“So,” he said into the phone his guard held to his ear.

The goon tried to pick up his phone but one of his hands was nothing but a metal hook. He struggled with the receiver and it fell out of his steel claw seven times before Heathcliff lost his patience.

“Use the other hand, you fool!”

The phone was attached to a plastic chord that was very short. To wrap it around to his other ear the goon nearly had to strangle himself.

“What do you want?” Heathcliff barked but suddenly wished he could take it back. The goon had a reputation as a man who liked to break bones. Heathcliff suddenly worried that the thick glass between them might not be thick enough.

“I got good news fer ya, boss.”

“Tell me you’re going to get me out of here,” Heathcliff begged. He was so excited the phone fell from his shoulder on to the desk. The guard stared at it indifferently. Heathcliff leaned over so that his ear was near the receiver.

The goon shook his head. “Can’t do it, boss. This place is tighter than a drum. They’ve got guards guarding the guards. Never seen anything like it. You know they only put the most dangerous screwballs in here.” The goon paused. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say you was a screwball.”

“If you can’t free me, how could anything you’ve come to say be considered good news?”

“I delivered the present.”

“The present? What are you talking about?”

“The box and the letter! Ya know, the one you gave me in case of dire consequences. You said to give it to Gertrude Baker if you ever got arrested. Her mom moved her to Ohio but I got it to her.”

Heathcliff grinned as he remembered. “If I wasn’t in a straitjacket, I would hug you! Good news, indeed. Do you know what was in the box and the letter?”

The goon shook his head. “As a goon, I take my employer’s privacy very serious. It’s sort of an unwritten rule of the profession.”

“Well, you would have hardly understood it, but that present will destroy the world.”

“How is that good news, boss?” the goon said.

“Because if Gerdie Baker is as smart as I remember, she’s going to build a machine so dangerous they’ll be forced to let me out so I can stop her. Screwball will soon be free!”

“Screwball? I thought you were calling yourself Simon.”

“If the world thinks I’m crazy, who am I to argue?” Screwball said, then a sudden giggling fit came over him. It went on and on.

“Wow, boss, that laugh is creepy,” the goon said.

“You like it?” Screwball asked. “I’ve been working on it for a while. I think it has the right combination of foreboding and madness. New name! New laugh! New doomsday plot to destroy the world!”

Then he laughed again.

“Real creepy, boss.”

ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW?

GOOD! GET OUTTA HERE!