DUKE And you.
LUCIO Does Bridget paint still, Pompey, ha?
ELBOW (to Pompey) Come your ways, sir, come.
POMPEY (to Lucio) You will not bail me then, sir?
LUCIO Then, Pompey, nor now.—What news abroad, friar, what news?
ELBOW (to Pompey) Come your ways, sir, come.
LUCIO Go to kennel, Pompey, go.
Exeunt Elbow, Pompey, and officers
What news, friar, of the Duke?
DUKE I know none. Can you tell me of any?
LUCIO Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia; other some, he is in Rome. But where is he, think you?
DUKE I know not where; but wheresoever, I wish him well.
LUCIO It was a mad, fantastical trick of him to steal from the state, and usurp the beggary he was never born to. Lord Angelo dukes it well in his absence; he puts transgression to’t. 361
DUKE He does well in’t.
LUCIO A little more lenity to lechery would do no harm in him. Something too crabbed that way, friar.
DUKE It is too general a vice, and severity must cure it.
LUCIO Yes, in good sooth, the vice is of a great kindred, it is well allied. But it is impossible to extirp it quite, friar, till eating and drinking be put down. They say this Angelo was not made by man and woman, after this downright way of creation. Is it true, think you?
DUKE How should he be made, then?
LUCIO Some report a sea-maid spawned him, some that he was begot between two stockfishes. But it is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice; that I know to be true. And he is a motion ungenerative; that’s infallible.
DUKE You are pleasant, sir, and speak apace.
LUCIO Why, what a ruthless thing is this in him, for the rebellion of a codpiece to take away the life of a man! Would the Duke that is absent have done this? Ere he would have hanged a man for the getting a hundred bastards, he would have paid for the nursing a thousand. He had some feeling of the sport, he knew the service, and that instructed him to mercy.
DUKE I never heard the absent Duke much detected for women; he was not inclined that way.
LUCIO O sir, you are deceived.
DUKE ’Tis not possible.
LUCIO Who, not the Duke? Yes, your beggar of fifty; and his use was to put a ducat in her clack-dish. The Duke had crochets in him. He would be drunk too, that let me inform you.
DUKE You do him wrong, surely.
LUCIO Sir, I was an inward of his. A shy fellow was the Duke, and I believe I know the cause of his withdrawing.
DUKE What, I prithee, might be the cause?
LUCIO No, pardon, ’tis a secret must be locked within the teeth and the lips. But this I can let you understand. The greater file of the subject held the Duke to be wise.
DUKE Wise? Why, no question but he was.
LUCIO A very superficial, ignorant, unweighing fellow.
DUKE Either this is envy in you, folly, or mistaking. The very stream of his life, and the business he hath helmed, must, upon a warranted need, give him a better proclamation. Let him be but testimonied in his own bringings-forth, and he shall appear to the envious a scholar, a statesman, and a soldier. Therefore you speak unskilfully, or, if your knowledge be more, it is much darkened in your malice.
LUCIO Sir, I know him and I love him. 410
DUKE Love talks with better knowledge, and knowledge with dearer love.
LUCIO Come, sir, I know what I know.
DUKE I can hardly believe that, since you know not what you speak. But if ever the Duke return, as our prayers are he may, let me desire you to make your answer before him. If it be honest you have spoke, you have courage to maintain it. I am bound to call upon you; and I pray you, your name?
LUCIO Sir, my name is Lucio, well known to the Duke.
DUKE He shall know you better, sir, if I may live to report you.
LUCIO I fear you not.
DUKE O, you hope the Duke will return no more, or you imagine me too unhurtful an opposite. But indeed I can do you little harm; you’ll forswear this again.
LUCIO I’ll be hanged first. Thou art deceived in me, friar. But no more of this. Canst thou tell if Claudio die tomorrow or no?
DUKE Why should he die, sir?
LUCIO Why? For filling a bottle with a tundish. I would the Duke we talk of were returned again; this ungenitured agent will unpeople the province with continency. Sparrows must not build in his house-eaves, because they are lecherous. The Duke yet would have dark deeds darkly answered: he would never bring them to light. Would he were returned. Marry, this Claudio is condemned for untrussing. Farewell, good friar. I prithee pray for me. The Duke, I say to thee again, would eat mutton on Fridays. He’s not past it yet, and, I say to thee, he would mouth with a beggar, though she smelt brown bread and garlic. Say that I said so. Farewell. Exit
DUKE
No might nor greatness in mortality
Can censure scape; back-wounding calumny
The whitest virtue strikes. What king so strong
Can tie the gall up in the slanderous tongue?
Enter Escalus, the Provost, and Mistress Overdone
But who comes here?
ESCALUS (to the Provost) Go, away with her to prison.
MISTRESS OVERDONE Good my lord, be good to me. Your honour is accounted a merciful man, good my lord.
ESCALUS Double and treble admonition, and still forfeit in the same kind! This would make mercy swear and play the tyrant.
PROVOST A bawd of eleven years’ continuance, may it please your honour.
MISTRESS OVERDONE My lord, this is one Lucio’s information against me. Mistress Kate Keepdown was with child by him in the Duke’s time; he promised her marriage. His child is a year and a quarter old come Philip and Jacob. I have kept it myself; and see how he goes about to abuse me.
ESCALUS That fellow is a fellow of much licence. Let him be called before us. Away with her to prison. Go to, no more words. Provost, my brother Angelo will not be altered; Claudio must die tomorrow. Let him be furnished with divines, and have all charitable preparation. If my brother wrought by my pity, it should not be so with him.
PROVOST So please you, this friar hath been with him and advised him for th’entertainment of death.
ESCALUS Good even, good father.
DUKE Bliss and goodness on you.
ESCALUS Of whence are you?
DUKE
Not of this country, though my chance is now
To use it for my time. I am a brother
Of gracious order, late come from the See
In special business from his Holiness.
ESCALUS What news abroad i’th’ world?
DUKE None, but that there is so great a fever on goodness that the dissolution of it must cure it. Novelty is only in request, and it is as dangerous to be aged in any kind of course as it is virtuous to be inconstant in any undertaking. There is scarce truth enough alive to make societies secure, but security enough to make fellowships accursed. Much upon this riddle runs the wisdom of the world. This news is old enough, yet it is every day’s news. I pray you, sir, of what disposition was the Duke?
ESCALUS One that, above all other strifes, contended especially to know himself.
DUKE What pleasure was he given to?
ESCALUS Rather rejoicing to see another merry than merry at anything which professed to make him rejoice; a gentleman of all temperance. But leave we him to his events, with a prayer they may prove prosperous, and let me desire to know how you find Claudio prepared. I am made to understand that you have lent him visitation.