Based on previous experience, I doubted I’d last more than a couple of weeks, at best. I wasn’t telling her that, though. “For a while. We need to sort through our shit before I can go there again. It makes me feel too much, and I can’t handle it.”

“Okay. If that’s what you think is best.”

I pinned her with a glare. “I’ve heard that before. Don’t make this hard for me. It won’t help either of us, and it’ll just make me more pissed at you.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

We had just enough time to retrieve my car from the impound lot and book it back to Inked Armor. Tenley paid the fee because she felt responsible for my car’s being towed in the first place. Afterward, I gave her the keys to my place because she wanted to check on TK. She hadn’t asked to take her home yet and I wasn’t going to bring it up. I wasn’t all that keen on parting with her, but I would if that was what Tenley wanted. Which made me a huge sucker and irritated the fuck out of me.

Nate showed up at six on the dot, and at his request we went over the sketches in one of the private rooms. It meant he wanted to interrogate me, much like everyone else.

“Cassie tells me Tenley came home,” he said as he sifted through the photos in his file and the drawings I’d done based on our design discussion.

“Yeah.”

“How’s that going?”

“All right.”

He looked up from the paper in his hand.

“Things are a little tense.”

“I’m sure they are. You want to talk about it?”

“Nah, I’m all talked out today.”

Nate let it go. He narrowed it down to two sketches and pointed out the things he liked about both of them. It would be easy enough to merge them into one drawing. I asked him for a week to work on it and we scheduled a follow-up appointment.

“Have the nightmares let up at all?” Nate asked as I returned the sketches to his folder with the notes we made.

“Not so much.”

“So they’re getting worse?”

I frowned. “How would you know that?”

“Lots of stress in your life. Tenley’s leaving would echo the loss of your parents, and the loss of control.”

“Yeah, well, maybe now that she’s back it’ll get better.”

I didn’t think that would be true, though. The nightmares had worsened over the past few weeks and were increasingly vivid. I had new dreams beyond the one where I found my parents’ bodies, and the ones where Tenley replaced them. Some were definitely memories. Others were less clear. The newest ones creeped me right out.

“Did you ever see the crime scene photos?” I asked before I lost my nerve.

“No. But I know you did,” he replied cautiously.

I nodded slowly, mulling over what I’d seen and what I remembered. It was so long ago, and I’d been so fucked up. “All the art from my parents’ house, is it in the storage unit?”

“I haven’t gotten rid of anything, so I assume so. What’s this about? Was there a piece you wanted? I could come with you.”

“I don’t know. Do you remember if they ever took one for evidence?” It was such a hazy time for me. Nothing about those months after my parents’ deaths was clear, apart from haunting images of their dead bodies and parts of the interrogation afterward.

“I don’t believe so. Is it something you’d like to look into?”

“Do you remember the angel?”

“Pardon?” Nate’s confusion was obvious.

“I could have sworn it was on the floor, but it wasn’t in any of the crime scene photos.” Even as I said it, I started to second-guess myself. Memories weren’t always reliable.

“I’m sorry, I’m not following.” Nate leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.

The intensity in the way he regarded me made me uneasy and I shut down. I was probably misremembering, and I sounded like a mental case. “It’s nothing, just part of a stupid dream. Never mind.”

“Are you recalling things you didn’t before? It’s not uncommon for that to happen years after a trauma occurs. I could set you up with someone to talk to about it, if you don’t feel comfortable with me—”

“Don’t start, Nate—”

“Hear me out before you say no. I know this woman. She’s easy to talk to.” When I interrupted, he talked over me. “All I’m suggesting is that you give it a shot. It’s just one hour. There’s no obligation beyond that. If you don’t like her, or it’s not for you, then I’ll drop it.”

“I’ll think about it,” I said, mostly to shut him up.

“You do that.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “If you decide you want to go to the storage unit for whatever reason, or you feel like taking me up on my offer, just call. Otherwise, I’ll see you next week.”

“Later, Nate.” I shuffled the sketches to avoid further eye contact as he left.

I still wasn’t sold on the idea. All that talking would resurrect my shitty past. I didn’t see the benefit in sifting through the sludge just so someone with a PhD in head-fucking could tell me I had PTSD. Labeling it wouldn’t make it go away.

11

TENLEY

TK was curled up on Hayden’s bed, sleeping on a pillow from my apartment. She lifted her head, gave me a groggy mew, and settled her chin on her paws. I climbed up beside her and scratched between her ears. With a graceful roll, she stretched out, eating up the attention. She had grown since I’d left, but not much. I liked that she still looked more like a kitten than a cat.

“I missed you,” I said, stroking her striped belly with its white patch in the center.

She purred in response and scampered into my lap. Her paws came up on my shoulders and she nudged my cheek with her nose. I lay back on Hayden’s pillows; they smelled like him. It was something else I missed. I’d been wearing one of his shirts when I left Chicago. I slept with it until it lost its scent.

He’d changed the sheets before we left this morning. While the undeniable chemistry was still present, the connection we shared had been absent. I hoped it wasn’t gone permanently. The last time we were together, right before I’d left, had been so much sweeter. I’d wanted to tell him how I felt about him. I still did. But he wasn’t ready to hear it, and I was still working up the nerve to say the words. They carried no weight if I couldn’t persuade him I wasn’t going anywhere again.

I stayed with TK longer than I meant to, caught up in memories and worries. At nine, I headed back to Inked Armor. The shop didn’t close for another hour, but if I made myself available, Hayden might decide he wanted to spend more time with me.

He was in the middle of a consultation when I entered the shop. At least this one was male, a repeat customer based on the amount of ink on his arms. Jamie and Chris were busy with clients; both of them glanced up and gave me a nod. Hayden paused in his conversation with his client and gave me a half smile.

“Hey, kitten,” he said, “I’ll be a while yet. Lisa’s in the office working on the books.”

I bit the inside of my lip to keep my grin from becoming too wide. That he was still calling me by that nickname had to be a good thing. “Okay. I’ll see if she wants some company.”

Hayden’s client regarded me with speculative interest as I passed, but Hayden didn’t offer introductions, so I continued to the rear of the shop. The door to Lisa’s office was open, but I knocked anyway. Before, I might have barged in, but I didn’t know where the boundaries were now and I didn’t want to take anything for granted.

Lisa glanced at me from behind the computer screen as her fingers flew over the keyboard. “Hey! Come on in.”

“I don’t want to interrupt.” I remained in the doorway.

“Interruptions are always welcome, and we have catching up to do.” She stopped typing and turned her full attention to me. “How’s your first day back been?”

“Okay.”

She stood up and rounded the desk, pulling me in for a hug. It was exactly what I needed.