I would never understand why I had to lose so much to find him. “I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t met you.”

“Well, you’ll never have to know.”

He kissed me, his lips soft and lingering. In that moment I knew there was never going to be another person like him in my life. No one who would make me feel the way he did.

Hayden pulled away and looked at me with determined intent. “I want to tell you something important.”

In my peripheral vision, the front door swung open. I tried to ignore it, but Chris’s loud voice boomed out across the driveway, his crass comment barely muffled by the rumble of the engine.

Hayden sighed. “Ruin my fucking moment, why don’t you.”

“If you close your eyes, you can pretend he’s not there.”

“I can hear him though, so it’s pointless.”

“I thought you had something important to tell me.”

“It can wait until later. We should go in.” He planted a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth and turned off the car.

My stomach knotted as we approached the entourage waiting for us at the door. Cassie pushed her way to the front, her arm came around my shoulder, and she ushered me into the foyer. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Me, too.”

There was a burst of chatter as Hayden helped me out of my coat, then he went back to the car to retrieve the presents and the food. The foyer was a large, open space with hardwood floors and modern décor. In front of me a staircase led to the second floor, and to the right was a living room with a wood-burning fireplace.

The air of excitement overwhelmed me, and I excused myself to the bathroom. I locked the door and turned on the tap, rooting around in my bag for my bottle of meds. I rolled it between my palms, reluctant to take more, even though the artificial calm would help.

I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. Eventually the rapid beat of my heart slowed. Although that anxiety attack had been thwarted, I didn’t want to risk being unprepared for another. I shook a couple of pills out of the bottle and stuffed them in the hidden pocket in my dress, in case I couldn’t get to my purse later.

Hayden was waiting in the hall when I came out, his arms crossed over his chest. He pushed away from the wall and ran his hands down my bare arms. I didn’t want him to know how much I was already struggling. He’d internalize it as a failure on his part, as unreasonable as that might be.

“Everything all right?” he asked, his hands sifting through my hair, fanning it out over my shoulders.

“I just needed a minute to collect myself.”

He put a finger under my chin and tilted my head up to kiss me tenderly. “I could show you around the house before they bombard you again, if you’d like.”

“That would be good.”

He took my hand and led me away from the laughter filtering down the hall. Nate’s office had a therapist’s vibe. A massive cherry desk was at the back of the room, and the shelves against the wall matched. In the middle of the room were two comfy-looking chairs with footstools set on a lush carpet. Each chair had a side table with a coaster perched on it.

“Does Nate work from home?”

“Occasionally. His patients come through that side entrance.” Hayden pointed across the room to a door nestled between two bookshelves. “He does some work for the hospital’s inpatient unit, too. He’s got some big title.”

“He’s a busy man.”

“Yeah. He’s a lot like my dad in that respect.” A hint of disapproval was in Hayden’s tone. “Nate’s a bit of a workaholic. It’s why Cassie opened up Serendipity. She wanted something meaningful to do with her time.”

I’d wondered about that. Cassie drove a Mercedes and was always impeccably dressed. She almost looked out of place in Serendipity, like polished silver among tarnished brass.

“She doesn’t have to work?”

Hayden shook his head. “Nope. Nate’s got more than enough assets and equity. It probably costs them money to run that store, but she loves it and that’s all Nate cares about. Cassie hates being idle as much as I do. If she had to sit around this house all day, she’d go nuts.”

“How old is she?”

“Midthirties. There was a big age gap between her and my mom, like fifteen years. They were tight, though. Cassie was always around when I was a kid. It was almost like having an older sister, but she didn’t annoy me, which I thought was cool back then. She even lived with us for a bit before my teens.”

“She did?” Hayden’s life hadn’t been much different from mine. He’d had loving parents, a solid family, although from the sound of it, Hayden’s father hadn’t been around much.

“Yeah, I was like her shadow. I think it’s part of the reason she took me in when my parents died. She wanted to return the favor or whatever.” He tugged on my hand. “Come on, let me show you the rest of the house.”

I didn’t press for more information, aware he was sharing these pieces of himself to distract me. We stopped in several more rooms on the main floor. The equipment in the home gym looked as if it was frequently used, and the game room was complete with a pool table and a dartboard.

We took a set of stairs at the back of the house to the second floor. The five bedrooms were decorated in various modern themes. One was being refurbished. Drop cloths covered the furniture and cans of paint were stacked in the center of the room.

“This was my room.” Hayden opened the door closest to the stairs. “It’s been redecorated, though.”

I went in, taking in the elegant lines of the space. The cream and black and raspberry color scheme was a fusion of masculine and feminine energies.

“Cassie painted it dark blue for me. It was a waste, though, since I didn’t stay very long.”

“How long were you here?” I asked, running my hand over the raspberry comforter, gorgeous against the black bed frame. Though the room looked different, I imagined the memories would still be difficult. The love and care from Cassie and Nate would have been overshadowed by the trauma he’d been through.

“Only a couple of months. I was too self-destructive. Nate had this savior-complex thing going on. He wanted me to talk to someone. I refused. Cassie didn’t think he should push it right away, and I was a hard kid to handle. I would have fucked up their marriage if I’d stayed.”

“Why do you say that?”

Hayden shrugged. “Cassie and Nate hadn’t been married long when my parents died. It shook her up, and I was just too much to deal with. I didn’t follow rules. I snuck out at night all the time; came home all fucked up on drugs because I couldn’t cope. Cassie didn’t know what to do with me; she was just as lost as I was. I could see the strain I was putting on them. I’d seen what the crap I pulled did to my parents. I figured it would be better for everyone if I lost my shit without Cassie watching it happen.”

“That’s pretty selfless, for someone so young and in such a bad place.”

He shook his head. “I left because dealing was too hard.”

“We can agree to disagree, then. You were just a boy.”

It was at the core of his makeup to save people from pain, even if it meant distancing himself from them. So it made sense that he’d want to be with me, because as close as we’d become, walls were still between us. Thinner than before, but still there.

He said, “I used to wonder what my life would’ve been like if my parents weren’t dead, how it would’ve been different. But I don’t do that as much anymore.”

“What changed?”

“I met you. I figured all the shit had to be for a reason, right? If I hadn’t gone through it, I’d never get where you’re coming from, and this thing we have.” He traced the line of my jaw with a fingertip. “It wouldn’t be the same.”

Hayden was right. Without our pasts, our connection might have been very different.

19

TENLEY

Everyone was in the kitchen when we came back downstairs. A glass of wine was put in my hand. Hayden grabbed a beer and Nate tossed an apron at him. Hayden grumbled as he pulled it over his head.