Walker rushes toward me. “Don’t say a word. Not one word to anyone but me.”

I glare. “I hadn’t planned to.”

“They can’t get into the house,” Walker says softly and deliberately. “They’ve cut the power. Everything is still streaming live, though. But your house is like a vault. Bulletproof windows. Concrete two feet thick. They don’t know how to get inside. That’s the only break we’ve caught here. They don’t have a warrant yet. They don’t need one, but they’re waiting because it’s your house and every fucker with a camera on the street is filming this. They want to arrest her. I’m trying to stall them and prevent that until Goldman can do something with the district attorney. Don’t say anything. Let me do all the talking.”

“Tell them to let me into my house. Alone. Let me talk to her alone.”

Walker shakes his head. “They’re not going to do that.”

“Ask them. Beg them. I don’t give a fuck how much you have to grovel or threaten or whatever else you do. Just get me inside so I can talk to her alone before anything else happens here.”

For a moment I consider pushing past them and entering my house without their permission. Walker’s hand closes on my arm.

“No, you’re not doing that,” he warns severely. “You are not going to try to enter without their permission. They’ll arrest you, Manny. You’re not doing this.”

Oh God.

What the fuck?

How did that little prick know what I was thinking?

I’m not totally aware of my own thoughts.

I’m too consumed by what is rushing through my body. My heart is racing so quickly it feels like I’m about to have a fucking heart attack and I’m out of my mind with worry. The strongest impulse in me is to get to Kaley, in a way I’ve never felt before, nerve-racking, desperate, and uncontrollable.

“Please. Get me in there. I need to know she’s OK. Now.”

My insides freeze. The words were out of my mouth before I realized I’d spoken. Walker stares at me, and I can tell he can see I’m the furthest thing from angry.

“What’s going on?” Len asks.

I turn.

I forgot he was with me.

“Walker is trying to get me into the house. Alone.”

I rake a hand through my hair.

There’s got to be something more I can do while I wait for them to sort out what they’re going to do. I’ve never felt so fucking useless. I need to help Kaley. I grab my cell phone from my pocket. I go to my contacts. I hit the number.

Ring. Ring. Answer.

“Oh Christ, I’ve been watching the news all afternoon. Is Kaley OK?”

Jack.

Why did I call him?

I fight to focus my thoughts.

“I need your help, Jack. I’m trying to get into the house to talk to her. The police want to arrest her. You know people. You know where to pull strings. Do what you do. Call who you call. Just stop this—”

Oh fuck, I’m crying. Is this what fear and panic does?

“If they arrest her, Jack, her life is ruined and she will blame me for it forever. I don’t know why she’s doing this, but I do know she is going to hate me if I don’t stop it and I’ll never repair that.”

A pause.

“Hang in there, buddy. Focus on Kaley. I’ll take care of the rest. Remember, whatever happens you’ve got to be the one in control, calm, and managing shit.”

Click. I shove my cell into my pocket.

It takes an hour before the officers huddled around Walker look less adversarial. They are all nodding in what looks to be agreement on something.

Walker rushes back toward me.

“I don’t know what the fuck happened, but they are letting you in,” he says. “And here’s the deal, Manny. You get ten minutes alone with her. Then they’re coming in. They are not going to arrest her. They are going to talk to her and then turn her over to your custody.”

My custody? Relief shoots through my veins.

An officer approaches me. “Has your attorney explained our agreement?”

“Yes, he has.”

“You can go on in. Ten minutes. And then we’re coming in.”

Len and I are guided to the house. I go to the wall panel and hit the series of codes needed to get through the front entry. How the fuck did Kaley know them?

I step into the foyer and close the door behind me. I stare and try to compose myself. But it’s fucking hard. Everywhere I look, everything is broken. Smashed. She has smashed her way through my house. I start stepping over debris, not sure where to start searching for her.

“This is fucking out of control,” I whisper, overwhelmed. “Why would she do this? I don’t understand.”

Len pats me on the shoulder. He turns his phone toward me and points at the screen. “That’s your bedroom, right?”

I glance at the screen. My heart clenches. Kaley is sitting on the floor crying with an aluminum bat lying beside her. How she looks tears me apart. I can’t breathe. It’s that leveling of a thing.

I scan the room.

What is happening here?

I go down the hallway.

My heartbeat continues to escalate. It’s painful now. I need to talk to her, but something inside me is screaming that I don’t want to do this. Out of nowhere. A sense of impending…fuck, I don’t even know what to label it.

I stop in the bedroom doorway, silent, and take a moment to scan the scene. Zoe Kennedy and Bobby are sitting on the floor, backs against the wall, looking as overwhelmed as I feel. But Kaley looks almost calm now.

Bobby looks at me and then springs to his feet.

“Shut everything off,” I order harshly. “Cut the feed. Turn off the cameras. And get out of here. Both of you.”

Kaley jumps to her feet and runs to him. “Bobby, no. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me here alone with him.”

He pulls her against him in a firm hug, kisses her forehead and holds her face in his hands. “It will be all right, Kaley. This is what you wanted. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right outside the door. But you need to do this with him alone.”

You need to do this with him alone?

I start reading the walls as I wait for everyone except Kaley to clear the room.

A few minutes later we’re alone.

“You’ve got my attention, Kaley. Talk to me. Why would you do something like this?”

“You can’t even look at me,” she hisses. “Maybe if you could look at me, really see me, you’d already know and I wouldn’t have to tell you. Goddamn it, look at me.”

I stare at her. My life and hers are spinning out of control, about to collide into a truth I’ve always known without knowing, not clear in my head, something in me unable or unwilling to believe Chrissie could do something like this. But it is pounding at the edges of my subconscious, impossible to shut off, a vague awareness of what’s going to happen next and a desperation not to let it.

“I’m looking at you. This is not the way you deal with things, Kaley. You didn’t need to do this to talk to me. I will always listen. I’m always there for you. You didn’t need to do any of this. Say whatever it is that you got me here to tell me.”

Oh fuck. The way she’s staring at me.

“How would you know if I needed to deal with it this way or not?” she screams. “You don’t know what it is like to be me. I’ve tried to talk to you. You can’t hear me. Not ever. But I’m not letting you wall me out any longer. I can’t. It was almost survivable when I thought it was only me. But to find out—”

She breaks off. She looks wounded and tormented, and like a frightened animal, vulnerable and painfully so.

“Survivable? What was almost survivable?”

But I know. I already know.

Black eyes lock on black—black, not brown, you fucking idiot—black hair, black eyes, olive skin, tall and long-limbed body. The shape of her mouth. Her cheek bones. Her brow…

“You don’t get to pick the kids you want,” she says on choking sobs. “Kids are not disposable items. Why Khloe but deny me? You make me hate her and I don’t want to because I love her. But fuck, you are my father. What kind of man are you? What kind of man can do this?”