“Thanks.”

“I love you,” he said and then he hung up.

After our conversation I felt drained. I missed David and I missed my family back home. I was even

contemplating to buy a plane ticket to fly back and see them when Remi was in front of my door.

“So what’s wrong?” he asked when we walked to the restaurant were we would have diner. “It’s your

birthday, you should be happy!”

“I am happy,” I said and forced a smile on my face.

“Are you sad because of the guy you can’t be with?” he asked.

“Yeah I am, but I’ll be alright,” I said. I really wanted to believe that was true.

The birthday dinner turned out to be great so the day wasn’t a total loss. Remi took me to a Lebanese

restaurant where we ate farrouj mehshi and felafel among other exotic things and drank wine with Remi’s

friends. His friends were all young and cute and from various ethnicities. One of them was Lebanese, his

uncle owned the restaurant, another was from Algiers, two were French and the fifth was a Czech. That

last one I liked the most; he was quiet with sad, serious eyes. But after a couple of drinks he turned out to

be really funny and he had the cutest accent in English. He sounded like a Russian in a bad movie and he

had an awful haircut too. Something about him reminded me of David somehow. The way he was shy in

the beginning of the evening and how his face lit up when he smiled. I really wanted to sleep with him but

I was afraid that Remi wouldn’t like it, although we were not officially dating.

When Remi and I both got up to go to the bathroom he threw me a wicked glance. “So you like Pavel?”

he said when we were alone together. “I saw you looking at him.”

“Do you mind?” I asked carefully. He laughed. “No of course not” He sat down on his knees in the

bathroom and started pulling my pants down.

“You can sleep with Pavel later if you want to, but first let me give you your birthday present.” Then he

started giving me a blow-job and I was torn between anxiety that someone might come in and pure lust.

Later that evening, I did go home with Pavel. He was a very inexperienced but sweet lover and I tried

to take things slow with him and show him a good time.

The week after my birthday I was busy at university so I didn’t see much of Remi. Remi never seemed

to study or work. He’d gotten a large inheritance a year ago and he was thinking about what to do with his

life. In some way I envied him, he was completely free to do what he wanted. There was no demanding

job at a law firm waiting for him. But I knew I would be bored to death within a week if I didn’t work or

study.

We saw each other again on Saturday. I was completely exhausted from studying long hours next to my

job. I really needed a break. Remi told me that he would take me out for coffee so that I could think about

something other than law for a change.

We met around noon for coffee and then had lunch. We sat outside on the terrace for the rest of the

afternoon, just watching people and talking. We had a couple of glasses of wine and decided to go out for

dinner in the evening. Remi knew an Italian restaurant near my place, which was cheap but good.

We went to this restaurant, had some risotto and more wine and both of us flirted with our waiter who

had smoldering black eyes.

It had been a week since Remi had given me that last blow-job and I’d slept with Pavel. I really needed

to get laid. “We can go back to my apartment,” I told Remi. He agreed.

I’ never taken Remi home with me before that time. We always met in the city or at Remi’s own place.

This time I was intoxicated and horny enough to take him with me back to my place.

We started kissing in the stairway to my apartment and just when we were ready for action I saw

David’s picture staring at me and I kind of had a break down in front of Remi. After that I told him

everything…

Luckily he wasn’t weirded out by my feelings for my stepbrother when I told him about David. If

anything, Remi felt sorry for me. I could tell by the look in his eyes.

“It’s clear you love him very much,” Remi said. “I just don’t see why it’s so impossible for you to be

with him. He’s not your sibling by blood, just your stepbrother.”

“You don’t?” I said. “Let’s sum things up shall we… He isn’t just my stepbrother, we grew up together

and share our last name; our little brothers share our blood. My dad would totally freak out if he heard.

He would never speak to me again. Nobody at work would take me serious anymore. I can name another

couple of problems if you want too.”

“It’s definitely complicated,” Remi said. “But if you had to choose between David and you dad, who

would you choose?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I was sure that my entire family would spit me out if I started sleeping

with David. I couldn’t imagine us sitting around the dinner table if David and I were lovers. I wanted

David so badly, but the thought of losing my family terrified me.

“Have you talked to your brother at all while you were here?”

“I called him on my birthday,” I said. “But I haven’t spoken to him after that. It just freaks me out too

much to hear his voice.”

“Why don’t you ask him to visit you in Paris?”

“No, I really don’t want to do that,” I said. I knew what would happen if I invited David to stay with

me. I’d gone to Paris in the first place to keep my distance from him.

“I wish there was just some switch that I could use to turn my feelings for him off,” I said.

“That’s not going to happen I think,” Remi said, “I would like to meet him, this David. I’d like to see

what kind of guy it would take to get you to feel this way.”

Now that my big secret was out to Remi, I talked about David all the time. I hoped I wasn’t annoying

Remi, but it was great to finally share my feelings with someone.

“You should call him,” Remi said. “He’s probably waiting by the phone for you to call.”

On the next Saturday morning I finally picked up the phone and called my brother. Again, I felt the same

anxiety when I was waiting for him to pick up the phone.

“David Adams,” he finally said when he picked up. My heart surged again.

“It’s me,” I said. “I promised you I’d call so here I am.”

“I’m glad you did, sorry I didn’t recognize your phone number when I picked up, it’s still the middle of

the night here.”

“Did I wake you?”

“No I couldn’t sleep so I was watching Farscape, let me just put down the volume.”

“You’re such a nerd,” I said. “How many of these science fiction things do you watch?” He laughed.

“Don’t pretend you don’t love them too. I know you like hot guys in space-suits just as well.”

“So what else are you doing except for watching hot guys and aliens?”

“I’m just working for dad…Actually, I’m working for dad a lot. He keeps me at the firm until midnight

if he thinks he has to.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said.

“He misses you a lot,” David said.

“I miss him too,” I replied. “I miss all of you back home.” For a moment I wondered if should speak out

loud the next sentence that came into my head, but then I did. “I miss you the most actually.”

“You do?” he asked and sounded genuinely surprised. “Yeah I do. I mean, I’m not here alone pining

away. I’ve made some friends. One of them, Remi, is actually pretty cool. We hang out a lot. I stay over at

his place sometimes too…but he just isn’t you.” My voice was hoarse all of a sudden again. “How about

you?” I tried to say it casually.

“I broke up with Mark a while ago,” he answered. “He was really a control freak, it started to annoy