policy. That’s also for people like us. So you don’t have to pay attention to your words all of the time.

I’m holding your hand, right? Don’t see Kirkby doing that and he visits you twice on most weeks.”

“I guessed as much. Still, old habits and all.” Steve once again feels the pavement under his

feet and the wind in his face. “I was having a bit of a daydream about how we could be together and

still be playing for the club. Perhaps stay in the same region when they couldn’t use me any more in a

year or so, with me being past thirty and with the influx of young talent at defence.”

Don’t the police officers hear that strange whistling sound when he talks? Or are they too

polite to tell him he’s almost unintelligible? Daniël understands him … but Daniël is Daniël. Should

he ask for a drink of water?

“If Daniël had wanted that, me staying in Kinbridge and finding a job, I would have done it. Or

gone with him to no matter where, if he changed clubs. I can imagine some really big clubs wanting

him in a few years. Making it look all unsuspicious. But I would have left him, if he thought the risk

would be too much for his career. Couldn’t ask him to give it all up for me. Not when he’s still that

young and has so much to give to the sport.”

Daniël makes a small noise, but doesn’t say a word.

Steve sips on a glass of water the female officer hands him. “I wasn’t paying attention to where

I was going. Just walking and thinking about Daniël. You already know, of course, he had his parents

over. They don’t know...didn’t know about us. I was thinking about that, too. I was thinking so much.

Not paying attention. Just walking and thinking about Daniël and me.”

He drinks more water, but it doesn’t really do much good. He hears himself babbling. He

knows he has to get into that park. The park has a name; he knows it since yesterday, because he had

asked Matthew about it. Queen Elizabeth Park. He must have heard about it during the five years he’s

been living in Kinbridge. Doesn’t ring a bell. He doesn’t want to set another foot there, even if it’s in

thought, in words. Let them figure out what happened. They’re the police, it’s their job. He’s probably

going to say the wrong things, anyway. Making them look in the wrong direction, perhaps even getting

perfectly innocent fans into trouble. They should be doing those DNA things you see in what’s that

series called? The doctor had told Danny about the swelling of his brain. Must be bad for

remembering things correctly.

His right hand in Daniël’s hands.

“I’m so very sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done it. But I just had to.” Shame and

embarrassment creeps up his face in a flaming heat. “I didn’t realise there would still be other people

there. Seeing what I did. Some fine example I’ve been setting.”

Then he sees the hurt look in his lover’s eyes. It’s gone almost as fast as it came, but he didn’t

miss it. “Stupid, isn’t it, me making such a fuss about having to pee and not being able to find a decent

place to do it. Like it’s the end of the world. Must be my nan’s influence to always be a gentleman.” It

still doesn’t make him feel any less embarrassed. “Of course I’ll pay the fine.”

He looks at the policewoman. She knows what he’s trying to do, but doesn’t fall for it. She’s so

patient. Why is she so patient? They both are, she and the younger man. As if they don’t even care

how much time he needs to tell his story.

“You’re still okay?” The male officer asks.

Steve nods. It doesn’t matter, does it? He sips water and continues to talk.

Why were they doing that? What kind of place had he landed in? What was that man thinking?

“There was this man, trying to touch me when I was done zipping up. He kept looking at me.

He even told me he was married, that he had a family. Said he understood me. I should have pushed

him away, tell him to get lost. Tell all of them to get lost. Tell all those men standing there and

watching. I heard them, breathing so heavily like they were...

“I should have told them to do that somewhere else. I wasn’t interested. Why would I do

something like that? What reason could I possibly have? Cheating on Daniël with a complete stranger

in a park? They didn’t know about him. No one did.

“Suddenly, they were all gone. All of them. That man too.

“No one warned me. Not one of them.”

Daniël’s hands warm and safe.

“There must have been half a dozen or so of them. Big blokes. Smelled of beer and chips. Their

boots made those scraping noises. They were KTFC fans, so they recognised me. I thought ...”

He’s silent for seconds, then what must be minutes, but neither Daniël nor the detectives say

anything to encourage him to speak of what happened.

Then he talks again. He says the words that speak of pushes and shoves, of trying to fight back

and trying to get away. Of being kicked until he’s no longer able to get up again. He hears himself tell

about the kicking and the speculations about who else might be a bloody poof too.

They say Daniël’s name. They say: “Daniël Borghart,” in his voice.

They break the bones of his legs. As calmly as the voice that tells about them breaking fibula

and tibia and anklebone and kneecap.

They talk and talk and kick their heavy nailed boots against skin and muscle. Against his soft

belly and muscled back. They say Daniël’s name, he says: “You can’t have him” and his mouth

bleeds, his skull cracks. They make jokes while his fingers break and his hands turn to pulp. He speaks

their obscenities while they try how much of his body they can hit at the same time.

He says: “You make him sick.”

They drag him some place else. No longer talking or joking while they kick until already

broken bones break again, already bleeding skin bleeds even more.

When he’s dying, they are no longer part of his thoughts.

“Daniël.”

The boy is ashen.

What else can he do than lift his arm and, gently, place his hand against his beloved’s cheek?

“How can human beings do this to another human being?” Daniël whispers. He closes his eyes,

his voice soft against Steve’s wrist. “I wasn’t there for you.”

“They weren’t with me during my last moments. You were, my sweet, beautiful boy.”

The recording device clicks off.

Chapter 11

He sleeps through most of the day following the visit of the police and giving his statement. He

knows that because after he wakes up, nurse smiles at him and makes a little joke about him sleeping

like a baby for more than twelve hours.

“Mr Dominguez and Mr Kirkby were here to visit you, but they didn’t want to wake you up.

Would you like a cup of tea? Perhaps you would like me to brush your teeth? A quick wash?” She’s

the chipper nurse who only seems to exists in chick flicks. Steve has seen her before. A good woman,

who combines efficient professionalism with a warm and outgoing personality.

“I appreciate that. Thank you.”

While brushing his teeth, another thing on his list he wants to learn to do for himself again,

like the grown up that he is, the nurse happily babbles on. “Mr Borghart’s gone for a walk. It’s lovely

outside. I hope it keeps that way; I have to do a bit of shopping tomorrow with my friends. I’ve been

invited to the wedding of a colleague, next month. Good excuse for a new dress, don’t you think? Oh,

but you could do with a shave I see. I was thinking about another hairdo. A bit more layered, makes it

looks fuller, my mum says. Here you are, wet cloth to freshen up your face a bit. Get a comb through

your hair so you look your best for your fella. You’re nice and clean now. With a bit of time, you’ll