“This is what I want, beautiful. You are what I want.”

I’m not wholly satisfied, but I sigh in defeat anyway. The truth is I’m beyond grateful to find him here, solid and loving beside me. And naked. I swing my leg over and straddle him.

He regards me from beneath dark lashes, his expression implacable. “What are you doing?”

A shrug. “You always call me beautiful.”

“Because you are.”

I trace a finger down the center of his chest, the valley that leads to his abs—and lower. “You’re beautiful too, you know that?”

He looks amused. “That so?”

My hands are trembling as they slide over his hips, the same hips that are spreading my knees wide. That’s what he does to me—he opens me up, when I didn’t think I could open up to anyone. When I didn’t think I deserved it or that I was even capable of it. He forced his way in, his love like a goddamn battering ram.

“Beautiful,” I say, aiming for confident. He doesn’t comment on the fact that my voice is barely a breath. Maybe because I lean down and kiss him, right on a dark, flat nipple. He sucks in a breath, and I work my way over the ridges of his abs. “Beautiful,” I whisper without a sound.

His cock is straining for attention, already hard and thick and standing straight up. It’s demanding my attention, but I ignore the command, turning instead to his muscled thighs, working my way inward. He shifts slightly, spreading his legs so I can reach his balls. I lick and tease him until he’s groaning with frustration. “Suck me,” he says, his voice hard. His fist is hard too, where he clasps my shoulder.

I pull away. “Blue.”

His eyes are dark. They promise retribution.

It makes me smile, because I want him to pay me back. I want him to turn the tables. Not yet, not yet. “You’re beautiful, Blue,” I tell him, somber now. “And I love you.”

His eyes narrow. “And?”

“And…I don’t want to have your baby.”

Complete stillness. Not a sound. Oh shit.

“Not yet,” I add quickly. “I do want to start a family with you. Later. I mean, we are a family, you and me, and—”

He stops me with two fingers to my lips. I fall silent.

“You think I’m going to get mad at you,” he says slowly, and it’s not a question. He’s processing, and I’m tense. Because yes, I do think he’s going to get mad. How could he not, when he’s asking me to start a family with him and I’m saying no?

I’m halfway mad at myself for turning that down, but not enough to stop. It’s not enough that Blue thinks I’m generous, that he thinks I’ll make a great mother. I need to find myself, who I am, before I can lose myself to motherhood. I owe that to Blue and to our future child—and to myself.

“And you think,” he continues softly, “that if you say no to something, I’m going to leave?”

“You wouldn’t be the one leaving.”

“No,” he says, comprehending. “You would. And you’ve been kicked out about enough times to get damn tired of it.”

“I’m terrified of it,” I whisper. “It’s not just another house to me. You’re not just another guy.”

“I’m glad to hear that much, because you’re damn sure not just another girl. You’re it. You’ve been it since the goddamn beginning, and I’ll never stop kicking my own ass for walking away.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” I protest.

“We’ll have to agree to disagree. Maybe it got out of hand at the end, but I should have known someone was hurting you. I should have protected you, and there’s not a damn thing you can tell me that will make it untrue.”

I sigh, leaning into him, hands on his chest. Even with my fingers spread wide, they don’t reach all the way to the outside. He’s broad, an island of man. I’m stranded on him, and I never want to leave. “Then you aren’t mad?”

“No, beautiful. I’m mad at myself. Mad at every asshole who ever used and hurt you. Mad that I didn’t make it clear that you could stay on those birth control pills just as long as you want. Forever if you want. Thinking about your belly growing round with my seed makes me hot.”

“I noticed,” I say drily.

“And it will keep on making me hot as long as we talk about it. Or if it’s stressing you out too much, we won’t talk about it. Okay?” He taps my clit, making me jolt. “No more fucking this sweet pussy bareback, talking about my come inside you.”

My face heats. I was a stripper, for God’s sake, but he still has the power to make me blush. “We could maybe do that a little.”

“Absolutely not,” he says, mock sternly. “No more bending you over, forcing my fat cock inside you until you milk me dry, your little cunt clamping down on me, sucking my come deep.”

His words are so coarse. They make me run hot and then cold, and then hot all over again. “Blue,” I moan.

He flips me over, spreading me wide. “And I will definitely not ever,” he says, sliding inside me to the hilt, “never ever, stay home from work just to fuck you all day.”

I groan. “You don’t play fair.”

“That’s right.” He pulls out, and I let loose a sound of frustration. It just makes him laugh, and he moves down my body, placing a kiss on my nipple, on my stomach. He drops kisses down my thighs in a clear parallel to what I did to him, moving inward. The next place for him to go is between my legs.

A shiver racks my body. I’m too sensitive. Too open. “No,” I say, my voice breaking.

His eyes meet mine across my body. “Beautiful,” he murmurs before pressing his lips to my sex. He tells me everything would be okay with every swipe of his tongue. He promises me forever with every graze of his teeth. And for once, I believe him.

For once, I believe I’m enough.

Chapter Fourteen

I pull up at the Grand in late afternoon, cobblestone basking in deep yellow light.

Sometimes I miss working here. Is that crazy?

It had seemed crazy at the time. Or maybe I’d only hoped it was.

After last night, I’m not so sure.

Maybe one day you’ll come back. That’s what Candy told me.

Even that doesn’t seem so crazy anymore. I feel more solid than ever about my relationship—and more uncertain about my future. I didn’t want to rely on Blue forever, even though he’d let me. And anyway, it’s too quiet in our gorgeous, expensive condo, especially after the overflowing foster homes and then working at the Grand. I’d grown accustomed to people. Having West around reminded me of that.

Hell, I even liked people. Liked dancing with them, liked flirting with them. Except for the worst of the clients, the kind Blue and his security team would throw out of the club, I had liked stripping.

I don’t really want to start stripping again. It will only stress Blue out, and God, it would stress me out too. It was a desperate job, a desperate club. It seems even more desperate now, everything out of place, doors spread wide.

Something is wrong.

Those front doors open, a gaping hole into the club. I can see dust motes glittering in the air. And nothing else. No bouncers, no deliverymen carrying things in.

No reason the doors would be open that way.

My heart pounds.

Blue rounds the corner. His face is set in hard, stern lines, but he stops short when he sees me. “What are you doing here?”

I wave to my car uselessly. “I came to visit Candy.”

Something flickers in his eyes—worry? “Go home.”

Panic filters through my chest. Candy always liked playing with danger, drinking and shooting up. And most of all, toying with the club’s dangerous owner, Ivan. He has way too many ties to the criminal undercurrent in Tanglewood, and for all Candy’s polished perversity, I worry that he’d end up hurting her.

“What happened?”

Blue’s lips press together, and I think he might not tell me. Whatever’s happened at the club, I’ll find out eventually. I’m too deep in it, too invested not to know. I can’t wait to find out from someone else, and I sure as hell can’t go home now. “Tell me, please.”