“You’re scared, I get it.”

“Maybe a little, but I want you to be happy too, Carson.”

He rubs the back of his neck, like he’s in pain. Slowly, he raises his eyes from the floor. “I can’t be happy, Kins. Not until you’re mine.”

I swallow the lump in my throat, hating the sadness in his eyes. “Don’t say that. That’s not true. You can be happy without me.”

“I’ll wait for you, Kins—just like I stayed up waiting for you tonight.”

“I should have called you back when I got your messages. I’m sorry.”

“I was so worried something happened to you.”

“I’m okay, and if I wasn’t, I’d let you know.”

Visibly sighing, his shoulders sag in a mixture of relief and defeat. Still, we’re right back where we started. Nothing’s really changed despite our conversation, and I wonder how many more of these we’re going to end up having.

“I’m not used to this, Kinsley—especially with a person I have to live with.”

“Me either, but we can make it work, okay? Promise me you won’t move out because of me. Kate needs you, too.”

He looks me straight in the eye as he promises, “I won’t leave you.”

Maybe I need it more than he does, but I move closer, letting him wrap me up in the security he’s given me for as long as I can remember. The two people in my life I’ve loved the most left me, but Carson’s never strayed. He moved here to help me—to be with me. And that means more than he’ll ever know. Even if we can’t be together.

I don’t want to blur the lines between us, but I can’t stop either. He’s been my friend longer than he’s been an admirer—and I can’t let that go. I can’t let him go. Tonight I just want my Carson back—the one who let me cry on his shoulder when my mom passed away. The one who took me to funny movies when I hated the world, and the one who let me drink a lot of vodka after my dad left, even holding my hair while I threw up violently in the toilet. That’s who I want right now. Everything else I want to disappear.

“Why do you smell like a heard of buffalo, Kins?”

I laugh against his chest, blinking away the tears that almost fell. “Rhett has a horse. He showed her to me and then we fell asleep on a pile of hay in the barn, watching her.”

“That’s your story?”

“That’s my story,” I giggle.

“Please don’t do it again, okay?”

I nod my head, understanding where he’s coming from. “There hasn’t been anyone other than Wyatt and Kate for a while now, but they’re my brother and sister. They’re supposed to get on my nerves.”

“Are you telling me I’m annoying?”

I let go of him, shaking my head at his ridiculous assumption. “No, I’m not. I’m saying, thank you for having my back.”

“I’ll never stop caring, Kinsley.”

And as much as I need that from him, as much as it soothes my soul to hear those words, it still feels terrible because I can’t give him more.

THE NEXT COUPLE of weeks pass by in a blur. My relationship with Carson has remained strained. Even though we promised to move forward, I still catch him watching me or staring a little too long when he shouldn’t be. But I don’t say a word or give any kind of indication that it bothers me. I let him do what he needs to do because I’ll do anything to avoid another confrontation like our last.

For the most part, he’s been easy going. A couple times we even stayed up late watching movies, eating popcorn, and laughing like we used to do when Wyatt was still here. Those are the times I feel the closest to him, and like we really can manage to live together and be friends.

More than anything, I need the stress free Carson as much as possible. Between school, the diner, and Rhett, I’m constantly being pulled in a million different directions. I’ve been so busy that I’ve been struggling to keep up with all my assignments while still finding time for everyone. In fact, I’ve given up sleep just to keep everyone happy. But this morning, when I almost fell asleep standing up in the shower, I went back to bed. After faking a migraine when both Kate and Carson came to check on me, I bought myself a few more hours of sleep. Carson even brought me some Advil before he left for his own day of school.

Kate thinks I’m spreading myself too thin, and that I’m wearing myself out. At least that’s what she blamed the migraine on. I don’t like lying to either of them, but I don’t have room to complain. Both are holding down jobs, maintaining social lives, and paying bills on time—the same as I am.

Still, once I get a couple hours of rest, I get up, and drag my butt to school. I even sign into the office with a note I hand wrote myself and signed Kate’s name to. The secretary doesn’t question it, and I fall back into my familiar school routine like I didn’t just bag the entire morning on purpose. I timed it so well, I even managed to get to school right at lunch time.

“Congratulations, Kinsley,” a girl in my first period class says, enthusiastically, as she passes me in the hallway.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

“Kinsley West, where have you been all my life,” Becca says, as she shoves a couple books into her locker. “You missed one heck of a morning.”

“Congratulations, Kinsley,” two more girls say, as they pass by on their way to the cafeteria.

Perplexed, I look to Becca for answers. “What’s everyone congratulating me for?”

Becca smiles, looking like she’s about to jump out of her skin. “Had you not been playing hooky, you’d know you were nominated for Homecoming Queen. You’re on the ballot, Kinsley. Can you believe it?”

I lean against my locker, stunned. “No, I can’t. How did I make the court?”

“Who cares how you made it. You made it, that’s all that matters. The dance will be even better now. Plus, you get to walk on the field at halftime.”

“Do I have to do it?”

She stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “I’ll pretend you didn’t say that. Of course you have to do it. We’ll get you a nice business suit for the game, and then you have to find an escort since well, you know. There’s so much we have to do. Oh, and your dress for the dance. You picked one out, right?”

“No, not yet.” I couldn’t go dress shopping the night Becca was going with her mom. On top of the mound of school work I had to finish, I also had to put in a couple hours at the diner.

“Kinsley, the dance is in a couple days. You need to get something as soon as possible. This is a big deal.”

“I don’t have an escort, Becca. I don’t have a father to walk me down the fifty yard line like the other girls. My brother is going to be getting ready for a game the following night, so he won’t be allowed to leave campus, and Rhett’s on the team, so he’s out.”

“There’s gotta be someone who can do it. Maybe my dad can walk you.”

I wave her suggestion off with my hand, dismissing her idea entirely. “No, that’s ridiculous.” There’s only one other person I can think of. Only it’s not going to fly with Rhett—even if he is my only other option. “Maybe Carson can help.”

Mandi picks that exact time to pass by me, snickering at my predicament. “Just give it up, Kinsley. It wasn’t meant to be.”

Becca lunges at her with her history book that weighs at least three pounds raised above her head. “I swear if you don’t shut that trap of yours, Mandi, I’m going to shut it for you,” she threatens.

“Keep talking, little girl,” she says, as she walks farther down the hallway.

After I slam my locker door a little too loudly, Becca lowers the book, and takes a deep breath. “I almost beat her. My god, I was so close to whacking her over the head with my book.”

“It was pretty badass, Becca,” I tease, still laughing at her dazed expression, and how easily she morphed from my sweet, best friend into a lunatic.