— “You will be better when you let some one use this with you.” — She turned away. I don't think she quite heard what I said.
The same things took place between us next time. I asked about the action of the medicine, and familiarised her with talking to me about all the little secrets of her sex. That freedom on subjects usually hidden from each other, paves the way for fucking. Again I saw her little form, from her nascent bubbies to her arse-hole— I now put my middle finger thro the hymen and up her cunt — I had cut my nail to prevent my hurting her — but she declared it did hurt badly — I played with the few short hairs which were shewing on her mons, praised her legs, feet, neat boots and stockings — asked if she liked them, and was overwhelmed with grateful replies. — Then I hinted again at giving her a dress, told her she had better not mention about having had a doctor to anyone, and stifling my wants I went into the other room to Sarah.
Sarah said, “Try as soon as you can, for with such a young one now, you never know what will take place. She may be fool enough to tell some one, but she won't if she once gets it done to her — I will then tell her that she will be ruined for life if she mentions it.”
Next night Sarah met me out. — Said she, “I will stop out till twelve, make her lushy with shrub if she won't do it without, and then fuck her, but she'll let you. — She is in love with you.” — “Didn't the doctor say he would perhaps give me a new frock?” said she to Sarah. — “How could he know I had tried to put my finger up?” — Sarah told her that doctors knew everything about women. — Then I asked her if she had ever seen a man's cock. — Yes her brother's, who showed it her once. He was about fourteen years old, and she used to sleep in the same room with him, and “she had seen it stiff.”
“You'll have her — she has had such a talking to. If she hollows, push a pillow over her face and they won't hear underneath — but the lodger overhead might be coming up stairs, tho he scarcely ever comes in till twelve o'clock. — I'll be in the street for him, and come in when he does, we'll come up the stairs together. — If I hear anything I'll make a noise and knock at the door, so don't be frightened — only you'll have had her before then. —Don't be nervous or you won't get a stiff one.” — Sarah had heard from me that once or twice when over excited, my prick had refused to do its duty.
“I have nailed a rug over the door inside and put the chest of drawers against it. — We do that generally in winter to keep out the cold, and go thro the little passage, between the bed and sitting room” — which was partly true only. There had been a curtain.
“I told her also you only had an old housekeeper, and were inclined to take her to help. — The girl was delighted.” Sarah had given her a pill (I had taken her a box of common aperients). “She thinks you will soon bring on her poorliness, and that she will be quite a woman then.” — I sometimes wonder if all this preliminary was needful, and if the girl did not know pretty well what she was about, but this is a narrative of facts, and not of opinions.
Altho the maiden had not been a fortnight in the house, she had been as far debauched in mind as she well could be. — To have been told all about fucking, and by a grown woman, to have confessed to that woman, and to a doctor, all she had done with her cunt, to have got money, new boots and stockings and some other things, see the chance of having a place in the house of a doctor, who twice had looked at and felt her cunt, was certainly enough to upset any girl. — It was a fine preparation.
That night she let me in, said her mistress was out and had left no message. “Never mind I will wait.” — I sent out for shrub, and prepared to try my luck, but felt as nervous as if I were going before a judge for murder — I can't understand myself being like this, for it is only at times that I am so.
She had a little shrub. — “Come here dear and tell me about yourself.” — I praised her hair and eyes, which were very good. Taking her between my legs I began feeling her breasts and belly, asking her medical questions all the time, then I lifted her clothes and afterwards said, “Let me see your stockings.” For an instant only she resisted as a girl might.
“Why? I gave them you — I have seen your little cunt and your little bum, have I not, and must look at them now.” — Then I again lifted her clothes, put my hand up, and a finger on her clitoris, and talking all the while, began rubbing it. “Oh Doctor, don't,” said she wriggling her little cunt away from me. “Ah, it's pleasure, but nothing like the pleasure you'll have when a man puts his cock up you,” said I, feeling that the ice must be broken. My prick was getting so rampageous, that I felt inclined to carry her to the bed, and ravish her, but I went on talking.
In a few minutes more “I must look at you.” Into the bedroom we went, she took off her clothes, and again I saw her little virgin cunt at the bedside.
However much I may plan an attack on a woman, — there always comes a time when I follow my instincts and not my plan. — When my prick almost feels bursting, and I am overpowered by voluptuousness, I scarcely know what I do, or what course I take. — Then if the woman is not quite ready in her lewedness, and I make a false move, and startle, frighten, or de-lay, my chance is gone. But if she be lewed, sayings and doings dictated by nature, infallibly win her. There is a strength of will, and a moral force that a man has when he is furious with sexual want, over any woman whose body is tingling with desire for a male, which make him sure of having her.
Up to this time I know all I did, what followed my excited state only leaves the broad incidents clear — I fell kissing her cunt when looking at her, and sitting at the side of the bed. Then I cuddled her, and told all about fucking. — Then on pretext of looking at her once more, got her on to the bed, and placed a pillow so that her bum was on it, experience had taught me that in case of resistance, my prick would have a bet-ter chance of entering if her bum was well up. — I got on the bed, pulled out my prick, and said kissing her, “Let me fuck you love, your poorliness will come on then — you'll want no more medicine, and have such pleasure.” — “No-hoh, no, sir — I mustn't til I am married —you'll hurt me. — I mustn't, Doctor!”
I cuddled her as she attempted to get up, promising money and a silk dress, that I wouldn't hurt, and that whoever told her it hurt told nonsense. — “No-oh-no,” — but she was nestling in my bosom, and my finger was on the little clitoris. — Suddenly she said, “Will you take me to help as a servant?” — I promised. — In another minute she was on her back. I wetted her cunt with spittle, my prick lay against it, and I feared I should spend before I got it up her. I grasped her bum, pressed her, and drove my prick with all my might. — “Oha -oh-oh,” she cried, each cry louder than the other as my prick battered her virginity. — Another cry, another shove, and I was spending up her. Soon, on putting my hand down, I found that not above an inch and a half of my prick was in her cunt, and my desire was to keep it there. She begged me to get off, but I lay soothing her. My prick kept stiff. The idea that my spunk was in her, the delight at feeling the little hairless cunt lips enclosing my swollen gristle, nerved it again. I gave the gentlest push, then harder, and it glided up until I felt it could go no further.
What a delicious, slow, prolonged fuck. The little cunt smooth with sperm, but so deliciously tight and compressive, and I had first moistened that little interior, broken that virgin barrier, thoughts which in-creased inexpressibly my voluptuousness. I recollect all I did, and what passed through my brain during the second operation. There was only one alloy to this pleasure. Without making a noise, she kept crying, and I spent kissing her, her tears running down her face. But I am not sure that these evidences of pain and nervous shock did not add to my enjoyment.