He gives me a look but it isn’t condemning.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want anyone to know until we figured it out. I wasn’t sure if it would work. Plus, I wasn’t ready for the backlash.”

“Backlash?”

“I don’t want anyone mad because we’re together.”

“Why would anyone be mad?”

I stop and close my mouth for a second. “Isn’t it obvious? I walked away.” I amend that. “No, I ran. You were there. I wasn’t even sure he’d forgive me.”

“What would he have to forgive? You did what you thought was best at that time. No one blames you, Cate. Least of all me.”

I hug him and barely stop myself from crying. “I wasn’t sure how you and everyone would feel.”

He pats my back while I continue to hold him tight. He’s like my big brother as much as he’s Jenna’s.

“I’m happy for you, Cate. I’m happy for both of you. You deserve it.”

As much as I’m grateful he’s fine with all of it, I worry about him too.

“What about you?”

He pulls back and I can see the sadness in his eyes. He shrugs and tries to give me a playful smile when he speaks, but I know he feels some truth of his words. “I’m all alone here in Charleston now.”

I shake my head feeling like a mama bear that needs to protect her cub.

“That’s not true. You’ve got Jenna. And you can always come up for a visit. We would love to have you.”

He nods.

“By the way. I heard you’re bringing someone to the party.”

He shrugs. “She’s a warm body.”

“Warm body, that’s not a very good description,” I say with halfhearted humor.

“What do you want to know? She’s pretty and intelligent? Well, she is both of those things, but I’m not expecting any more than that. We all aren’t lucky to have what you two have, Cate. I’m not expecting a fairytale ending.”

I narrow my eyes at him.

“With an attitude like that, you won’t get one either. She could be your happily ever after if you give her a chance.”

I see the humor leave him and he’s got his dead serious face on.

“She can warm my bed, but nothing will thaw this cold heart.”

He points to his chest and I place my hand there.

“Don’t bullshit me Ben Rhoades. I know you now. You aren’t the cold-hearted bastard I used to think you were.” Which is probably the reason my crush on him died shortly after it began back when I was a preteen. He had a reputation of breaking hearts and bad boys were never my thing. “I feel your beating heart and you deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy. I’m happy for you and Drew.” He steps away like he’s in a hurry. “Anyway, I’ve got to get going. I have to help my parents move furniture or something.” He grabs his coat. “It was really good seeing you, Cate.”

Then he is gone. I stand there worried about him. He hasn’t been himself or so Jenna’s told me. When she comes downstairs with her purse, she says, “Where’s Benny?”

I’m still trying to think how I can help him as I mutter, “He left, something about helping your parents.”

She snickers. “I’m glad you’re here. I have an excuse not to go over there. Mom’s in her re-decorating mode. And ever since Dad put the brakes on her shopping, she rearranges furniture every month instead.” She rolls her eyes. “Let’s go find a dress. I need something that will make Brandon jealous.”

Two nights later, I watch as Andy and Ben talk in one corner. Jenna and some cute guy chat in another. My parents and Jenna’s are sitting on the couch and other various people are having great animated conversations.

For a Christmas Eve, I pronounce all is fine in the world. So far, everyone has taken the news well that I’m with Drew again.

When the front door buzzes, I watch as Ben opens the door. When the McKnights, my in-laws walk in, Andy is immediately by my side. My heart races when their eyes lock on me, I know the conversation to come will be the hardest of any I’ve had so far.

“AND? TELL ME ABOUT YOUR scans, Drew.” His expression, the downbeat look on his face, pretty much says it all. But he has to speak, and I know he needs to get it off his chest, even though he doesn’t want to tell me.

He shakes his head. “It’s come back. I lit up the pictures like a fucking Christmas tree. It’s everywhere. I’m stopping all treatment.” He holds up his hand to prevent me from talking. “I’ve been in every one of their conferences, Cate. I know the outcome data on all the protocols and I’ve failed everything. I want to live what little there is left of my life feeling better than I do right now. I don’t have much time, but what I do have, I want those days to be enjoyable. I know this should probably be partly your decision, too, but I’m making it on my own. I have some things I need to take care of, business and personal things, and I wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing if I feel like shit all the time. I hope you can understand my point here. I’m sorry I’ve put you through all this shit.”

He offers up a sad smile and I throw myself at him. I don’t know how I’ll live without him. One thing I do know—this world will be shit without Drew McKnight.

“Me? You’re worried about me? I want you to at least consider trying, Drew.”

“It’s no use, Cate. If I thought there was the slightest of chances, I would give it a go. But there isn’t. Try to understand.”

The words I want to say I can’t, because I want to scream and yell. I want to shake him and tell him NO! Don’t give up.

“Cate?”

My head jerks up. “What?”

“Look at me. I mean, really look at me. And take your blinders off.” He holds his arms out. “This is cancer, killing me. It’s what it does; it’s called advanced disease progression. I’m at the point of palliative care.”

“I-I don’t know what that means.”

“It means Rosenberg will make me comfortable with whatever he has to use. Pain meds, maybe some low doses of chemo.”

“But you just said you were done trying chemo.”

“For a cure. This would be for pain management. That’s what palliative care is. I’ll be comfortable, I promise.” The ironic thing is his voice has a soothing quality to it.

“Drew, are you good with this?”

He lets out a short laugh. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

No, he doesn’t. It’s not like he ordered this off the menu.

“Jesus, I don’t know what to say.”

“All I want you to say is that you accept my decision and pray for a miracle.”

I look at him and say, “It’s not like I have a choice, do I?”

He gives me a sheepish look and shakes his head. “No. I’m sorry.”

I blow out a shaky breath. The time has come for me to face facts here. It’s not like I haven’t had these thoughts before. But when you’re presented with them like this, it’s like having ice water thrown in your face.

I don’t know where the calm comes from, but I’m numb as I ask, “Do your parents know?”

“Not yet. Will you go with me when I tell them?”

“You know I will.” I lay my head on his chest. “What about Ben?”

“I hope you don’t mind, but he’s on his way over.”

“No. I don’t mind.” The truth is I’m kind of glad he’s coming.

Ben never knocks, but for some reason, he does tonight. When I open the door, I can see the fear in his gray eyes. His dark brown hair is disheveled and I know why. He keeps running his hands through it, as he’s doing now. Then he jerks me into his arms and we stand there, two dazed souls, trying to comfort each other. We hear Drew’s voice calling from the other room.

“Stop sniveling out there and get in here you two.”

“Leave it to him to say something like that,” Ben says against my shoulder. Then he sniffs, wipes his eyes, and gives me a weak smile. Holding out his hand he asks, “Ready?”

We walk in together and Ben asks, “Since when have I ever sniveled?”

“Since you decided to take me on as your best friend and carry this cancer thing around with you.” Then Drew blurts out, “I’m not gonna make it, dude. This is my last hurrah.”