my arm and I want to elbow her, but refrain. I slide slowly out of the seat. “Sure.”
Jace grabs my hand pulling me to the dance floor. A very slow beat engulfs the room. Jace wraps his arms around my waist linking his fingertips behind my back. Not wanting to pull him too close, I rest my hands on his shoulders.
Why do I get the sudden feeling that we are in high school at a damn dance? Not that I ever went to one.
“Sorry about all that.” I look at Jace’s face. His forehead is wrinkled and his eyebrows press together.
“It’s okay.” My voice is soft compared to the blaring music.
“I am glad that I got to know a little about ya.” He smiles.
My eyes dart away searching for what I have no clue, but my eyes keep jumping from person to person in the room.
“Hey.” He says tilting my chin. I meet his gaze. “I want to get to know you. I like you Casey. There is something about you.”
I remove my head from his grasp. “I can only be friends with you.”
“I can still get to know you.” He chuckles and all I want to do is leave, get away from this man. For some reason, he’s making my insides tangle up and I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to take a step with someone, anyone right now and leading him to believe I do is plain out shitty of me. On top of that, if he knew about the baby, he’d be high tailing it as far as he could away from me.
I pull away from him. “I really think that Bella and I should get going. Thanks a lot for inviting us out.”
Jace reaches up and grips my arm, not hard, but firm. “Please don’t go.”
“It’s for the best.” I turn away from him and spot Bella at the bar. I quickly walk up to her.
“I need to leave now. If you don’t want to come, you’ll need to find a ride.”
“What’s wrong?” She says her eyes widening in panic.
“Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get out of here.”
“It wouldn’t have anything to do with the man coming up behind us would it?” Shit.
“I just need to go. Are you coming or not?”
“Let’s go.”
I turn just as Jace approaches. “Thank you so much for everything. We’re going to head out.”
“Casey. I’m sorry. You don’t need to leave.”
“Yes. I do. Thank you.”
I grab Bella’s arm pulling her out of the club and to the car. She doesn’t say a word until the door’s closed.
“What the hell was that?” She turns in the seat facing me.
“Bella, I get he likes me. I do. But I don’t feel the same way and it will be totally shitty of me to let him think otherwise.”
“I get it. I do. You like him, but there is something else going on here. What is it?” She eyes me and I want to spill it. I want to tell her everything, just so I have someone to talk to besides the doctor I saw just once. But I don’t.
“Nothing. Just tired.” It’s not a full lie because I am; I’m just not admitting anything, not yet.
One week and 5 days later
Taking the drive down to Sumner, a sense of calm comes over me. And I know it’s for one reason and one reason only. Pulling up to the large field lined with stones from one end to the other, I park my car in the vacant spot under the big oak tree.
Walking through the maze, my eyes peer down at the one I’m searching for. Bam Alexander—Father and Brother. I sit on the grass facing the tombstone of my father and reach out placing my hand on the cool stone. Closing my eyes, I let go.
“Hi Daddy. You’re gonna be a grandpa.” I smile. “I know. You’re not too happy about it, but Daddy, I am. I love this little peanut inside of me. Every day I wonder what he or she will look like and what type of personality it will have. I read to the baby every night Daddy, just like you tried to do every night for me. I actually just started it this past week, but I’m trying.” I let out a deep breath. “I don’t want you to be disappointed in me. I’m scared that you are. I didn’t have any intention of getting knocked up, and I should have known better. I haven’t told G.T. yet Dad.” I don’t stop the tears from falling down my face, there is really no point.