"What's wrong with a little harmless crime

once in a while?"

—M. BLAISE

"BUT I'm telling you, Boss, jailbreak is a bad rap. With

you operating at only half power in the magic depart-

ment, there's no tellin' what can go wrong, and

then...."

"Before we get all worked up about what can go

wrong, Guido," I said, trying to salvage something con-

structive out of the conversation, "could you give me a

little information on exactly how hard it is to break

someone out of jail? Or haven't you been involved in

any jailbreaks, either?"

"Of course I've been along on some jailbreaks," the

bodyguard declared, drawing himself up proudly. "I've

been an accomplice on three jailbreaks. What kind of

Mob member do you take me for, anyway?"

With a heroic effort I resisted the temptation to an-

swer that particular rhetorical question.

"Okay. So how about a few pointers? This is my first

jailbreak, and I want it to go right."

89

90 Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 91

I was all set to settle in for a fairly lengthy lecture, but

instead of launching into the subject, Guido looked a bit

uncomfortable.

"Umm... actually, Boss, I don't think you'd want

to use any of the plans I followed. You see, all three of

'em were busts. None of 'em worked, and in two of the

capers, the guy we were tryin' to save got killed. That's

how I know about what a bad rap a jailbreak is, know

what I mean?"

"Oh, swell! Just swell! Tell me. Mister bodyguard,

with your allergies and zero-for-three record at jail-

break, did you ever do anything for the Mob that

worked?"

A gentle hand fell on my shoulder from behind.

"Hey! Ease up a little. High Roller," Massha said

softly. "I know you're worried about your partner, but

don't take it out on Guido ... or me, either, for that

matter. We may not be much, but we're here and trying

to help as best we can when we'd both just as soon be

bac.k at the Bazaar. You're in a bad enough spot with-

out starting a two-front war by turning on your allies."

I started to snap at her, but caught myself in time.

Instead, I drew a long ragged breath and blew it out

slowly. She was right. My nerves were stretched to the

breaking point....hich served me right for not follow-

ing my own advice.

We were currently holed up at the Dispatcher's, the

only place I could think of for an in-town base of

operations, and as soon as we had arrived, I had insisted

that both Massha and Guido grab a bit of sleep. We had

been going nonstop ever since stepping through the door

into Limbo, and I figured that the troops would need all

the rest they could get before we tried to spring Aahz.

Of course, once I had convinced them of the necessity of

racking out, I promptly ignored my own wisdom and

stayed up thinking for the duration.

The rationalization I used for this insane action was

that I wanted some extra time uninterrupted to recharge

my internal batteries, so whatever minimal magic I had

at my disposal would be ready for our efforts. In ac-

tuality, what I did was worry. While I had indeed taken

part in several criminal activities since teaming up with

Aahz, they had all been planned by either Aahz or Tan-

anda. This was my first time to get involved in master-

minding a caper, and the stakes were high. Not only

Aahz's but Massha's and Guide's futures were riding on

my successful debut, and my confidence level was at an

all-time low. After much pondering, I had decided to

swallow my pride and lean heavily on Guide's expertise,

which was why it hit me so hard when I discovered that

he knew even less about successful jailbreaks than I.

"Sorry, Guido," I said, trying to restructure my

thinking. "I guess I'm more tired than I realized. Didn't

mean to snap at you."

"Don't worry. Boss," the bodyguard grinned. "I've

been expectin' it. All the big operators I've worked with

get a little crabby when the heat's on. If anything, your

temper gettin' short is the best thing I've seen since we

started this caper. That's why I've been so jumpy my-

self. I wasn't sure if you weren't taking the job seri-

ously, or if you were just too dumb to know the kind of

odds we were up against. Now that you're acting normal

for the situation, I feel a lot better about how it's goin'

to come out in the end."

Terrific! Now that I was at the end of my rope, our

eternal pessimist thought things were going great.

"Okay," I said, rubbing my forehead with one fin-

ger, "we haven't got much information to go on, and

what we do know is bad. According to Vilhelm, Aahz is

being held in the most escape-proof cell they have,

92 Robert Asprin

which is the top floor of the highest tower in town. If we

try to take him from the inside, we're going to have to

fool or fight every guard on the way up and down. To

me, that means our best bet is to spring him from the

outside."

