It was Chacko who christened the factory Paradise Pickles & Preserves and had labels designed and printed at Comrade K. N. M. Pillai’s press. At first he had wanted to call it Zeus Pickles & Preserves, but that idea was vetoed because everybody said that Zeus was too obscure and had no local relevance, whereas Paradise did. (Comrade Pillai’s suggestion-Parashuram Pickles-was vetoed for the opposite reason: too much local relevance.)
It was Chacko’s idea to have a billboard painted and installed on the Plymouth’s roof rack.
Now, on the way to Cochin, it rattled and made fallingoff noises. Near Vaikom they had to stop and buy some rope to secure it more firmly. That delayed them by another twenty minutes. Rahel began to worry about being late for The Sound of Music.
Then, as they approached the outskirts of Cochin, the red and white arm of the railway level-crossing gate went down. Rahel knew that this had happened because she had been hoping that it wouldn’t.
She hadn’t learned to control her Hopes yet. Estha said that was a Bad Sign.
So now they were going to miss the beginning of the picture. When Julie Andrews starts off as a speck on the hill and gets bigger and bigger till she bursts onto the screen with her voice like cold water and her breath like peppermint.
The red sign on the red and white arm said STOP in white.
“POTS,” Rahel said.
A yellow hoarding said BE INDIAN, BUY INDIAN in red.
“NAIDNI YUB, NAIDNI EB,” Estha said.
The twins were precocious with their reading. They had raced through Old Dog Tom, Janet and John and their Ronald Ridout Workbooks. At night Ammu read to them from Kipling’s Jungle Book.
Now Chil the Kite brings home the night
That Mang the Bat sets free-
The down on their arms would stand on end, golden in the light of the bedside lamp. As she read, Ammu could make her voice gravelly, like Shere Khan’s. Or whining, like Tabaqui’s.
“‘Ye choose and ye do not choose.’ What talk is this of choosing? By the bull that I killed, am I to stand nosing into your dog’s den till my fair dues? It is I, Shere Khan, who speak! ”
“And it is I, Raksha, who answer! ” the twins would shout in high voices. Not together, but almost. “The man’s cub is mine, Lungri-mine to me! He shall not be killed. He shall live to run with the pack and to bunt with the pack; and in the end, look you, hunter of little naked cubs-frogeater-fish-killer-he shall bunt thee! ”
Baby Kochamma, who had been put in charge of their formal education, had read them an abridged version of The Tempest by Charles and Mary Lamb. “Where the bee sucks, there suck I,” Estha and Rahel would go about saying, “In a cowslip’s bell I lie.”
So when Baby Kochamma’s Australian missionary friend, Miss Mitten, gave Estha and Rahel a baby book-The Adventures of Susie Squirrel- as a present when she visited Ayemenem, they were deeply offended. First they read it forwards. Miss Mitten, who belonged to a sect of Born-Again Christians, said that she was a Little Disappointed in them when they read it aloud to her, backwards.
“ehT sertanrvdA fo eisuS lerriuqS.
enO gnirps gninrom eisuS lerriuqS ekow pu.”
They showed Miss Mitten how it was possible to read both Malayalam and Madam I’m Adam backwards as well as forwards. She wasn’t amused and it turned out that she didn’t even know what Malayalam was. They told her it was the language everyone spoke in Kerala. She said she had been under the impression that it was called Keralese. Estha, who had by then taken an active dislike to Miss Mitten, told her that as far as he was concerned it was a Highly Stupid Impression.
Miss Mitten complained to Baby Kochamma about Estha’s rudeness, and about their reading backwards. She told Baby Kochamma that she had seen Satan in their eyes. nataS ni rieht seye.
They were made to write “In future we will not read backwards. In future we will not read backwards”. A hundred times. Forwards.
A few months later Miss Mitten was killed by a milk van in Hobart, across the road from a cricket oval. To the twins there was hidden justice in the fact that the milk van had been reversing.
More buses and cars had stopped on either side of the level crossing. An ambulance that said SACRED HEART HOSPITAL was full of a party of people on their way to a wedding. The bride was staring out of the back window, her face partially obscured by the flaking paint of the huge red cross.
The buses all had girls’ names. Lucykutty, Mollykutty, Beena Mol. In Malayalam, Mol is Little Girl and Mon is Little Boy. Beena Mol was full of pilgrims who’d had their heads shaved at Tirupan. Rahel could see a row of bald heads at the bus window, above evenly spaced vomit streaks. She was more than a little curious about vomiting. She had never vomited. Not once. Estha had, and when he did, his skin grew hot and shiny, and his eyes helpless and beautiful, and Ammu loved him more than usual. Chacko said that Estha and Rahel were indecently healthy. And so was Sophie Mol. He said it was because they didn’t suffer from Inbreeding like most Syrian Christians. And Parsis.
Mammachi said that what her grandchildren suffered from was far worse than Inbreeding. She meant having parents who were divorced. As though these were the only choices available to people:
Inbreeding or Divorce.
Rahel wasn’t sure what she suffered from, but occasionally she practiced sad faces, and sighing in the mirror.
“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done, ” she would say to herself sadly. That was Rahel being Sydney Carton being Charles Darnay, as he stood on the steps, waiting to be guillotined, in the Classics Illustrated comic’s version of A Tale of Two Cities.
She wondered what had caused the bald pilgrims to vomit so uniformly, and whether they had vomited together in a single, well orchestrated heave (to music perhaps, to the rhythm of a bus bhajan), or separately, one at a time.
Initially, when the level crossing had just closed, the air was full of the impatient sound of idling engines. But when the man that manned the crossing came out of his booth, on his backwards-bending legs and signaled with his limp, flapping walk to the tea stall that they were in for a long wait, drivers switched off their engines and milled about, stretching their legs.
With a desultory nod of his bored and sleepy head, the Level Crossing Divinity conjured up beggars with bandages, men with trays selling pieces of fresh coconut, parippu vadas on banana leaves. And cold drinks. Coca-Cola, Fanta, Rosemilk.
A leper with soiled bandages begged at the car window.
“That looks like Mercurochrome to me,” Ammu said, of his inordinately bright blood.
“Congratulations,” Chacko said. “Spoken like a true bourgeoise.” Ammu smiled and they shook hands, as though she really was being awarded a Certificate of Merit for being an honest-to-goodness Genuine Bourgeoise. Moments like these the twins treasured, and threaded like precious beads, on a (somewhat scanty) necklace.
Rahel and Estha squashed their noses against the Plymouth’s quarter-windows. Yearning marshmallows with cloudy children behind them. Ammu said “No” firmly, and with conviction.
Chacko lit a Charminar. He inhaled deeply and then removed a little flake of tobacco that had stayed behind on his tongue.
Inside the Plymouth, it wasn’t easy for Rahel to see Estha, because Baby Kochamma rose between them like a hill. Ammu had insisted that they sit separately to prevent them from fighting. When they fought, Estha called Rahel a Refugee Stick Insect Rahel called him Elvis the Pelvis and did a twisty; funny kind of dance that infuriated Estha. When they had serious physical fights, they were so evenly matched that the fights went on forever, and things that came in their way-table lamps, ashtrays and water jugs-were smashed or irreparably damaged.