“Shhh, angel. I know you didn’t, but now isn’t the time for us to talk about this. I need you to sleep, angel face. We have the rest of our lives to figure shit out, but tonight is just for rest. Sleep, baby.” Dani uncontrollably sobs into her pillow for several minutes before her tears turn into quiet snores. Her body rattles as she rapidly sucks in air between her crying outbursts. She blames herself for this, but I know the truth. It was me, and I’m planning to spend every single day making it up to her. “You’re safe, baby. I’ll never let anything else happen to you from this day on.” Cradling her body tighter, I close my eyes and force my body to relax against hers.

She may not have been awake to hear me, but I mean every damn word of it. I love her, and I will die to protect her, even if it means I have to let her go.

“I love you, Dani,” I whisper into the dark night before falling asleep myself.

The first few days I’ve been back at the clubhouse have been a blur between pain-medicine-induced comas and visitors. Hero banned nearly everyone from my room but after arguing with him, he finally let Slider visit followed soon by the rest of the guys. He still hovers when they’re with me to the point I had to ask Raze to keep him occupied today so I could have time to myself. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what he did for me. Murdering the man who was about to plunge a knife into my belly and rape me was the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me, but I need time to process the shit that happened.

For the first time in my life, I’m free from every tie that bound me to the Earth. I can do everything I’ve ever wanted to do without a single person to hold me back. Well, that’s not exactly true with Hero, but I liked to think about the possibilities. Nightmares of my time in Mikey’s cabin of pain—as I have decided to call it—have changed me. Being threatened and beaten would do that to any weak minded person but for me, my time there was empowering in a way. I was helpless for the first time in my life yet I survived the struggle. I fucking survived, and he died with a bullet ricocheting around his brain. The last thing he saw when he died was my weak body beneath him. His blood painted my skin, but it soaked into my soul. It seeped into my pores and empowered me to take the life I wanted for myself. Scared and helpless Dani died that day and like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the new fearless Dani was born. This new version of me is still trying to find her footing in this new world, but there’s always going to be a constant anchor to stay. Hero.

I’ve relived every single moment with Mikey for the last few nights as I thrash in my sleep, but Hero wraps me into his arms and brings me back into safe reality. Mikey is dead, and Hero and Raze have reassured me his body will never be found. I know in my heart he’s truly gone, but my brain can’t seem to shake the thought he is still lurking around every dark corner, watching me. Shit like this takes time, and that’s what I need to give myself. I need to heal mentally, physically, and spiritually. I won’t let Mikey haunt me for the rest of my life and I’m determined to win this last battle with his ghostly memory.

Hero has been my saving grace throughout all of this, but my brain still condemns him for not fighting for me. I understand his reasoning, but at the same time I resent his inaction. He knows letting me go out of mistrust and fear was the worst thing he’s ever done in his life and I can see the guilt and pain fill his hollow eyes after every nightmare. I know he blames himself for what happened to me, but in reality, the blame lies on us both. I lied to him and continued to do so the entire time I was here. Had I opened up to him, I would have been protected, but I would have been indebted to the club. I didn’t want that for them or for me. Hero and my relationship started out of lies and convenience for me, but what we had as two individuals who came together in a shitty situation was transcendent. I know that I need to work through my issues first before I pile on our rocky start into the mix, and he understands that. He’s patient with me and hasn’t pushed me to talk unless I initiate the conversation. I know he’s dying to know where we stand, but I can’t give him an answer until I know the answer myself. That, amongst my other reasons, is why I had to have time for myself.

I know Hero was pissed that Raze ordered him to go on a protection run for a local celebrity, but I needed time for me and to talk to Raze. I hadn’t felt up to telling him about Maj’s treachery to his club or me. I had to come to terms with the fact I would be signing the order to kill her, or in the least be kicked out of the club and Raze’s life. After lying awake most of the night, internally debating about it, I decided that today would be the day. He needed to know that the woman warming his bed was a fucking traitor. It would be revenge for me, but for Raze it would something else completely.

A soft knock raps on Hero’s door as Raze steps through the doorway.

“Hey, dollface, how are you feeling today?” he asks, carrying a vase of lilies. That’s the one thing I seem to have an abundance of since my return. Flowers and tears. I thought for sure Hero would complain about his room becoming a showroom for a florist, but he hasn’t said a word. It’s nice to wake up to these delicate and beautiful blossoms, and to watch the light creep across their petals during sunrise. Their soft and subtle fragrance has permeated the room, which Hero has bitched about. Apparently flowers aren’t a manly scent. I answered him the only way I knew how. I told him to go fuck himself. The flowers are mine, and they are staying. He, on the other hand, was more than welcome to relocate somewhere else.

Raze sits the vase next to me on the side table as he sits on the side of the bed. “Same old, same old, Raze. Busted leg and an overprotective and hovering Hero. Thanks for getting me some alone time today.” His hand grasps mine as he caresses it with a thumb. His calloused hands are rough against mine, but I just don’t care. I need the feel of his touch to reassure me of what I’m about to do.

“I heard through the grapevine that you wanted to talk to me while Hero was out. Is that knucklehead bothering you, Dani? I can send him out on a longer run if you need me to do that. It would do him some good I think to clear his mind on the road, but we both know he won’t leave you without a fight.”

A smile breaks across my face with the thought of Raze sending Hero out. “We both know he’d defy you if you ordered that anyway. It’s not him I need to talk to you about, Raze. It’s about something Mikey said in the cabin.”

He squeezes my hand at the mention of him. It’s likely a knee-jerk reaction from him, but it’s comforting.

“What about that cocksucker? You know you’re safe here, doll. Voodoo took care of your missing person’s report. No one is looking for you now.”

“I know I am, Raze. I need to thank Voodoo properly for everything he’s done. Without him, I’d be dead in that cabin.”

“We’d have found you, Dani. Do not for one second think we wouldn’t have torn this state apart to find you.”

“I know, Raze. I just need to tell you—,” I say hesitantly. Raze scoots closer to me on the bed and caresses my hand again.

“What is it, Dani? What is so important that you need to tell me alone? Why are you hesitating with me, doll? You know you can confide in me about anything.”

Tears well in my eyes as the words flow from my mouth. “I don’t know how to fucking say this, Raze, because it will change everything. Everyone will be affected by it, but it will hit you the hardest.” Sighing deeply, I force myself to reveal my horrendous secret.

“Mikey didn’t just track me down. Maj told him where I was. He had a bounty set on my head and she called in to collect it. I was found because of your wife.”