That he suspects none; on whose foolish honesty
My practices ride easy. I see the business.
Let me, if not by birth, have lands by wit.
All with me’s meet that I can fashion fit.
Exit
Sc. 3 Enter Gonoril and Oswald, her gentleman
GONORIL
Did my father strike my gentleman
For chiding of his fool?
OSWALD Yes, madam.
GONORIL
By day and night he wrongs me. Every hour
He flashes into one gross crime or other
That sets us all at odds. I’ll not endure it.
His knights grow riotous, and himself upbraids us
On every trifle. When he returns from hunting
I will not speak with him. Say I am sick.
If you come slack of former services
You shall do well; the fault of it I’ll answer.
⌈Hunting horns within⌉
OSWALD He’s coming, madam. I hear him.
GONORIL
Put on what weary negligence you please,
You and your fellow servants. I’d have it come in
question.
If he dislike it, let him to our sister,
Whose mind and mine I know in that are one,
Not to be overruled. Idle old man,
That still would manage those authorities
That he hath given away! Now, by my life,
Old fools are babes again, and must be used
With checks as flatteries, when they are seen abused.
Remember what I tell you.
OSWALD Very well, madam.
GONORIL
And let his knights have colder looks among you.
What grows of it, no matter. Advise your fellows so.
I would breed from hence occasions, and I shall,
That I may speak. I’ll write straight to my sister
To hold my very course. Go prepare for dinner.
Exeunt severally
Sc. 4 Enter the Earl of Kent, disguised
KENT
If but as well I other accents borrow
That can my speech diffuse, my good intent
May carry through itself to that full issue
For which I razed my likeness. Now, banished Kent,
If thou canst serve where thou dost stand condemned,
Thy master, whom thou lov’st, shall find thee full of
labour.
Enter King Lear and servants from hunting
LEAR Let me not stay a jot for dinner. Go get it ready.
⌈Exit one⌉
(To Kent) How now, what art thou?
KENT A man, sir.
LEAR What dost thou profess? What wouldst thou with us?
KENT I do profess to be no less than I seem, to serve him truly that will put me in trust, to love him that is honest, to converse with him that is wise and says little, to fear judgement, to fight when I cannot choose, and to eat no fish.
LEAR What art thou?
KENT A very honest-hearted fellow, and as poor as the King.
LEAR If thou be as poor for a subject as he is for a king, thou’rt poor enough. What wouldst thou?
KENT Service.
LEAR Who wouldst thou serve?
KENT You.
LEAR Dost thou know me, fellow?
KENT No, sir, but you have that in your countenance which I would fain call master.
LEAR What’s that?
KENT Authority.
LEAR What services canst do?
KENT I can keep honest counsel, ride, run, mar a curious tale in telling it, and deliver a plain message bluntly. That which ordinary men are fit for I am qualified in; and the best of me is diligence.
LEAR How old art thou?
KENT Not so young to love a woman for singing, nor so old to dote on her for anything. I have years on my back forty-eight.
LEAR Follow me. Thou shalt serve me, if I like thee no worse after dinner. I will not part from thee yet.—Dinner, ho, dinner! Where’s my knave, my fool? Go you and call my fool hither.
⌈Exit one⌉
Enter Oswald the steward
You, sirrah, where’s my daughter?
OSWALD So please you—
Exit
LEAR What says the fellow there? Call the clotpoll back.
Exeunt Servant ⌈and Kent⌉
Where’s my fool? Ho, I think the world’s asleep.
Enter the Earl of Kent ⌈and a Servant⌉
How now, where’s that mongrel?
KENT He says, my lord, your daughter is not well.
LEAR Why came not the slave back to me when I called him?
SERVANT Sir, he answered me in the roundest manner he would not.
LEAR A would not?
SERVANT My lord, I know not what the matter is, but to my judgement your highness is not entertained with that ceremonious affection as you were wont. There’s a great abatement appears as well in the general dependants as in the Duke himself also, and your daughter.
LEAR Ha, sayst thou so?
SERVANT I beseech you pardon me, my lord, if I be mistaken, for my duty cannot be silent when I think your highness wronged.
LEAR Thou but rememberest me of mine own conception. I have perceived a most faint neglect of late, which I have rather blamed as mine own jealous curiosity than as a very pretence and purport of unkindness. I will look further into’t. But where’s this fool? I have not seen him these two days.
SERVANT Since my young lady’s going into France, sir, the fool hath much pined away.
LEAR No more of that, I have noted it. Go you and tell my daughter I would speak with her. ⌈Exit one⌉ Go you, call hither my fool. ⌈Exit one⌉
Enter Oswald the steward ⌈crossing the stage⌉
O you, sir, you, sir, come you hither. Who am I, sir?
OSWALD My lady’s father.
LEAR My lady’s father? My lord’s knave, you whoreson dog, you slave, you cur!
OSWALD I am none of this, my lord, I beseech you pardon me.
LEAR Do you bandy looks with me, you rascal?
⌈Lear strikes him⌉
OSWALD I’ll not be struck, my lord—
KENT (tripping him) Nor tripped neither, you base football player.
LEAR (to Kent) I thank thee, fellow. Thou serv’st me, and I’ll love thee.
KENT (to Oswald) Come, sir, I’ll teach you differences. Away, away. If you will measure your lubber’s length again, tarry; but away if you have wisdom.
Exit Oswald
LEAR Now, friendly knave, I thank thee.
Enter Lear’s Fool
There’s earnest of thy service.
He gives Kent money
FOOL Let me hire him, too. (To Kent) Here’s my coxcomb.
LEAR How now, my pretty knave, how dost thou?
FOOL (to Kent) Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.
KENT Why, fool?
FOOL Why, for taking one’s part that’s out of favour. Nay, an thou canst not smile as the wind sits, thou’lt catch cold shortly. There, take my coxcomb. Why, this fellow hath banished two on’s daughters and done the third a blessing against his will. If thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb. (To Lear) How now, nuncle? Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters.
LEAR Why, my boy?
FOOL If I gave them my living I’d keep my coxcombs myself. There’s mine; beg another off thy daughters.