I adjusted my clothes once Sam moved aside to let me pass. “See,” I told him. He merely shrugged, and I knew he’d do it again if he thought it was what the guys wanted.

As I trudged past him, I noticed Matt slap Kellan’s shoulder in a gesture of Why did you invite him down here? Kellan ignored him and kept his eyes on me. When I was close enough, he lifted his hand in greeting. “Griff, it’s good to see you. I’m glad you came down.” By the twist of his lips, I knew what he really meant was, I’m glad you listened to my wife.

Slightly uncomfortable now that I was directly in front of them, I scratched my head. “Yeah…well…I couldn’t let this opportunity go by without trying, you know?”

Matt’s face darkened. “Opportunity? Do you have any idea how shitty the last year has been? Do you even care?”

Swallowing, I debated how honest I should be. Then I realized the only thing I had left was honesty. “No, I really didn’t know how hard it had been on you guys…and no, I really didn’t care. All I cared about was getting what I thought I deserved…and I ended up pushing everyone who meant a damn away from me. I was a selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, diva, asshole, creep, moron…and I’m so sorry.”

The guys were all staring at me in shock. I usually never admitted when I was being an idiot. Typically, I wrapped my I’m awesome mantra around me like armor. And I knew why…admitting I was flawed fucking sucked. I’d rather be doing just about anything other than telling the guys what I was telling them, but that would only get me stuck in the same dark pit I’d been stuck in for the last few weeks. No, I’d be stuck in an even worse pit, since I’d just kissed my job goodbye by moving forward in the competition. I had nothing to fall back on.

Matt regained his composure before the other two. “Do you think you’ll go farther if you butter us up?” he asked, his expression suspicious.

Shaking my head, I told him, “No. I don’t expect anything from any of you, I just…I fucked up, and I wanted to apologize for it…even if it is too late to change anything.”

I turned, prepared to walk away, but Kellan put a hand on my shoulder. “I accept your apology,” he stated. “Good luck in the show.”

“Thanks,” I said, then I gave him a brief one-armed hug. I’d known that Kellan was the least angry of the three, but I felt a little better after hearing him accept me.

Evan sighed, then extended his hand. “What you did gave new meaning to the word ‘jackass’…but I forgive you too. Good luck, man.”

I shook his hand, feeling even better. Matt was glaring at me, so I figured I wouldn’t get very far with him. I’d been expecting that though, so I just nodded, to let him know I understood why he couldn’t say the words.

I was halfway up the aisle leading out of the auditorium when I heard him curse and say my name. “Wait.”

Pausing, I watched in surprise as he jogged over to me. When he was in front of me, he shoved his hands in his front pockets and stared at me for a second. “Look, I can’t forgive what you did like the others, but…I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

My jaw dropped. The last thing I’d expected from him was an apology. He twisted his lips as he took in my expression. “I’ll admit, I was a dick when you left. I was just…mad, and hurt. I felt betrayed. The way you left…you may not have needed us, but we needed you, Griffin. You screwed us, big-time, and you didn’t even care. And that fucking hurt.”

Nodding, I studied my feet. “I know, and I’m sorry.” Looking back up, I told him, “I was wrong, about so many things. I do need you guys. Even if I’m not in the band anymore…I need you guys. You’re my family…all of you.”

Matt silently stared at me for a moment, then clapped my shoulder. “Good luck in the show, Griffin.”

My smile was huge as I nodded. “Thanks.” He started to turn away to rejoin the guys, and I grabbed his elbow. Matt bristled a little, and I released him. We were slowly mending things, but we weren’t entirely on good terms yet. “Have you seen Anna? Is she…is she doing okay?”

Matt opened his mouth, then closed it and looked over at Kellan. With a frown, he returned his eyes to me. “You should call her,” was all he said. I had no idea what that might mean, and a spike of fear went up my spine.

“Yeah, okay…thanks.”

He clapped my shoulder, then trotted off. I left the theater in a daze, Matt’s words ringing through my brain. You should call her. And once I got back to my shrine of a bedroom, that was exactly what I did.

Well, that was what I did after I stared at my phone for forty minutes while family members banged on my door wanting to congratulate me. The entire house was in party mode, with loud music, lots of chatter, and enough food to choke a horse. There was so much noise that even with my door closed, I could barely hear myself think. It wasn’t exactly the ideal situation to try to reconnect with my wife, but if I waited for the perfect moment, it might not ever happen.

Knowing I just needed to be a man and do it, I dialed her number. Anna had been sporadic on answering her cell phone when I’d called her in the past, but this time, if she didn’t, I would leave a message. From here on out, I would always leave a message. She was the girl of my dreams, and I wasn’t going to give her up without a fight.

Surprising me, she picked up on the third ring. “Hello?” she sniffled, like she’d been crying. Fuck. Was that because of me?

“Hey…it’s me…Griffin.”

A small laugh escaped her. “I know it’s you. I know your number.”

Duh. Right. “I was just calling to see if you were okay. I saw Matt today and he said…” Not knowing where to go with that, my voice trailed off.

Anna was silent for a few seconds, then said, “You saw Matt? Where?”

Smiling, I told her everything about the auditions, from Kiera coming down to tell me about them, to the disguise Liam had cooked up, to how nervous I’d been. “I was sure the guys were gonna say no…but they moved me to the next round. I think I’ve got a good shot to get on the show…to get my job back.”

She let out a small sigh. “That’s great, Griffin. I’m really happy for you.”

A distance seemed to stand between us as her end of the line went silent. “Anna…I can’t do this without you. Even if you’re in Seattle, and I’m down here, I need your help, your support. You’re my best friend…I need you.”

She sniffled again. “You’re my best friend too, Griffin. I think that’s what makes this so hard…”

I didn’t want to know what she meant by “this.” Separation…or divorce? Instead of asking her to clarify, I asked, “Did you get my letter?”

There was a long pause, then she quietly said, “Yes…You love me? Just straight-up love me?”

I smiled, remembering back to her complaining that I never told her those words. God, what a stubborn idiot I was. “Yes, I love you. I think I’ve always loved you, even when it freaked me out to love you.”

She laughed. “Yeah.” After another pause, she said, “Okay, Griffin. I’ll be your support, I’ll be your friend. But that doesn’t mean we’re suddenly fine. You hurt me. You…betrayed me. That’s not something I can just get over. Understand?”

“Yeah…I understand.” You need time. I’ll give you all the time you need, because all I really need is you.

Chapter 25

A Chance

The next two weeks were brutal, and I called Anna so frequently, she started answering the phone with “Just breathe. You’re doing great, you’ll get through this. One step at a time.” It helped, but only until the next panic attack set in. The show was culling the herd. Massive cuts were happening left and right as the hundreds from across the country who had been allowed to the final round in L.A. were whittled down to the twenty who would make it to the televised broadcast. Those lucky twenty were the ones the fans would vote on to be the next…well, me. And every day I wasn’t sure if I was going to be moving forward or going home.