Dinner over, we sat on the sofa and I began kissing her. — She was so far complaisant. Talking about Richard, she had heard he was now, “Sweet upon an-other young woman, and, altho she then whimpered, said she didn't care much. I found that it was the loss of a husband, and one who was so respectable, that she fretted about, more than the individual. I began to doubt then if she'd had Richard up her, and joked her about her not getting a bedfellow so soon as she'd expected, offered myself instead, talked about matrimony, on the absurdity of a man and woman who liked each other not doing before marriage all that nature prompted them to do, and how they lost pleasure, which they couldn't take too young. She sipped wine and got amative in manner, I held her to me, and our kisses were many. — “That's enough,” said she, as if it had just occurred to her that she was giving way too much.
My prick now got on the ramp, and I resolved either to get her or let her go. Tho I'd promised her never to refer to what had taken place at the previous dinner, I asked her if she'd washed her thigh since, and if she looked at her chemise after it. — She coloured up and rose to go, I pulled her down, said I'd forgotten my promise and couldn't help it. — I'd like to do it again to her, or if she'd let me, do something better. — Women are so cunning, you never can make them, until they have long had a man, confess their lust; but I've no doubt that, with this talk, Madeline's cunt was beginning to sweat inside. The half bashful way she looked at me, and the ridiculous resistance to my kissing which she now offered for a second or two, made me feel sure that she wanted fucking at that minute, and was struggling against it. — Women can control their passions to a certain point, and then they droop, and yield helplessly all at once, I have found.
She really was angry once, yet returned each of my kisses. “Have you the garters on?” — “Yes.” — “Let me see them” — and I made the attempt. — “No, no, you shan't,” and she struggled, but I got my hand on her thigh.
She got it away, but in another minute her head was over my shoulder, I was kissing now her ear, now her cheek, and whispering baudiness. — I had reduced her to silence, whilst speaking of my sperm on her thigh when it ought to have been in her cunt, and she have had pleasure as well as me, whilst my prick discharged it. — “Let me feel your thighs. — Do — if you don't I'll do that again.” — “Oh don't,” said she in a half whisper. — “Well, let me see your garters, I will,” and, letting go her waist, I pulled up her clothes, saw garters and thigh, and, stooping, kissed the flesh before she could prevent me. She gave a slight cry, but next moment I was clasping her round her waist, again her head was on my shoulder, my fingers on her cunt, and I was whispering about carnal love into her ear, and titillating her clitoris.
[How commonplace it all seems as I write this afresh now. — To how many women have I done as nearly as possible the same, and how many under similar circumstances have behaved like Madeline? It can't be varied. — A woman's a woman, a cunt's a cunt, every-where. Voluptuous sensations are common to all, lewedness makes the man attack, and the woman yield. All the world over it's the same, and ever will be. — Yet each woman who is fresh to me in copulating preliminaries gives as much pleasure to me as if she was the first I had. I feel as if I never had such sensual felicity before as at that moment, and was still to have with her.
Does the woman mean to let the man have her when she meets him, or from the moment he touches her cunt, or when, or at all, or does she unconsciously acquiesce, and gradually yield, as sensations overcome all sense but that of carnal voluptuousness? — Do visions of his prick entering the hitherto sacred precincts of her cunt pass through her brain as he gently masturbates her? Few women can answer this them-selves, I find.]
Absorbed in feeling her cunt, and the delight of giving the sweet creature pleasure, wondering if I dare put my finger lower down and try the passage, I titillated her in silence. All was silent now, excepting the gentle smacking of my kisses on her upturned cheek and lips. — I frigged gently between tightly closed thighs, till in that charming way a woman has, when she feels the premonitory thrills of the coming spend, and doesn't like to show her pleasure; she moved her face up from my shoulder with a start. — “Oho! aha! leave off now. — You shan't;” and, with a jut back of her haunches, she removed my finger for a second. I instantly re-commenced, frigged quicker, still quicker, harder. Now I ceased kissing her. “Spend darling, spend, love,” I said, looking into her face, which was again on my shoulder. — Her eyes were closed, her mouth slightly open, rapid breathing and quick sighs of pleasure came from her. — Ah, that quiver of the thighs and belly, that tremulous shiver in her bosom, I knew it well, and the squeeze of the thighs on my hand, — tight for a second — then the convulsive opening of them, again the tight closing, and then the languid opening of the fleshy columns. — I knew it well, for I have frigged scores of the angels, and knew that Madeline had spent.
Whilst her thighs in voluptuous langour lay loosely, I slipped my hand between them and grasped her whole cunt, and my fingers lay between the lips. She started up and pushed my hand away. On it as I withdrew it, were the copious evidences of her pleasure. — “You've spent, love. — I've frigged you. — Ah! if my prick had been in you, how much more pleasure you'd have had. Come to the other room, let us — come.” She sat looking at me full. What was she thinking of? Again I cuddled, kissed and fondled her, again my hand touched her clitoris. She was passive, my fingers moved over all the moistened surface, and then her thighs closed again. — “Come with me, come.” — Gently and uninterrupedly I frigged on, murmuring “Come, love,” till with a sudden rousing, she pushed away my hand, gasping out slowly and hesitatingly, “No — I can't.”
“Feel my prick then,” and I put her hand round it. She was now sighing, her head again fell on my shoulder with eyes closed, my prick in her hand, when I re-commenced frigging. — “Oh leave off. I can't.” — “Come to the bed, or my spunk will go all over you again. — Oh, how wet your cunt is. — My love, let's go, or I shall spend.” — She was almost insensible to every thing but lust and didn't reply. I rose, seized her hands, and gently pulled her up. — “Come.” “No.” — But gradually and easily I led her into the bed chamber — She wouldn't get on the bed. — “I won't let you now.” — “What nonsense, then I'll leave you — get on love, and I'll only frig you.” — On she got.
I got on the bed unbuttoning as I did so. There was no light excepting what came through the sitting room door. For a moment I frigged her, gradually pressing her on to her back, then slowly mounted her. — “I'll do it so. — I'll spend over your thigh so, and frig you after, be quiet dear.” — She knew what I was going to do, tho she feared it. — My legs pressed her thighs apart, I lodged my prick and gave a gentle push, to my astonishment, it did not enter. With a little wriggle she murmured “Oh, don't!” — Then she is virgin! — Oh, the delight as I grasped her buttocks for a forcible thrust, had her firmly in hand, guided my prick low down (I know the point of entry well and lunged, — “Oho — oha” — lunge — “oho” — lunge. “Oh, don't” — I felt that never-to-be-forgotten sensation which a hymen when splitting up gives a prick, the tightening round it, then the loosening, and the next instant the shaft was up to its roots in her cunt.
That was a short business, but not a quick fuck, for I had fucked the night before. — I enjoyed both the sensation and the idea of the virgin cunt which I had nip- tured, but fucked slowly till nature urged me on faster, and spent as her cunt tightened and her murmurs of pleasure reached my ear, as I lay with my head over her shoulder. Coming to myself I felt the stem of my prick yet up her, and sanguinary proof I found. “You have never been fucked before,” said I. — “What?” — said she astonished.