Logically she knew that she needed to take a step back. But what good was that when everything inside of her screamed that she had to protect him? He was grown up now. She realized that. Still she couldn’t stop worrying.

Signe slipped out to the hall to use the phone there. When she heard Matte’s recorded message on his voicemail, she put down the receiver. Why wasn’t he answering his phone?

‘I don’t know what to do.’

Erica slumped in her chair. They had a rare moment of peace in the midst of the chaos. All three children were asleep, so she and Patrik could sit at the kitchen table together, eating hot sandwiches and talking without being constantly interrupted. But Erica was having a hard time enjoying the moment. She couldn’t stop thinking about Anna.

‘There’s really not much you can do except make yourself available when she needs you. And she does have Dan, after all.’ Patrik reached across the table to put his hand on Erica’s.

‘What if she hates me?’ she said faintly, on the verge of tears.

‘Why would she hate you?’

‘Because I have two babies and she has none.’

‘But that’s not your fault. It’s just … I don’t know really what to call it. Fate, maybe.’ Patrik stroked her hand.

‘Fate?’ Erica gave him a dubious look. ‘Anna has suffered enough at the hands of fate. She was finally starting to be happy, and she and I were getting so close. But now … She’s going to hate me. I know she is.’

‘How did it go yesterday when you went to see her?’

They’d both been so busy that they hadn’t had a chance to talk until now. The candle that Patrik had lit began fluttering so that Erica’s face was alternately illuminated and in shadow.

‘She was asleep. I sat with her for a while. She looked so small.’

‘What about Dan?’

‘He seemed in despair. He’s carrying a heavy load. I can tell, even though he pretends that everything is okay. Emma and Adrian are asking a lot of questions. And he told me that he doesn’t know what to say to them.’

‘She’ll make it through this. She’s demonstrated in the past that she’s a very strong person.’ Patrik let go of Erica’s hand and picked up his knife and fork.

‘I’m not so sure about that. How much can any human being stand before falling apart? I’m afraid that Anna has reached her limit.’ Erica’s voice broke.

‘We’ll just have to wait and see. And help her if she needs us.’ Patrik could hear how hollow his words sounded, hovering in the air. But he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He didn’t know any better than Erica did. How did people defend themselves against fate? How could anyone go on after losing a child?

At that moment two cries from above made them both jump. Together they went upstairs to get the twins. This was their fate. They felt both guilty and grateful.

4

‘That was Matte’s office. He didn’t come in yesterday, and he’s not there today either. And he didn’t call in sick.’ Gunnar seemed frozen in place as he held the phone in his hand.

‘And he didn’t pick up all weekend when I rang his number,’ said Signe.

‘I’ll drive over to his place and have a look.’

Gunnar was already on his way to the door, grabbing his jacket as he passed. So this is how Signe feels, he thought. Fear was darting around in his chest like a wild animal. This was how she must have felt all these years.

‘I’m going with you,’ Signe said firmly, and Gunnar knew better than to argue. He nodded briefly and then waited impatiently as she put on her coat.

They drove in silence all the way to Matte’s flat. Gunnar took the back roads, not the route through town. Instead he drove past the Seven Hills, the place where kids went sledding in the winter. Matte had done that too when he was a boy. Gunnar swallowed hard. There had to be a logical explanation. Maybe he was running a fever and hadn’t thought of calling in sick. Or maybe … He couldn’t think of anything else. Matte was always so conscientious about everything. He would have rung the office if he couldn’t make it to work.

Signe’s face was pale as she sat next to him in the passenger seat. She was staring straight ahead, gripping her handbag, which rested on her lap. Gunnar wondered why she was holding on to it so tightly, but he had the feeling that the handbag was her lifeline at the moment.

They parked in front of Matte’s building. Entrance B. Gunnar wanted to run, but for Signe’s sake he tried to act calmly and forced himself to walk at a normal pace.

‘Do you have the keys?’ asked Signe, who had gone striding ahead and already had the front door open.

‘Here.’ Gunnar held out the spare keys that Matte had given them.

‘I’m sure he’s home, so we won’t really need them. He’ll come to the door himself and then …’

He listened to Signe’s incoherent chatter as she ran up the stairs. Matte lived on the top floor, and they were both out of breath by the time they reached the door to his flat. Gunnar had to restrain himself from immediately putting the key in the lock.

‘Let’s ring the bell first. If he’s home, he’ll be cross if we go barging in. Maybe he has company and that’s why he hasn’t gone to work.’

Signe was already pressing the doorbell. They heard it ringing inside. She tried it again. And again. Then they listened for approaching footsteps, Matte’s footsteps coming to the door. But there was only silence.

‘I think you’d better use the key.’ Signe gave her husband an urgent look.

He nodded, stepped in front of her, and began fumbling with the key ring. He found the right key, turned it in the lock, and pushed down on the door handle. The door didn’t budge. In confusion he realized that the door had been open, and he had just locked it. He glanced at Signe. They could see the panic in each other’s eyes. Why would the door be left unlocked if Matte wasn’t home? And if he was home, why hadn’t he come to the door?

Gunnar turned the key again, and heard the click of the lock. With fingers that were now shaking uncontrollably, he pushed open the door.

The moment he looked inside the front hall, he realized that Signe had been right all along.

She was sick. More ill than she’d ever been in her life. The smell of vomit filled her nostrils. She couldn’t really remember, but she thought she’d thrown up in a bucket next to the mattress. She saw everything through a fog. Nathalie cautiously tried to move. Her whole body ached. She squinted. Her eyes hurt as she tried to see what time it was. What day was it? And where was Sam?

The thought of Sam gave her enough strength to sit up. She was lying on a mattress next to his bed. He was asleep. She was finally able to focus her eyes enough to read her watch. It was just after one. Which meant that Sam was taking an afternoon nap. She stroked his head.

Somehow she must have managed to look after him in spite of the fever. Her maternal instincts had proved sufficiently strong. Relief flooded over her, making the pain easier to bear. She looked around. A bottle of water lay on his bed, and scattered on the floor were pieces of fruit, a hunk of cheese, and a packet of biscuits. It looked as if she’d made sure he had food and water.

A bucket stood next to the mattress, and the smell coming from it was disgusting. She must have realized how ill she was and brought the bucket into the room. Her stomach felt empty, so she’d apparently thrown up everything she’d eaten.

Slowly she got to her feet. She didn’t want to wake Sam, so she stopped herself from groaning aloud. Finally she was able to stand though her legs were wobbly. It was important for her to have something to eat and drink. She wasn’t hungry, but her stomach was growling in protest. She picked up the bucket, careful not to look inside as she carried it out of the room. Using her shoulder to push open the front door, she shivered in surprise as she came out into the cold air. The summer heat must have disappeared while she was sick.