PANDARUS Who, my cousin Cressida?
SERVANT No, sir, Helen. Could not you find out that by her attributes?
PANDARUS It should seem, fellow, that thou hast not seen the Lady Cressid. I come to speak with Paris from the Prince Troilus. I will make a complimental assault upon him, for my business seethes.
SERVANT Sodden business! There’s a stewed phrase, indeed.
Enter Paris and Helen, attended ⌈by musicians⌉
PANDARUS Fair be to you, my lord, and to all this fair company. Fair desires in all fair measure fairly guide them—especially to you, fair Queen. Fair thoughts be your fair pillow.
HELEN Dear lord, you are full of fair words.
PANDARUS You speak your fair pleasure, sweet Queen. (To Paris) Fair prince, here is good broken music.
PARIS You have broke it, cousin, and by my life you shall make it whole again. You shall piece it out with a piece of your performance.—Nell, he is full of harmony.
PANDARUS Truly, lady, no.
HELEN O sir.
⌈She tickles him⌉
PANDARUS Rude, in sooth, in good sooth very rude.
PARIS Well said, my lord. Will you say so in fits?
PANDARUS I have business to my lord, dear Queen.—My lord, will you vouchsafe me a word?
HELEN Nay, this shall not hedge us out. We’ll hear you sing, certainly.
PANDARUS Well, sweet Queen, you are pleasant with me.—But marry, thus, my lord: my dear lord and most esteemed friend, your brother Troilus—
HELEN My lord Pandarus, honey-sweet lord.
PANDARUS Go to, sweet Queen, go tot—commends himself most affectionately to you.
HELEN You shall not bob us out of our melody. If you do, our melancholy upon your head.
PANDARUS Sweet Queen, sweet Queen, that’s a sweet
Queen. Ay, faith—
HELEN And to make a sweet lady sad is a sour offence.
PANDARUS Nay, that shall not serve your turn; that shall it not, in truth, la. Nay, I care not for such words. No, no.—And, my lord, he desires you that, if the King call for him at supper, you will make his excuse.
HELEN My lord Pandarus.
PANDARUS What says my sweet Queen, my very very sweet Queen?
PARIS What exploit’s in hand? Where sups he tonight?
HELEN Nay, but my lord—
PANDARUS What says my sweet Queen? My cousin will fall out with you.
HELEN (to Paris) You must not know where he sups.
PARIS I’ll lay my life, with my dispenser Cressida.
PANDARUS No, no! No such matter. You are wide. Come, your dispenser is sick.
PARIS Well, I’ll make’s excuse.
PANDARUS Ay, good my lord. Why should you say
Cressida? No, your poor dispenser’s sick.
PARIS ‘I spy.’
PANDARUS You spy? What do you spy?—⌈To a musician⌉
Come, give me an instrument.—Now, sweet Queen.
HELEN Why, this is kindly done!
PANDARUS My niece is horrible in love with a thing you have, sweet Queen.
HELEN She shall have it, my lord—if it be not my lord Paris.
PANDARUS He? No, she’ll none of him. They two are twain.
HELEN Falling in, after falling out, may make them three.
PANDARUS Come, come, I’ll hear no more of this. I’ll sing you a song now.
HELEN Ay, ay, prithee. Now by my troth, sweet lord, thou hast a fine forehead.
⌈She strokes his forehead⌉
PANDARUS Ay, you may, you may.
HELEN Let thy song be love. ‘This love will undo us all.’
O Cupid, Cupid, Cupid!
PANDARUS Love? Ay, that it shall, i’faith.
PARIS Ay, good now, ‘Love, love, nothing but love’.
PANDARUS In good truth, it begins so.
(Sings)
Love, love, nothing but love, still love, still more!
For O love’s bow
Shoots buck and doe.
The shaft confounds
Not that it wounds,
But tickles still the sore.
These lovers cry ‘O! O!’, they die.
Yet that which seems the wound to kill
Doth turn ‘O! O!’ to ‘ha ha he!’
So dying love lives still.
‘O! O!’ a while, but ‘ha ha ha!’
‘O! O!’ groans out for ‘ha ha ha!’—
Heigh-ho.
HELEN In love—ay, faith, to the very tip of the nose.
PARIS He eats nothing but doves, love, and that breeds hot blood, and hot blood begets hot thoughts, and hot thoughts beget hot deeds, and hot deeds is love.
PANDARUS Is this the generation of love: hot blood, hot thoughts, and hot deeds? Why, they are vipers. Is love a generation of vipers?
⌈Alarum⌉
Sweet lord, who’s afield today?
PARIS Hector, Deiphobus, Helenus, Antenor, and all the gallantry of Troy. I would fain have armed today, but my Nell would not have it so. How chance my brother Troilus went not?
HELEN He hangs the lip at something. You know all, Lord
Pandarus.
PANDARUS Not I, honey-sweet Queen. I long to hear how they sped today.—You’ll remember your brother’s excuse?
PARIS To a hair.
PANDARUS Farewell, sweet Queen.
HELEN Commend me to your niece.
PANDARUS I will, sweet Queen. Exit
Sound a retreat
PARIS
They’re come from field. Let us to Priam’s hall
To greet the warriors. Sweet Helen, I must woo you
To help unarm our Hector. His stubborn buckles,
With these your white enchanting fingers touched,
Shall more obey than to the edge of steel
Or force of Greekish sinews. You shall do more
Than all the island kings: disarm great Hector.
HELEN
’Twill make us proud to be his servant, Paris;
Yea, what he shall receive of us in duty
Gives us more palm in beauty than we have—
Yea, overshines ourself.
PARIS Sweet above thought, I love thee!
Exeunt
3.2 Enter Pandarus ⌈at one door⌉ and Troilus’ man ⌈at another door⌉
PANDARUS How now, where’s thy master? At my cousin Cressida’s?
MAN No, sir, he stays for you to conduct him thither.
Enter Troilus
PANDARUS O here he comes.—How now, how now?
TROILUS Sirrah, walk off. Exit Man
PANDARUS Have you seen my cousin?
TROILUS
No, Pandarus, I stalk about her door
Like a strange soul upon the Stygian banks
Staying for waftage. O be thou my Charon,
And give me swift transportance to those fields
Where I may wallow in the lily beds
Proposed for the deserver. O gentle Pandar,
From Cupid’s shoulder pluck his painted wings
And fly with me to Cressid.
PANDARUS Walk here i’th’ orchard. I’ll bring her straight.
Exit
TROILUS
I am giddy. Expectation whirls me round.
Th‘imaginary relish is so sweet
That it enchants my sense. What will it be
When that the wat’ry palates taste indeed
Love’s thrice-repurèd nectar? Death, I fear me,
Swooning destruction, or some joy too fine,
Too subtle-potent, tuned too sharp in sweetness