People were already surrounding them, trying to help Addison, who was becoming increasingly distraught by the second.

“Where are the paramedics?” he demanded as the enormous boulder in his throat suffocated him, making it hard for him to breathe now too. “We need them here now!”

What felt like an eternity later, as the operator kept him on the phone, the medics finally arrived. AJ had watched in horror as all of Addison’s resuscitation efforts were in vain. The crowd had grown even bigger as Addison’s hysterical cries brought more attention to them.

AJ tried to calm her, at least hold her back from getting in the medic’s way. “She needs to hear my voice!” Addison insisted. “Baby, please, please, breathe for mommy!”

Addison clutched onto AJ as they both watched how lifeless Clair’s little body was even after the medics arrived and shot her with an even bigger dose of the meds needed to buy her more time to get to the hospital.

Never had AJ felt so fucking helpless, just standing there watching as Addison completely fell apart, trying to fight him, so he’d let her go. But he knew he had to hold her back.

“Let them do their thing, babe,” he said then shushed her even as the boulder in his throat broke and his own words gave because it really felt like it’d been too long now.

“There’s no pulse,” one of the medics said as they frantically continued performing CPR on Clair’s tiny body.

“No!” Addison’s loud cries only made the tears spill out of AJ’s eyes as he struggled to hold her back. “Dear God, no!”

It was all AJ could do to keep himself from crying out with her as her voice went even more high-pitched. “Please, Clair Bear! Breathe for Mommy! Please!”

Chapter 23

AJ

The empty locker room was as silent and dark as AJ’s aching heart felt. He sat there, still shirtless from not having been able to finish dressing after the game. The locker room had long ago emptied, and he hadn’t moved from the bench where he sat, face buried in his hands. His heart had never felt so much pain in his life, not even with either one of the deaths of his parents. This was brutal, and the worst thing was he had no idea what to say anymore: how to help Addison and her parents deal with the suffocating anguish.

But worse than anything, he’d never forgive himself. Never would he have imagined Clair’s allergies could be so dangerous. No wonder the coach had referred to her as delicate. She was tiny and sweet and a little awkward, yes, but he’d never seen her as a fragile little girl.

Why hadn’t he taken Addison’s precautions more seriously? He’d inconsiderately waved them off as Addison and her parents being overly protective. He’d never known anyone with such severe allergies or allergies period, so he’d mistaken Clair’s family’s over-the-top safety measures when it came to this as them being that way because she was their precious little princess. The center of their world. Not because it was that vital.

“Why?” he whispered through his teeth. “Why the fuck didn’t I take it more seriously?”

Unable to sit anymore, he got up and paced the locker room, picking up a bat because he needed to squeeze something. The question would forever haunt him, and he stopped in the middle of the locker room, bringing the bat over his head, resting it on his shoulders, and squeezing it at either end. “Why?”

Taking a deep breath, he welcomed the anger he was beginning to feel again. The same anger had raced through his veins the day it happened and took over the massive ache in his heart. “Why, damn it!” He banged the bat against the lockers. “Why? Why? Fucking why!”

When the bat shattered into pieces, he picked up one of the wooden stools and started banging it against the walls and lockers. One after another he picked them up and banged them against the wall, asking the same miserable question. By the time he fell to the floor, exhausted and barely able to catch his breath, he’d lost count of how many stools he shattered. All he knew was, unlike what he’d been told all his life, letting it out did not make him feel better. Not even a little bit. His heart was still completely shattered and would be forever. Once again, he squeezed his eyes shut as his body shook uncontrollably and the relentless tears overwhelmed him.

~*~

Addison

Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. It was what Addison had been told when Clair had slipped into a coma. Addison tried to hope for the best but knew the real possibility existed that Clair could possibly have suffered brain damage from lack of oxygen.

She’d always said this would be her worst nightmare, yet nothing could’ve prepared her for the enormity of the pain. For days, her entire body had been numb. The words anyone but the doctors said to her barely registered. Her life as she’d known it was over—over until either her baby woke up or . . .

Addison shook her head, not wanting to even consider that possibility. “If you can hear me,” she whispered as the tears streaked down her face, “come back, baby. Wake for Mommy, please.”

She kissed Clair’s little hand then brought it against her face as she cried for the millionth time. How could this have happened? Addison had taken every precaution. They’d never even used her EpiPen before, but she carried it with her religiously. She did everything the doctors told her to. The girl at the concession stand even showed her the can of canola oil they used for the popcorn, not peanut oil as so many theaters used and could be deadly for Clair. Addison always made sure she double-checked.

A light knock sounded at the door to the room and then it opened slowly. AJ stepped in, his eyes as red-rimmed and swollen as hers felt. “Any change?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

Addison shook her head. “The doctors are still trying to figure out what it could’ve been that caused such a violent reaction. They say only something nut-related could cause a reaction this bad. But none of what she had that day had anything of the sort. So there’s a possibility she might’ve developed yet another allergy to something we weren’t even aware of.”

AJ stared at her, the shock of everything that had happened in the last couple of days still wearing heavily in his eyes. He’d been just as devastated by all this as she’d been, but she forced him today to go to his game. There was nothing he could do for her here, and he was risking fines and contractual legal issues if he just didn’t show up. Already he’d missed a few games in this crucial part of the season because of his brother, and he’d missed another one because of Clair yesterday.

“Would it help if they knew?”

Addison shrugged, glancing back at Clair. “It might. They could at least rule out that it might be a new allergy, one we’d obviously have to monitor closely.”

Her parents walked in and said hello to AJ then were immediately at Clair’s side. “You should go get something to eat, honey,” her mother said, caressing Clair’s head. “We’ll stay here with her and call you if anything changes.”

With a weary smile, Addison nodded, kissing Clair’s hand one last time. “Furthest I’ll go is the cafeteria, so I won’t be long.”

“I’ll go with you,” AJ said.

As soon as they were out of the room, AJ took her hand in his. “We need to talk.” Addison turned to him curiously. “I think I know what might’ve caused Clair’s reaction.” She felt her eyes narrow but said nothing, letting him continue. “When you walked out to take that first call, Clair asked to taste my ice cream.”

Addison’s eyes immediately opened wide, and she pulled her hand from his. “And you let her?” She shook her head, trying to remember what kind it was. “Did it have nuts in it?”