Her eyes widened. “This is from Tiffany’s.”

I wasn’t surprised she knew where the bag was from just by looking at it. It seemed to be a girl thing. Tenley reached inside and withdrew the small blue box. Removing the lid, she took out the black box inside. She looked at me, then opened it, inhaling with a soft gasp. “Oh, Hayden.”

“Do you like it?” I asked, unable to read her reaction.

“This is really”—she hesitated—“extravagant.”

“Isn’t that what the holidays are supposed to be about? It reminded me of you, so I wanted you to have it.”

The tears she’d been holding back since she woke up this morning slipped free, which wasn’t quite the reaction I’d been going for.

“If you don’t like it, I can take it back and get you something else.”

“No, no. It’s beautiful. Too much, but beautiful.”

“You’re sure you like it?”

“Absolutely.” She swiped the tears away with the back of her hand. “I love it,” she whispered.

With gentle fingers, she lifted the chain and cradled the tiny cupcake in her palm.

“Can I put it on for you?” I took the chain from her and unclasped it. Tenley lifted her hair and I carefully fastened it around her neck. Then I pressed a kiss against her nape.

Paired with the pale pink dress and her long, dark hair, the tiny cupcake looked perfect. I adjusted it, mostly to feel the warmth of her skin. I just wanted to be close to her.

“I don’t deserve this.” She touched the charm and looked up at me through wet lashes. Grabbing hold of my tie, she tugged me forward, kissing me with lips that quivered. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not true,” I whispered, hating how pained she sounded. Wishing I could make it better, knowing I couldn’t. Today was going to hurt for both of us.

18

TENLEY

I wanted so badly to let Hayden know how much I loved the necklace. Though Connor had given me plenty of jewelry, none of it reflected me as much as the charm hanging around my neck did. Which was exactly why I was falling apart.

The absence of my family made the holiday celebrations overwhelming. Add to that the ever-heightening awareness of my feelings for Hayden, and I was a ticking time bomb. The anxiety made it hard to think, so I just climbed into his lap and fused my mouth to his.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he ignored it, but when mine went off a few seconds later, he sighed and pulled away. “That’ll be Lisa calling to see if we’ve left yet.”

“What happens if I don’t answer it?”

“She’ll call until you do.”

He was right. My phone stopped ringing and Hayden’s started up again. He moved me over to the cushion beside his and dug around in his pocket.

“We’re leaving in five minutes,” he said by way of greeting.

I couldn’t hear Lisa’s response, but Hayden’s frown told me some admonishing might have been going on. I checked the time. We were supposed to be at Cassie’s already. Hayden was rarely late for anything; I’d been the one to procrastinate.

We had fallen into old habits over the past few days, isolating ourselves, blowing off offers to get together for drinks in lieu of spending time alone. Mostly in his bed. Not sleeping. The physical connection helped keep me out of my head.

“We’ll get there when we get there,” Hayden said a little more forcefully. “Yeah. . . . No. . . . Fine. I won’t forget the salad. . . . No, it’s not from a bag. I’m offended. See you in a bit.” He hung up the phone with an irritated sigh.

“We should probably get going, huh?” I felt bad that people were waiting on us.

“Cassie doesn’t serve dinner until five. We have plenty of time. Lisa just wants us to get there so she can start on the cocktails.”

“And she can’t do that until we arrive?”

“She can. She’s just being a pain in the ass.” He lifted the box propped against the coffee table into his lap. “I’m opening this before we go.”

Hayden was careful as he slid his finger under the taped edge. He managed to remove it without tearing the paper. I fidgeted impatiently as he lifted the lid from the box and removed the foam padding that buffered the edges. Then he turned over the canvas print.

“Holy mother of fuck.”

His eyes moved over the black-and-white image that started at my neck and ended at my hip. The body was angled slightly so the swell of my breast was visible, but the focus was my unfinished tattoo. Lisa would do another shoot in full color when it was completed.

“This is you.”

“Do you like it?” I asked, worried about his dark expression.

“I’m going to ask you something, and I don’t want you to get upset with me.” When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “Who took this?”

“Lisa took all of them.”

“Them?”

“There are three.”

“Are you naked in all of them?”

“In two, yes.”

He wet his bottom lip. “When do I get to see the rest?”

“You get one at Cassie’s, and one tomorrow morning. The one at Cassie’s is the least revealing.”

“Will I want to gouge out someone’s eyes if they see it?”

“No.”

“Maybe we should leave it here. Just in case,” Hayden suggested.

“It’s sensual, not pornographic. Like the ones in your bedroom.”

He pried his eyes away from the image. “Hm. It looks like those will have to come down, won’t they?”

“Looks like.” I dropped my head, hiding my smile of triumph.

It was almost three in the afternoon by the time we arrived at Cassie’s. I was jittery, despite taking meds before we left. Hayden suggested I bring extra, just in case.

The meds made me loopy, and I’d been quiet on the trip to Cassie and Nate’s, fiddling constantly with the charm around my neck. Hayden pulled into the driveway, parking beside Lisa’s Beetle. I took a deep breath as I unlatched my seat belt.

Before I could reach for the door handle Hayden put his hand on my arm. “If it gets to be too much, say the word and we can go home.”

“I’m not going to take you away from your family on the holidays, Hayden. I’ll be fine.”

“They’re your family, too.” When I shook my head, he said, “Maybe not in the usual sense, but all of them understand this is hard on you. No one expects you to power through, okay?”

I nodded, unable to speak through the sudden flood of emotion. They were like a family. Lisa and Chris and Jamie were just as much a part of Cassie’s life as Hayden was. They were like surrogate adult children to her.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I said, leaning across the console to kiss him.

“You don’t have to. You have me and I’m not going anywhere.”

He spoke with such conviction, as if any other option weren’t possible. Truly, there was no other way to get through this, not for me. That I had walked away from him in the first place to sort through a past full of ghosts seemed untenable now. Rogue tears leaked out and I brushed them away, but more followed.

“I’m so sorry I left you.”

“What?” Hayden asked, confused.

“I shouldn’t have gone back to Arden Hills without explaining. I shouldn’t have done that to you, and I’m so, so sorry. I wanted to stay here. I wanted to be with you but I didn’t think I could, and I wish it had been different.” I could feel my hysteria rising.

“Hey.” Hayden held my face between his hands, forcing me to look at him. “Calm down, kitten. It’s all right. Everything is okay now. You’re back with me where you belong, and that’s all that matters.” His thumbs swept away the tears beneath my eyes. “We’ll get through this together. You and me. Just remember, you’ve survived worse things than this. Whatever’s going on in your head right now, you’ve made it through worse.”

“Sometimes I feel guilty for having you,” I whispered.

“I get that. And I wish I could make that feeling go away for you. You know your family wouldn’t want you to be alone, right? They’d want you to have people in your life to love you and take care of you. I don’t know that they would have chosen me to be that person, but I want to be if you’ll let me.”