nothing to deserve my rants, but I couldn’t control myself.

“He sure looks a lot like your first boyfriend,” I told him slyly over dinner. David shot a furious look

at me.

“He does not,” Christine said to calm him down. “He’s way more handsome.”

“You never saw the other one,” I said to her with a poisonous smile.

“That was more than two years ago Michael, who cares? I’ve had a lot of other dates after Jack and

now I really like Chris,” David said and looked me straight in the eye.

“I didn’t know you had so many other dates,” I said casually.

“If you’d bothered to call me once in a while, you would have known.”

“And now you’re in love, that’s so sweet,” I said in a sarcastic voice.

“I guess actually liking someone besides yourself feels weird to you,” he told me. I knew he regretted

saying that as soon as the words came out of him mouth, but he couldn’t take them back now.

“I like a lot more people than you know,” I told him.

“You mean you screw a lot more people than I know, but that’s not what I meant,” David shot back.

“Not everybody is like you David. Not everybody settles for the next best thing,” I told him. Christine

looked puzzled but David looked more than furious but still he didn’t say anything and stared just at his

plate, trying to keep his anger under control.

Later Christine and I were bickering again about how I treated David.

“Can’t you be happy for him?”

“I’m trying,” I lied.

I couldn’t think rational, even if I wanted to. I couldn’t take it that he’d found someone else and was

happy, while I still wanted only him. Being away for two years hadn’t changed anything. All my feelings

were still there, raw like an open wound.

14. Payback time

By the end of the summer things got even worse when Chris, the new guy, joined us for the last weekend

at home. I wished I’d taken an earlier flight back to the East coast.

When Chris arrived, David was so excited to see him that he ran up to the front of the porch. When

Chris came in to introduce himself to Juliette and Christine he swept them away with his charm and looks.

He was really tall, taller even than my dad and me and his hair was white-blonde. He had a broad welldefined

jaw and greenish-blue eyes. He looked like his mother had fucked a Viking. His shoulders filled

out his polo shirt nicely and he had a muscular butt in his plain blue jeans. David isn’t small, but he was a

lot shorter than Chris and Chris’s big arms enveloped him when they hugged. In a flash I could imagine

Chris fucking him, covering him entirely with that big body. The thought made my shiver for a moment.

We had dinner in the yard and ate something fancy Juliette had made. Christine was asking Chris and

David how they’d met.

“We live in the same dorm,” Chris said. “David’s a friend of one of my buddies. He helped me fix my

computer when it was broken.” I snickered.

“So that’s your way of picking up guys David, fixing computers? You’re such a nerd.” Chris laughed.

“We’ll he’s a bit nerdy sometimes…” And then he turned around to kiss David, “But that makes him so

cute.”

David gleamed with joy. I could see him eyes were telling me to ‘go fuck myself’.

After dinner David helped to clear the table and I was stuck with Chris and my dad who were talking

about Chris’ studying for a Master in business at Columbia. My dad actually seemed to like talking to him.

He seemed more engaged in the conversation then he ever was when talking to David. When Christine,

Juliette and David joined us again we emptied another bottle of wine and then I rushed away from the

table to my room.

I just laid there in the dark for a while thinking about David and everything that could have been if we

hadn’t been brothers. Probably, if our parents hadn’t married we would never have met. We wouldn’t

have gone to the same high school. I wouldn’t even have looked at him at university. I would never have

known how great he smelled or that his voice was slightly husky in the morning or the little moaning

sounds he made in bed when I had my hands on his dick. I wouldn’t feel this bad if we hadn’t know each

other.

It was already late but I was unable to sleep and got up out of bed to get some fresh air outside. I was

such an idiot doing that, because I might have known David and Chris would still be outside too. It was

really not my intention to walk in on them making out, but that’s what happened.

They were sitting by the poolside, the lights around the pool casting weird shadows over them. Chris

was kissing David intensely. He had one arm around David’s back and was holding his head with the

other. David’s eyes were closed and his hands were on Chris’s back too, nails dug into his shirt. I heard

he was making his little moaning sounds. I was so jealous I could explode. “He should only be making

that sound for you,” a little voice in my head said. I had to run inside before I got the chance to rip Chris

away from him and punch him in the face.

The next morning it was hard to face them during breakfast. This time I was the one staring at my plate

and not saying anything.

15. Back in New York, back to old habits

I was relieved when the new university year started and David left. I went back to New York too for a

couple of more months. Even though I’d passed the bar exam there were still a couple of courses I wanted

to take.

The first weekend back in New York I saw Glenn. I had actually missed him a lot when I was in

France. I’d missed his nonchalance and his cruel but funny jokes and all the other little familiarities you

have with a good friend. He had a new haircut and had been working out, which made him even more

handsome. Glenn was happy to see me too and even gave me a ‘welcome back blow-job’ when we were

both drunk late at night. Sex was really no big deal for Glenn. It was a basic need like eating or sleeping

and when he was really horny he didn’t really care whom he did it with. I wished I could be more like

him and enjoy myself more. But I was constantly thinking too much when I met someone, being annoyed

easily or comparing a guy to David immediately.

I had been thinking a lot about working for my dad too over the last couple of months. I’d really missed

my family when I was in France, a lot more than they knew, and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be nearer

to them. I barely knew the twins by now and I never talked to Christine anymore. I decided that I would

leave NY before the next summer and try working for my dad. If I liked it I would stay, if not I would

leave and maybe even go back to France.

I told my dad about my thoughts honestly and he was actually excited because he believed that I would

love working with him. Sure he knew my reservations by now but he thought it had to do with me being

young and stubborn. He was certain we’d make a great team. Well, in the end he was actually right about

that.

A couple of months later Glenn’s birthday came up and we decided to go out together. This time we

went to a gay club, something that we rarely did when we went out because a couple of our best friends

were straight and liked more mainstream clubs. For his birthday Glenn had picked out some obscure club

in Chelsea that look pretty seedy when we got there.

Glenn looked especially hot that evening, wearing a black shirt that fitted him like a glove and tight

jeans. Although there was a line in front of the door we got in easily. Glenn made quite an impression on

the guy by the door, who was bulky and in his late thirties.