Standing beside Monkey she asked, “Where are you gentlemen from? What fine goods do you have?”

“We're from the North,” Monkey replied, “and we've got a few poor horses to sell.”

“You're very young to be a horse dealer,” the woman said.

“This gentleman is Tang the Eldest,” Monkey explained, “this is Hogg the Third, and this is Sand the fourth. I'm Sun the Second, an apprentice.”

“But your surnames are all different,” said the woman with a smile. “Yes,” Monkey replied, “our surnames are different but we all live together. There are ten of us brothers altogether, and we four have come ahead to fix our board and lodging. The other six have found a place outside the city to stay tonight. It would have been awkward for them to come into the city as they've got a herd of horses. They'll come in tomorrow morning when we've fixed some accommodation. We won't go home till we've sold the horses.”

“How many horses are there in your herd?” the woman asked.

“Over a hundred of all ages,” Monkey replied. “They're all like that one of ours, except that they come in different colours.”

“Mr. Sun,” the woman said with a laugh, “you really know how to travel. You should have come straight here: no other inn would be able to put you up. We have a big courtyard well supplied with troughs and tethering posts and plenty of fodder too. We could feed several hundred horses here. There's just one thing I should mention. I've been keeping this inn for many years and it's quite well known. My late husband was called Zhao, but I'm afraid he died long ago, so this is now called Widow Zhao's Inn. We have three classes of entertainment for our guests. Let's get sordid money matters out of the way, then we can be more civilized later. The first thing is to discuss the tariffs and agree on one so that we know where we stand when it's time to settle the accounts.”

“Quite right,” Monkey replied. “What are your three classes of entertainment? As the saying goes,

Your tariffs may be low, your tariffs may be dear,

But treat us all the same, who come from far or near.

What do your tariffs involve? Could you explain them to me?”

“We have first, second and third-class tariffs,” the old woman replied. “The first class is a banquet with five kinds of fruit and five different dishes. The tables are set with confectionery lions and immortals fighting. Two gentlemen share a table, and there are young ladies to sing to them and sleep with them. It costs half an ounce of silver per head, the price of the room included.”

“I'd agree to that,” Monkey replied. “Where we come from half an ounce wouldn't even pay for a girl.”

“For the second-class tariff,” the woman continued, “you all eat from the same dishes of food and we provide fruit and warm wine that you help yourselves to in your drinking games. No young ladies are provided and it costs one fifth of an ounce of silver each.”

“I'd agree to that too,” Monkey replied. “What about the third class?”

“I wouldn't like to discuss it with such distinguished gentlemen as yourselves,” she replied.

“No harm in telling us about it,” Monkey replied, “so that we can choose what suits us best.”

“Nobody waits on you in the third class,” she said, “and we provide a big pot of rice for you to eat from as you will. When you're full there's straw for you to spread out on the ground and sleep on where it suits you. At dawn you give us a few coppers for the rice and I can assure you we won't argue about how much.”

“We're in luck,” said Pig, “we're in luck. That's the sort of deal I like. I'll eat my fill from the cauldron then have a bloody good sleep in front of the stove.”

“What nonsense, brother,” said Monkey. “We've earned an ounce or two of silver on our travels. Give us the first-class treatment.”

“Make some good tea,” the woman said with great delight, “and tell the kitchen to get the food ready quickly.” She then went downstairs calling out, “Kill chickens and geese and boil up some pickled meat for them to have with their rice.”

Then she shouted, “Kill a pig and a sheep. What can't be eaten today can be served tomorrow. Get some good wine. Use the best white rice, and make some pancakes with white flour.”

When Sanzang heard all this from upstairs he said, “Whatever shall we do, Sun the Second? They're going to slaughter chickens, geese, a pig and a sheep. If they bring us all these we won't be able to eat them as we're all vegetarians.”

“I've got an idea,” said Monkey, and he stamped in the doorway and called out, “Mrs. Zhao, come up here.”

“What instructions do you have for me, sir,” she asked.

“Don't kill any living creatures today. We're eating vegetarian food today,” Monkey replied.

“Are you gentlemen permanent vegetarians, or just vegetarians for this month?” asked the woman in surprise.

“Neither,” replied Monkey. “We're vegetarians on gengshen days. Today's one, so we have to eat meatless food. But after the third watch tonight it'll be a xinyou day and the restrictions won't apply. Kill them tomorrow. Lay on some vegetarian food today, and make it first-class.”

This made the woman happier than ever. “Don't slaughter anything,” she said, hurrying downstairs, “don't slaughter anything. Fetch some tree-ear fungus, Fujian bamboo shoots, beancurd and wheat gluten. Pick some green vegetables in the garden, make vermicelli soup, steam some brad rolls, boil more white rice and make some scented tea.”

Now the cooks were experts because they cooked every day, so that everything was ready in an instant to be set out upstairs. They also had some confectioneries of lions and immortals that were already made for the four travelers to eat their fill of.

When the question was asked, “Would you like some mild wine?” Brother Monkey replied, “Eldest Brother Tang won't have any, but the rest of us will have a few cups.” The widow then fetched a jug of warm wine.

When drinks had been poured out for the three of them they heard the sound of banging against wooden boards. “Has some furniture fallen over downstairs, missus?” Monkey asked.

“No,” the woman replied, “It's some retainers from my farm who arrived late this evening with rent rice. We let them sleep downstairs. As we were short-staffed when you gentlemen arrived I told them to take the sedan-chairs to the brothel to fetch some young ladies to keep you company. They must have hit the underneath of the floorboards with the chair-poles.”

“You mentioned that before,” Monkey said. “But don't send for them now. Today's a fast day, and besides, our brothers aren't here yet. They'll be here tomorrow for sure. Then we can all send for some call-girls and have a good time in your excellent establishment before we sell our horses and go.”

“What good men,” the woman said, “what good men. That way you'll all stay friends and you won't waste your energy.” Then she ordered that the sedan-chairs be brought back in as the whores were not to be fetched. The four of them finished their wine and food, the utensils were cleared away, and the meal was over.

“Where are we going to sleep?” Sanzang whispered in Monkey's ear.

“Upstairs,” Monkey replied.

“Too dangerous,” Sanzang replied. “We have all had so hard a journey that we may well fall fast asleep. If any of the inn people come in to tidy up and our hats have rolled off they will see our bald heads, realize that we are monks, and raise a hue and cry. That would be a disaster.”

“You're right,” said Monkey, going out to stamp his foot again.

“What instructions do you have this time, Mr. Sun?” the woman asked, coming upstairs once more.

“Where are we to sleep?” Monkey asked.

“Upstairs is best,” she replied. “There are no mosquitoes and there's a South wind. Open the windows wide and you'll sleep beautifully.”