I was a head case, for sure.

I brushed my teeth and opened the bathroom door, refusing to think one more second about Johnny ever again. I’d thrown up enough over the last week.

Natalie stood in the kitchen when I walked in, pouring creamer into her coffee. “Bex,” she said in her serious voice. Uh oh. What had I done now? I hadn’t meant to slam the door.

“Yes,” I said, grabbing a coffee cup and pouring the hot liquid in. I brought it to my lips, the smell of it making my stomach roil again. Fuck.

“Did you just throw up again?”

I’d decided to chill the hell out with my band after Natalie kind of put me in check. It was none of their faults that I’d been a fool and let Johnny in, so since we’d been home I’d been nicer. Mostly.

“Are you writing a fucking book?” Ok, I was still a bitch.

Natalie sipped her coffee for a moment. “Bex, don’t fucking give me an attitude. I need to ask you something serious.”

I bit back a nasty response, knowing Natalie was like the sister I never had and truly cared for me. “Okay.”

“When was the last time you had your period?”

My mouth dried out and my heart started pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears. My mind raced a million miles an hour. Holy fucking shit.

When was the last time I had my period? I had the shot, so I didn’t get it too often. I stood, my chest constricting painfully. I fought to breathe.

“Breathe.” Natalie appeared next to me, her hand on my back. “Bex. I think we need to make an appointment with the doctor.”

I heard the words she was saying, but all I could think was how epically I’d fucked up. Again.

Natalie sat next to me in the small waiting room. I’d been here many times for my yearly exam and my shots, but this was different. She’d worked her magic and gotten me in quickly.

I was in denial.

She’d bought me home tests, but I’d refused to take them. I couldn’t.

Thoughts of Johnny had kept me from sleeping one wink last night.

What the hell would I do if I was pregnant? Would I tell him?

No.

My baby didn’t deserve a drug dealer for a father. One that had gotten out of serving his punishment.

I’d do it alone. Just like I was going to do with Gibson back when I was still a kid myself. This time, I was better prepared. I had my own career and money.

“Bexley Bryant?” I stood, on autopilot, and followed the nurse through the door. They weighed me and had me pee in a cup before drawing some blood.

“Wait right in here,” she said, ushering us into an exam room. “I’ll be back in a few minutes to give you the results, and we’ll go from there.”

We sat silently for what seemed like forever, my stomach churning and my head spinning.

“Are you going to tell him?” Natalie just couldn’t sit quietly.

“Shut up, Natalie.”

“He deserves to know.”

She was pushing me. “I don’t even know anything yet. Could you shut up?”

“You know, otherwise you’d have taken those tests. You don’t want to know the answer because you already know.”

I did already know. I remembered what it was like when I was pregnant with Gibson and had no idea what to expect. I’d felt the same way I’d felt for the last few weeks.

Sighing, I scrubbed my face with my hands. How in the fuck did I get myself into this? Oh, right. Mind blowing sex multiple times a day with the hottest guy I’d ever known. So much for the shot. Fucking failure. This was the result of me being a goddamn idiot and fucking him without condoms so I could feel his skin against mine. I closed my eyes as the memories flooded my head.

The door swung open and the nurse wheeled a cart into the room. Natalie and I watched in silence. I knew what that meant. I’d been down this road before. It was an ultrasound machine.

The nurse must’ve seen the panicked look on my face. “Bexley, the test was confirmed. You’re definitely pregnant. We’re going to do a vaginal ultrasound to see how far along you are. I take it this wasn’t planned?”

I shook my head, tears threatening behind my eyes. No. I wouldn’t cry.

“You’ll meet with the Family Planner before you leave today. She’ll give you options if you want them, as well as vitamins and literature to look over.” She flipped through my chart. “I see this is your second pregnancy.”

Please don’t say it, I begged her in my head. Don’t say, ‘your first ended in stillbirth.’ I’m not strong enough to hear that today.

“Yes,” I finally managed.

She didn’t say anything else as she set up the machine. “I’m going to get the doctor. I’ll be right back.”

I felt like my head was floating above my body as Natalie held my hand while they guided the wand into my vagina. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I was stronger than the need to cry. I was Bexley Fucking Bryant.

“Here’s your baby,” the doctor said, pointing out a small blob on the screen. “He or she is measuring just about six weeks. Everything looks great. I’ll print some pictures for you. The nurse said you’ve been nauseous?”

I nodded, my eyes transfixed on the small blob on the screen. Ten years ago, I’d been in a similar room hearing I was going to be a mom for the first time. I watched as the tiny heartbeat blipped on the screen.

This was my baby.

I would die before I let anything happen to him or her.

“You let me know if it doesn’t start getting better once you hit the second trimester or if you can’t keep anything down, and we’ll give you some anti-nausea meds.”

He withdrew the wand and the screen went blank. My hand went immediately to my stomach, and my eyes met Natalie’s. The tears I had refused to shed were now streaming down her face.

“You’re going to be a mom again,” she whispered.

“Do you have any questions?” the doctor asked. “I’d like to see you back next month. On your way out, stop and see Lidia in the Family Planning office. She’ll hook you up with some goodies.”

When I didn’t have any questions, still too stunned to speak, he and the nurse left me to get dressed. I stood in front of the mirror in the small dressing area, my finger running along the scar on my lower abdomen.

Had I wanted this? No. Would I do it better this time? Yes. One thousand percent, yes.

“Congratulations,” Lidia, the Family Planner, said to me. She handed me a baggie with what looked like coupons and samples. “In your bag are some samples of prenatal vitamins. Try them and tell the doctor next time you come in which one you like, and he’ll write you a script. In the meantime, if you have any questions, feel free to call me.”

“Thank you,” I said so softly I wondered if she heard me.

Natalie opened the door to the small office and we both stepped out. I hadn’t taken two steps before another door opened and a couple came out.

“Bex?” My head snapped up as I heard my name.

I couldn’t contain the gasp that came from my lips. It was Julia with a good-looking man who must be her husband. Her eyes went right to the bag, and her eyes widened as she realized what I was carrying. I put the bag behind my back like I could hide it from her. She was carrying the same damn bag. That must mean . . . she was pregnant? Again?

I smiled thinly, refusing to acknowledge her. I picked up the pace and Natalie walked faster, looking back at Julia. She had no idea who she was, of course.

“Bex!” It was Julia, and she was quickly gaining on me. There was no way I was getting out of here without one of us causing a scene, so I stopped.

“Yes?”

“What are you doing here?”

“It’s a doctor’s office, Julia. I’m pretty sure it’s against HIPAA rules to ask me that.”

Anger flashed across her pretty features. Her husband looked at me, confused. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”