“Talk to me, babe. Tell me what the plan is,” I say, my face against his neck. Please, God, let me be strong for this beautiful man.

“Chemo. Then surgery. Here’s the weird thing. I have a pediatric cancer. It’s super rare for an adult to get this. But they may switch up my chemo a bit since I’m not a peds patient. I meet with the Oncology team Monday. I had a phone call with one of them today. They may want to do a surgical excision first. They’re having a tumor board on Friday.”

“A tumor board?”

“Yeah, it’s where a bunch of oncologists get together and discuss a case. I will be theirs this Friday. Then we meet on Monday to decide my course of therapy.”

“Are you good with this? Do we need to go somewhere else?”

“Nah. They connect with all the major centers so the treatment protocols are pretty much the same.”

“Your parents? Do they know?”

“Not yet. I’m going to call them tomorrow.”

“Drew, look at me.” Sadness dulls his normally bright blue eyes. “We’re going to kick this cancer in the ass, babe. Do you hear me? I’m going to be with you every step of the way and we’re going to knock this thing out of you. I want you to understand this.”

“I know. I’m with you, Cate. We’re going to win this war. It’s what I want to do with my life … with our lives.”

I grab his face and kiss him. “You bet your ass we do.”

“There’s something else. With chemo, there’s a strong chance it will destroy any possibility of my ability to have kids.”

“Drew, I don’t care …”

“Let me finish, Cate. I want to freeze my sperm. In the chance that it does, and I do beat this …”

“There is no if. You’re going to beat this.”

“I know. So, when the time comes, and we want kids, we’ll still be able to do that.”

“Okay.” And I hug him, because if there is a choice, I will always choose Drew.

Drew has a meeting scheduled with his oncology team on Monday, the same day classes start for me. I want to skip so I can be with him. He assures me he’s good.

“Realistically, babe, what can you do? I have one of my attendings coming with me, and Mom and Dad will be here, too. It’s not that I don’t want you there, but you need to be in class. This is your final year.”

“I know but this is your life. I’m a part of it. I want to be with you, holding your hand.”

“And you will. In spirit.”

I pace the living room. I’ve delayed my departure by two days. I don’t have books or anything purchased yet. He’s right and I know it. This is going to be a tough semester for me, too. I’m taking eighteen ball-busting hours.

“Come here.” He calls me over to the couch where he sits. Then he pulls me on his lap. I suck in my breath and try to get up. “I’m not fragile, Cate. Don’t treat me as though I am. Now listen up. We both have lives to live and I want us to be as normal as possible. Cancer sucks, no matter how you look at it. There will be times I’ll need you desperately. Right now is not one of them. I have a huge support team and you’re my number one. I know that. As soon as I’m finished, I’ll call. But you have a job to do. When we get married in June, you need to be done, your diploma in hand, with that summa cum laude behind your name. You won’t be able to do that if you skip classes.”

“I love you, Drew.”

“Good. Now take your clothes off, because it’s going to be a few days before I see you again.”

This time when we make love, it’s slow and careful. Drew’s eyes never leave mine, it seems. Almost like he’s memorizing everything about me that he can. And as much as it’s beautiful, it’s frightening, too. The vibrancy of him, the way he’s so full of life makes me believe they must have made an error. They must’ve gotten it all wrong. It was someone else’s biopsy that they got mixed up with his. Then the truth bullies the fantasy aside and I know it’s real. Urgency invades me and I can’t seem to get enough of him. I want to drink him in, fill myself with Drew, until I can’t possibly take any more. He senses it; I know it. I’m no good at hiding my emotions. His lips capture mine in a searing kiss and when he releases me, he says, “It’s going to be fine. We’ll make it, Cate. I know. I’m going to beat this.”

And I believe him. He’s so convincing and strong. How can he not?

His chemo treatments begin the following week. As his luck would have it, they are opting for the more aggressive approach. The drugs they will use are toxic. I cringe just thinking about it. Caroline, Sam’s wife, is going with him for his first treatment, and then I will be there the next day, to spend the weekend. This semester is turning to shit. All I think about is being with him.

When I arrive at his apartment, he’s in bed. The blinds are drawn and he’s asleep. I don’t want to wake him so I stand in the doorway and watch him. He’s beautiful. His full lips and straight nose are profiled against his pillow and I want to bend down and kiss him, but I don’t budge. The sheet is pulled down his body, exposing his torso, and I think about what’s lurking beneath that gorgeous skin. How can something so ugly, so grotesque, be growing inside of all that magnificence? I cover my mouth to stop any sound from escaping. The urge to kiss his ribs nearly drives my feet into forward motion. I want to be the one to take it all away from him. Ridiculous, I know, but that’s how I feel, nonetheless. Guess you could say it’s my protective instinct. If I could touch every single bit of him right now, without waking him, I would. I wish I could soak him up, absorb him into me, and keep him safe there forever. I turn and quickly run away, trying to get out of there so I don’t wake him with my sobs. It’s so fucking hard to keep my shit together when I’m around him.

The vibration in my pocket has me digging out my phone. It’s Jenna.

“Hey,” I gulp.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just a small meltdown. He’s sleeping and I haven’t even woken him up.”

“Why the tears then?”

“Because I looked at him lying there and …” I’m a hopeless, sobbing mess all over again.

“Shh, it’s okay,” she coos. “It’s going to be fine, Cate.”

In a shaky whisper, I say, “I don’t think it is, Jenna.”

“Cate, get a grip. You have a ton at stake here, particularly that guy inside. Get your shit together.”

I sniff loudly and rub my eyes with my fist. “You’re right. You’re right.”

“He needs your happy face, not some weepy-assed woman in his life right now.”

“I know. I only do this around you.”

“You can cry on my shoulder any day of the week, but if you ever do this in front of him, I will personally kick your ass all the way back to Charleston.”

I rub my face again. “Okay. You can. I may even help you.”

“Now go inside and crawl in bed with that man.”

“But he needs to sleep.”

“Listen to me you dork. He needs you! He needs you to hold him so get in that bed and wrap your arms around him and hug your body close to him. Oh, and stop in the bathroom first to make sure you don’t have raccoon eyes and skanky breath.”

That makes me laugh, and I actually snort. “Okay, boss.”

“Now ‘git’.”

Sneaking in the bathroom, I fix my eyes, removing all signs of the raccoon and then brush my teeth.

Back in the bedroom, I don’t allow myself to have any morbid, weepy thoughts. I undress and slide under the covers, then wind myself around Drew.

He lifts his head and smiles. “Hey, babe. You’re the best thing I’ve seen in ages. God, you feel good.” His arm hugs me tightly to him and holds my head to his chest.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Just wiped out. Otherwise, okay.”