“Shhh,” I say to calm her sobs as I rock back and forth, though it’s also to calm myself from the image I can’t get out of my mind.

I don’t know how much time passes as I stare at the wall, holding her, but she falls asleep. I stand up with her still in my arms and carry her in my room, lay her down, and lie right next to her.

She opens her eyes and looks at me. Mascara is smeared under her bloodshot eyes, and her face is red and puffy.

“I don’t want anyone to know,” she whispers.

“No one will ever hear it from me. Go back to sleep. I’ve got you.”

Tonight, I can’t sleep. Hell, I’m surprised I can breathe. My mind races with thoughts of taking care of her, wanting to take care of her. Thoughts of how the hell she has managed for four years and thoughts of finding that sick fuck who did this to her and tearing him apart limb by limb.

She is in my arms, sobbing, crying, and holding her stomach, and then she falls asleep. She mumbles his name and no, please, and repeats it over and over. Then she says my name. My. Name. I don’t understand it, but I hope in her nightmare I am killing the motherfucker with my bare hands.

When she is quiet, I remember every horrific detail. That story was what made me stop watching the news. I couldn’t handle it. It made a dark time even darker.

***

I look up when she walks out of my room. “I ordered breakfast. Wasn’t sure what you liked so … well …” Fuck, I’m nervous. “I ordered a little bit of everything.”

“Thank you. It really wasn’t necessary, Finn.”

As she walks past me toward her room, I reach out and take her hand.

“Don’t—”

“Don’t what?” I ask, taking her other hand. She doesn’t say anything else. “Forgive me for being a dick last night. I wouldn’t have if—”

“If you knew who I was? If you remembered seeing me dying on TV or the video that went viral on YouTube or the story plastered all over the damn newspapers? That doesn’t work for me, Finn.”

“No,” I half-lie. “If I hadn’t overheard a phone conversation that was none of my damn business.”

She looks at me curiously.

“Was I awful to you at dinner?”

She shakes her head.

“Before dinner?”

“No,” she answers.

“And before that?” I ask, smiling cautiously.

A small smile appears and is gone quickly. “No.”

“Good. Let’s forget the fucking past. It’s ugly and doesn’t make us who we are today or want to be tomorrow, right?”

“You’ll never look at me the same.”

“I can guarantee I will.” I make another promise I can’t break.

“How many times did you watch the video online?”

I shrug. “I was really fucked up back then.”

“Promise me you’ll never watch it again.”

I nod. “Deal.”

“I like French toast without syrup, with strawberries and cinnamon.”

Shit. I didn’t order French toast.

“All right, we can order it up.”

She smiles and looks at the ground. “Promise me that, after the tour, you won’t hate me.”

“Why would you say something like that, Sonya?” I ask, pushing her hair behind her ear.

She shrugs. “Just a gut feeling.”

“That’s a hungry feeling in your tummy, girl. Let me call and order—”

“I was messing with you. You know, I used to be a spoiled, rich—”

I tug her to me and quickly kiss her hard, then pull away.

“Why the fuck would we ruin the here and now with shitty talk about our past?” I kiss her again the same way then pull back. “The here and now feels damn good, Sonya.”

“Yeah, it does.” She looks up, and I can see in her eyes what she wants, so I bow down and give her another kiss. When I pull back, she smiles, a real smile. “Did you order bacon and eggs?”

“Sure did.”

“Good. That sounds really good.”

We pull up to Stereo Live on Richmond Ave in Houston. Outside, there are at least a hundred people lined up, waiting to get in, and it’s only nine o’clock in the morning.

“ ’Da fuck?” Memphis laughs and looks at the guys, his smile beaming. “This is off the hook.” He turns and pulls Tally close to him, kissing her so hard I am pretty sure we can all feel it.

I feel eyes on me, deep brown eyes that are clear today, because when River came in at eight and nodded to the balcony, Finn shook his head.

Finn looks at me. “Gotta eat faster.” Then he glances at River. “Sit and eat, man.”

River’s eyes narrow a bit. The way they look at each other fascinates me. An old-fashioned duel comes to mind. Who will draw first?

“You got pancakes?” River finally asks.

Finn gives a satisfied smile. “With blueberries.”

“Aw, man, I feel the love. You remember,” he says playfully.

Finn smirks. “And Captain Crunch.”

“Fuck, man, I love you. If you and I are single when we’re fifty, I’m gonna marry you.” He walks over and gives him a hug.

“Not gonna happen, fucker. Go eat.”

“You two would make a nice couple,” I say quietly.

“Wow, she’s got jokes,” River says as he walks over, messes up my hair, and sits next to me. “You’re funny.”

“You stupit,” I try to joke.

“Aw, I love her, too.” River chuckles. “Three some?”

Finn sits next to him. “Hell freeze over?”

“Been done a few times, man.” River chuckles.

I feel my face burn. Is that something he would want with me?

“You into that kind of thing, Sonya?” Finn asks.

I look at him, unable to mask the shock. “Um … um …”

River laughs. “Guess not.”

Finn looks at my eyes, my lips, then smirks. “Didn’t think so.”

“I feel mayhem ensuing,” River says as he taps on his knee that hasn’t stopped bouncing since breakfast.

“You’ll be okay, man. Let’s roll.” Finn opens the door with one hand then looks at me. “You ready, little media chick?”

I nod. “Yep.”

Everyone piles out of the limo and the crowd cheers.

I hate crowds. I hate being in the spotlight. Nothing good ever came of it, not for me, anyway.

Finn leans back in. “You good?”

I nod.

“Let’s go.”

When I hesitate, he holds out his hand, and I reach out without thinking, then pull back.

“Not a good idea.” I sigh.

“You have sunglasses in that bag?”

I nod.

“Put ’em on.”

“What?”

“Put ’em on. Works for me.”

I nod again. Then the crowd’s roar makes me almost ill.

“Let’s—” he starts, but Tally pushes past him, interrupting.

“Is he being an ogre?” she asks, looking in.

“No. I just had to find something in my bag.” I pull out my sunglasses and put them on. “I’m ready now.”

“Good. Come on.” Tally’s outstretched hand brings on emotions I wasn’t prepared for. Right now, I am thankful for the glasses for another reason.

I take her hand. It’s warm, feels safe, and I feel so very undeserving of her kindness. I am so undeserving of so much.

Tears heat my eyes as I hurry out of the car. Tally is in front of me, Finn behind me as we bee line it for the doors of Stereo Live.

Walking in, I take in the giant two level club. Straight ahead is a massive stage. Hanging in the background is a screen lit up with the band’s name.

“Can you believe this shit, Tales?” Memphis wraps his arm around her and pulls her into a one-arm hug, then kisses her head. “You ready for this life?”

“I’m ready.”

“That’s my girl.”

They all stop and look at me. This is my deal, my set up with Nickolas DeAngelo, Taelyn, and the radio station.

Pull it together, I tell myself and swallow back the tears.

“So, this is it.” I force a smile. “The first official audition to be the opening act for Steel Total Destruction. Today, you’ll hear thirty musicians, artists, people who want to be just like you. They are all talented and, hopefully, bring their A game for you all to hear and judge who the best match for STD is.” I walk past them, hating their eyes on me. “Over here is the stage. Pretty impressive.”