She retracted her fingers and settled her palm on my chest, pushing me down on the bed. Her hair fanned out over my chest, tickling the skin as she kept up with the kissing, teasing soft nips interspersed with mind-bending strokes of tongue. Eventually I snaked my hand around the back of her neck and drew her closer.

She shifted around, bracing her weight on one arm, then she started up with the touching again. And stupid fucking me soaked it up. I’d been deprived for too long. The slow progression from my arm to my shoulder, over my chest down to the waistband, and then back up was infuriating. My hips shifted of their own accord, seeking what I was denying us both. She brushed my erection through the fabric.

And I snapped.

In a smooth surge, I wound an arm around her waist and rolled on top of her, settling between her thighs. Even through the thin cotton I could feel the heat and wetness, welcoming me home. I fumbled with the hem of her shirt and yanked it up. She started to pull it over her head, but I swatted her hands out of the way. She might have started this, but I was going to finish it.

Fuck waiting. Fuck necessary conversations. Fuck getting the answers. I ran my palms heavily along her ribs, to the soft swell of her breasts. The barbells were fully healed now, so there was no need to be gentle. I dropped my head and sucked the taut skin into my mouth. Her hands went to my hair, pulling me closer as she arched under me. I bit down, probably harder than I should have, and she gasped.

“I told you it wasn’t a good idea, but you didn’t listen, did you?” I was rerouting the anger into sexual aggression. I shifted in the cradle of her hips; my erection nestled right where I wanted it.

“I’m sorry. I missed you.” Her hands moved down my back and under the waistband, nails digging into my ass.

“Then you should have come back sooner.”

“I wanted to.”

“I don’t want lip service. You shouldn’t have left me here without any fucking clue as to why you were gone. You should have done something about it.”

“Then let me show you.” Tenley tried to slip a hand between us and get to my cock.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” I threaded my fingers through hers and brought her arm up over her head, pinning it to the bed, and did the same with the other one, clasping them together with one hand so I had the other one free. “I’ll give it to you when I’m damn good and ready.”

With a quick shove I pushed my pants down to free my aching erection. Then I shifted my hips back, my cock sliding along her slick skin. I kept it up for a long time, until she was panting and moaning. Every time she got close to an orgasm, I stopped. Then I resumed the slow glide until I was on the verge of coming myself. I slid lower, the head nudging past her entrance. I stopped.

“Please, Hayden.” Her eyes were glassy, her cheeks flushed. She struggled against the hold I had on her hands.

“Please what?” I asked tightly.

“I need you. Please.” Some of the heat in her gaze evaporated. “I never stopped wanting you while I was gone. I just didn’t think I deserved you.”

Relief replaced the near-violent fear that had settled under my skin. Her admission made me powerless against the covetousness to reclaim what was mine. I pushed forward and Tenley lifted her hips as my piercing eased past the threshold. I closed my eyes as the sensation of being connected to her like this again consumed every rational thought. I wanted it to erase all the hurt and the pain, but instead it reminded me of how alone I’d been without her, and how I never wanted to go through that again.

I released her hands and they immediately smoothed down my back and up again, clinging to my shoulders. Then I started a heavy fill and retreat. As I picked up momentum, Tenley’s legs tightened around my waist. I was far from gentle, slamming into her relentlessly. With grim satisfaction I watched her come apart underneath me, over and over again, her eyes never leaving mine. When the lick of fire shot down my spine, I buried my face in her neck even as she pleaded with me to look at her. I couldn’t handle being that transparent, so I denied her. I came so hard, I nearly blacked out.

9

TENLEY

We never made it out for breakfast. And Hayden was late for work.

“You’re going to come in and say hi to everyone, right?” he asked as we passed through the lobby of his building.

“Maybe I should wait until later,” I replied hesitantly. The sex left me feeling awkward and did nothing to assuage the strain lingering between us as we walked side by side, not touching.

“They’ve all missed you, too. It wasn’t just me you left behind.”

The reminder of the pain I’d caused brought on a fresh wave of remorse. I’d exchanged one guilt for another, but at least I had some control over this situation. This I could fix. Hopefully.

“Okay. I’ll come with you.”

His shoulders relaxed and he took my hand. I imagined the pendulum swing of his moods would continue as we sorted through the emotional turmoil I’d created.

We stepped out into the cold afternoon and headed right, passing the storefronts at street level. Hayden had the shortest commute in the world. I glanced at Serendipity, across the street. I’d need to go there next and face Cassie.

The door tinkled as we entered Inked Armor, and silence fell over the shop.

“Hi,” I said meekly as Lisa and Jamie stared. Surprisingly, neither looked all that shocked to see me.

Lisa shot up and came barreling toward me from behind the cash register. “I’m so glad you’re home! When did you get back?” She threw her arms around me, squeezing the breath out of my lungs.

“Late last night.” I returned the embrace.

“You should have sent me a message,” she whispered, too low for anyone else to hear. Lisa was the only one I’d kept in constant contact with. And only because she’d sent me persistent messages the whole time. She was a difficult one to ignore. I squeezed her arm, so she knew I heard her.

“He knows we were all in touch with you,” she murmured, then stepped back. “You’ve lost weight,” she said with disapproval. “And what happened to your face?”

“It’s not a big deal.” I glanced toward the back of the shop, where her office and the private rooms were. I needed to get her alone so I could ask how Hayden found out. It would explain his comment last night and why my silence was so upsetting, beyond the obvious reasons.

Lisa’s eyes moved surreptitiously to Hayden. He crossed his arms over his chest and dropped his head, eyes on the floor. I was sure as soon I left she would ask him all the questions she couldn’t ask me.

Jamie saved me from further interrogation by drawing me in for a hug of his own. “You’ve been sorely missed.”

Chris came out of the supply room when he heard all the commotion, laden down with an armful of supplies. “Tee! You’re back!” He dropped the supplies on the closest surface and lifted me right off my feet. “It’s good to see you, girl.” He set me down. “Sarah tried to call you last night, after she listened to your messages. It’s my fault she missed them in the first place.” He gave me a sheepish smile.

I laughed, even though tears slid down my cheeks. Lisa grabbed me a tissue and Hayden put a protective arm around my shoulder, pressing his nose into my damp hair. “Too much, too soon?” he asked.

“A little overwhelmed is all,” I replied, embarrassed.

“You’re not alone there,” he whispered.

While it was good to see them, conversation was a bit strained; they obviously had questions they didn’t feel comfortable asking yet.

When Chris’s first client arrived, I took the opportunity to make an exit. “I’ve got some things to take care of today.” But Hayden and I had been in such a rush to get out the door, we hadn’t discussed when we’d get together again.