Who am I becoming?

They’re drug dealers, murders, human traffickers and rapists. If my father were here, he would forgive them of their sins and invite them inside so he could help their wounded. I want to double chain the gate, douse the bastards in petrol and strike a match.

I would watch them burn.

Maria Rosa snatches a gun from the guy standing closest to her and holds it up, aiming though the bars of the gate at Cade. “If you kill us,” she hisses, “I won’t be able to tell you what Ramirez has planned for you, will I?”

I’m still all for killing her, but Cade falters. Shay cocks a mean looking gun, holding it up with both hands as she moves closer to Cade. “She’s bluffing. She doesn’t know anything about Ramirez. Let me put a fucking bullet between her eyes, man.”

“You think Rebel would do that?” he asks.

Shay’s determination flickers, only for a second. Only for the briefest of pauses. It’s enough for Cade, though. “Exactly. He’d want to know what she knows first. And then he’d kill her.”

I don’t like his tone of voice at all. It sounds for all the world like he’s about to do as she asks. “You are not going to let her in here, right?” It seems like sheer madness that he would even consider such a thing, and yet he gives me a tight-lipped smile and starts walking toward the gate.

“You, Rico, him,”—he points at the guy holding onto Raphael—“and Hector’s guy. That’s it. Everyone else needs to get gone. Then you can come in.”

“You’re crazy!” Maria Rosa laughs scornfully. “I’m not walking into the lion’s den with only one able-bodied guard. You must think I’m stupid.”

“No, I think you’re desperate otherwise you wouldn’t have come here. The choice is yours, Mother.”

Mother? My head is spinning. Why the hell would he call her that? It makes no sense. No one else seems to find it strange, though. The Widow Makers surrounding me are all wearing severe expressions, hands resting on their guns, some blatantly holding them out like Shay. I’m the only one who looks lost, I’m sure. Cade shrugs, smiling in a dramatic, all of a sudden way that is totally out of place.

“When you make up your mind, you let me know, okay? Meantime, I’ll be in the clubhouse drinking a cold one.” He begins to turn around, turning his back on the crazed woman on the other side of the gate, but she starts screaming again.

“¡Te odio! usted es un enfermo, el mal hijo de puta!”

Cade faces her again, grinning. “Oh, don’t worry, Mother. I hate you, too.”

There’s pure murder in her eyes when she lowers her gun. “Fine. Just the four of us. But trust me…if you value your life and the lives of your precious Widow Makers, you won’t lay a finger on me or mine.”

Cade draws an ex over his chest. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“I’ve hoped you would die many times over already, cabron.”

“Likewise.” Cade stares at her until she loses patience and starts barking at her men in Spanish, presumably telling them to leave. They look unsure at first, and then afraid as she gets angrier and angrier. Eventually seven other men climb into two of the cars, start the engines and leave.

“There. Are you happy now? Rico is dying, motherfucker. Let us inside.”

I have no idea who this Rico guy is, but he sure as hell seems important to Maria Rosa. Cade grunts, still grinning, though the humor has vanished from his face. He looks like he’s grimacing as he slowly strolls to the compound gate and punches a code into the keypad to the left. The metal screeches as the gates swing open and then Maria Rosa is charging into the compound, holding up her gun. She marches straight up to Cade and presses the gleaming metal directly against his heart.

“You’d better fix him,” she spits. “You’d better fix him, or there will be consequences, asshole.”

I’d be curious to see what these consequences are, now that twenty angry Widow Makers surround her. Cade says something, but I don’t really hear it, though. The two of them talk, anger and antagonism lacing their voices, and I stare at Raphael, feeling panic rising in the back of my throat. He’s still being restrained, though the evil motherfucker isn’t struggling anymore. He’s staring right back at me, unblinking, apparently unfazed by the situation he finds himself in. He seems only intent on one thing: me. And the look in his eyes is enough to make the blood run cold in my veins.

“Well? Sophia? Can you do it?”

“Huh?” I tear my gaze from Raphael, shaking, to find that Cade has moved again and he’s standing beside me. His eyebrows are raised in question. “What?” I ask.

“Can you take a look at the guy? You’re studying medicine, right?”

I just look at him blankly. He can’t…he can’t actually be serious. Can he? “What? No! I study psychology.”

Cade laughs like this is the funniest thing ever. He turns around, throwing his hands up in the air. “Well, there you have it. No doctors here, Mother. Sorry.” He doesn’t sound sorry. Not even a little. “I mean,” he continues.  “I can pull a slug out of him, but I can’t guarantee I won’t do more damage than good. He looks like he’s on the way out, darlin’.”

Maria Rosa sends him an icy stare. And then she turns it on me. “You’re lying,” she informs me. “You are a doctor.”

“I’m not.” I’m really damn glad none of these people know my father or my sister are actually doctors. They would probably assume I know what I’m doing by association or something. Turns out Maria Rosa doesn’t need such information to make calls like that, though. “Bullshit. You can save him.” She sounds like she’s determined to make this the truth by sheer force of will. She’s mad. I’m convinced of that fact when she turns her gun on me and removes the safety. “Get over here,” she commands. “Get the bullet out of him and sew him up. You can do it.”

“I—” I shake my head, not quite sure what to do. “I have no surgical experience. I’ll kill him.”

“Oh, no, princess. You kill him, and I kill you. I don’t think you want that. You want to die?”

“Of course not.”

“Then get over here and fix him!”

I can see that the man on the ground by the gate, Rico, is beyond saving. His lips and eyelids are blue, which I’m educated enough to know means he stopped breathing some time ago. I’m betting that if I walk over there and place my fingertips against his neck, I’m not going to find a pulse. I’m also betting Maria Rosa does not want to hear that, though. She seems like she’s on the brink of a complete meltdown.

“I don’t have any equipment. I’d need a sterile room, and surgical tools. I—I don’t even have a needle and thread, let alone forceps. You do know what a psychologist is, right?”

Maria Rosa doesn’t answer. She moves in a flash of tight Versace and highly impractical Manolos, and suddenly she has me by the hair. Both Cade and Shay move at the same time, trying to put themselves in between me and the woman, but Maria Rosa has a firm grip on me; my hair feels like it’s about to be torn out at the roots.

“For fuck’s sake,” Cade groans under his breath. “If you really wanna piss Rebel off, you’re doing a stellar job.”

“Do I look like I give a fuck about Rebel?” Maria Rosa spits. “I only care about Rico.” She proceeds to drag me toward Rico’s body, jabbing me every few paces with what I’m assuming it the barrel of her gun. Raphael starts laughing in that rattling, weird, unnerving way of his. His cackling bounces around the compound courtyard like a mocking bird call. He stops laughing as I pass him to say, “I hope you’re ready, slut. I’ll be skull fucking you before the end of the night.”

Anger rolls through me. I want to punch this woman in the ribcage for handling me like I’m shit, for bring that man in such close proximity of me, but I know she won’t hesitate to shoot if I piss her off.