ACHILLES Thou must be my ambassador to him, Thersites.

THERSITES Who, I? Why, he’ll answer nobody. He professes not answering. Speaking is for beggars. He wears his tongue in’s arms. I will put on his presence. Let Patroclus make demands to me. You shall see the pageant of Ajax.

ACHILLES To him, Patroclus. Tell him I humbly desire the valiant Ajax to invite the most valorous Hector to come unarmed to my tent, and to procure safe-conduct for his person of the magnanimous and most illustrious six-or-seven-times-honoured captain-general of the Grecian army, Agamemnon; et cetera. Do this.

PATROCLUS (to Thersites) Jove bless great Ajax!

THERSITES H’m.

PATROCLUS I come from the worthy Achilles—

THERSITES Ha?

PATROCLUS Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent—

THERSITES H’m!

PATROCLUS And to procure safe-conduct from Agamemnon.

THERSITES Agamemnon?

PATROCLUS Ay, my lord.

THERSITES Ha!

PATROCLUS What say you to’t?

THERSITES God b’wi’ you, with all my heart.

PATROCLUS Your answer, sir?

THERSITES If tomorrow be a fair day, by eleven o’clock it will go one way or other. Howsoever, he shall pay for me ere he has me.

PATROCLUS Your answer, sir?

THERSITES Fare ye well, with all my heart.

ACHILLES Why, but he is not in this tune, is he?

THERSITES No, but he’s out o’ tune thus. What music will be in him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know not. But I am feared none, unless the fiddler Apollo get his sinews to make catlings on.

ACHILLES

Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight.

THERSITES Let me carry another to his horse, for that’s the more capable creature.

ACHILLES

My mind is troubled like a fountain stirred,

And I myself see not the bottom of it.

Exit with Patroclus

THERSITES Would the fountain of your mind were clear again, that I might water an ass at it. I had rather be a tick in a sheep than such a valiant ignorance. Exit

4.1 Enter at one door Aeneas with a torch; at another Paris, Deiphobus, Antenor, and Diomedes the Grecian, with torch-bearers

PARIS See, hol Who is that there?

DEIPHOBUS It is the Lord Aeneas.

AENEAS Is the Prince there in person? Had I so good occasion to lie long

As you, Prince Paris, nothing but heavenly business

Should rob my bed-mate of my company.

DIOMEDES

That’s my mind too. Good morrow, Lord Aeneas.

PARIS

A valiant Greek, Aeneas, take his hand.

Witness the process of your speech, wherein

You told how Diomed e’en a whole week by days

Did haunt you in the field.

AENEAS (to Diomedes) Health to you, valiant sir,

During all question of the gentle truce.

But when I meet you armed, as black defiance

As heart can think or courage execute.

DIOMEDES

The one and other Diomed embraces.

Our bloods are now in calm; and so long, health.

But when contention and occasion meet,

By Jove I’ll play the hunter for thy life

With all my force, pursuit, and policy.

AENEAS

And thou shalt hunt a lion that will fly

With his face backward. In humane gentleness,

Welcome to Troy. Now by Anchises’ life,

Welcome indeed) By Venus’ hand I swear

No man alive can love in such a sort

The thing he means to kill more excellently.

DIOMEDES

We sympathize. Jove, let Aeneas live—

If to my sword his fate be not the glory—

A thousand complete courses of the sun;

But, in mine emulous honour, let him die

With every joint a wound—and that, tomorrow.

AENEAS We know each other well.

DIOMEDES

We do, and long to know each other worse.

PARIS

This is the most despitefull‘st gentle greeting,

The noblest hateful love, that e’er I heard of.

What business, lord, so early?

AENEAS

I was sent for to the King; but why, I know not.

PARIS

His purpose meets you: ’twas to bring this Greek

To Calchas’ house, and there to render him,

For the enfreed Antenor, the fair Cressid.

Let’s have your company, or if you please

Haste there before us. ⌈Aside⌉ I constantly do think—

Or rather, call my thought a certain knowledge—

My brother Troilus lodges there tonight.

Rouse him and give him note of our approach,

With the whole quality wherefore. I fear

We shall be much unwelcome.

AENEAS ⌈aside⌉ That I assure you.

Troilus had rather Troy were borne to Greece

Than Cressid borne from Troy.

PARIS ⌈aside⌉

There is no help.

The bitter disposition of the time

Will have it so.

⌈Aloud⌉ On, lord, we’ll follow you.

AENEAS Good morrow all.

Exit

PARIS

And tell me, noble Diomed—faith, tell me true,

Even in the soul of sound good-fellowship-

Who in your thoughts merits fair Helen most,

Myself or Menelaus?

DIOMEDES Both alike.

He merits well to have her that doth seek her,

Not making any scruple of her soilure,

With such a hell of pain and world of charge;

And you as well to keep her that defend her,

Not palating the taste of her dishonour,

With such a costly loss of wealth and friends.

He like a puling cuckold would drink up

The lees and dregs of a flat ’tamed piece;

You like a lecher out of whorish loins

Are pleased to breed out your inheritors.

Both merits poised, each weighs nor less nor more,

But he as he: which heavier for a whore?

PARIS

You are too bitter to your countrywoman.

DIOMEDES

She’s bitter to her country. Hear me, Paris.

For every false drop in her bawdy veins

A Grecian’s life hath sunk; for every scruple

Of her contaminated carrion weight

A Trojan hath been slain. Since she could speak

She hath not given so many good words breath