My assistants nodded vigorously, their faces as en-

thusiastic as if I had just said something startlingly

original and clever.

"Now, with my powers at low ebb. I don't think I can

levitate that far and spring the cell. Massha, do you

have anything in your jewelry collection that would

work for rope and climbing hooks?''

"N—no," she said hesitantly, which surprised me.

She usually had a complete inventory of her nasty

pretties on the tip of her tongue.

"I saw a coil of rope hangin' just inside the door,"

Guido supplied.

"I noticed it, too," I acknowledged, "but it isn't

nearly long enough. We'll just have to use up my power

getting up to the cell and figure some other way of

opening the window."

"Ummm... you don't have to do that. High

Roller," Massha said with a sigh. "I've got something

we can use."

"What's that?"

"The belt I'm wearing with all my gear hung on it.

It's a levitation belt. The controls aren't horribly reli-

able, but it should do to get us to the top of the tower."

I cocked an eyebrow at my apprentice.

"Wait a minute, Massha. Why didn't you mention

this when I asked?"

She looked away quickly.

"You didn't ask about a belt. Only about rope and

climbing hooks."

MYTH-ING PERSONS 93

"Since when do I have to ask you specific questions

... or any questions, for that matter, to get your in-

put?"

"All right," she sighed. "If you really want to know,

I was hoping we could find a way to do this without

using the belt."

"Why?"

"It embarrasses me."

"It what?"

"It embarrasses me. I look silly floating around in the

air. It's okay for skinny guys like you and Guido, but

when I try it, I look like a blimp. All I'd need is Good-

year tattooed on my side to make the picture complete."

I closed my eyes and tried to remember that I was

tired and that I shouldn't take it out on my friends. The

fact that Massha was worried about appearances while I

was trying to figure out a way to get us all out of this

alive wasn't really infuriating. It was... flattering!

That was it! She was so confident of my abilities to get

us through this crisis that she had time to think about

appearances! Of course, the possibility of betraying that

confidence set me off in another round of worrying.

Wonderful.

"You okay. Boss?"

"Hmmm? Yeah. Sure, Guido. Okay. Now Massha

floats up to the window, which leaves you and me free

to...."

"Hold it, Hot Stuff," Massha said, holding up a

hand. "I think I'd better explain a little more about this

belt. I bought it in an 'as-is' rummage sale, and the con-

trols are not all they should be."

"How so?"

"Well, the 'up' control works okay, but the 'altitude'

is shaky so you're never sure how much you can lift or

94

MYTH-ING PERSONS 95

Robert Asprin

how high it will go. The real problem, though, is the

'down' control. There's no tapering-off effect, so it's

either on or off."

I was never particularly good at technical jargon, but

flying was something I knew so I could almost follow

her.

"Let me see if I've got this right," I said. "When you

go up, you aren't sure how much power you'll have, and

when you land. ..."

"...it ain't gentle," she finished for me. "Basically,

you fall from whatever height you're at to the ground."

"I don't know much about this magic stuff," Guido

commented dryly, "but that doesn't sound so good.

Why would you use a rig like that, anyway?"

"I don't ... at least not for flying," Massha said.

"Remember, I told you I think it makes me look silly?

All I use it for is a utility belt... you know, like Bat-

man? I mean, it's kind of pretty, and it isn't easy to find

belts in my size."

"Whatever," I said, breaking into their fashion dis-

cussion. "We're going to use it tonight to get up to the

cell even if it means rigging some kind of ballast system.

Now all we need to figure out is how to open the cell

window and a getaway plan. Guido, it occurs to me that

we might pick up a few lessons on jailbreaks from your

experiences even if they were unsuccessful. I mean,

negative examples can be as instructive as positive ex-

amples. So tell me, in your opinion what went wrong in

the plans you followed in the past?"

The bodyguard's brow furrowed as it took on the

unaccustomed exercise of thought.

"I dunno, Boss. It seems that however much planning

was done, something always came up that we hadn't