Serious? Just the word made my heart start racing. “N-no. We aren’t serious at all.”

Julia pursed her lips, her eyes never leaving mine. “I call bullshit.”

Well then. She didn’t mince words, either. Must be a family trait. “Excuse me?”

Julia smiled. “Do you know he used to play?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Has he played for you?”

“No. He says he can’t.”

Julia nodded, a sad look flitting over her face. “Are you in love with him?”

I sucked in a breath. Love? I didn’t know what the word even meant in the case of a man and a woman. I’d never been in love before. Well, I had, but not in the same way. But the pain of that love had been ripped out of me and buried, never to be seen again. “It’s not like that with us. I don’t love anyone.”

“Not even yourself.” What was this woman, a shrink? Anger started bubbling up inside of me. What the fuck was her game here? What did she want from me?

“Julia,” I said, pushing myself to standing. “It’s been very nice to meet you, but I have to go.”

She stood with me, holding Calia tightly to her body. The urge to feel that soft baby skin in my arms almost overtook me. “I’m sorry. I know I overstepped. I just want my brother to be happy. I know what his normal arrangement is . . . but I don’t think you’re it. I can tell you both have a lot to work through, but I think you both feel more than you’re willing to admit. Think about that, Bex. Johnny deserves someone who loves him and shows him what life—and love—is all about.”

I smiled thinly, the urge to sprint to the door almost overtaking me. I didn’t love him. I wasn’t the one to show him those things.

Then why did I want more than anything for him to wake up and go with me right now?

“Are you okay?” Ryver hardly ever dared to ask me that question, but I guessed the amount of brooding looks and snappy responses to questions had clued him in that something was up.

“I’m fucking fine,” I spat.

He held up his hands. “You don’t seem ‘fucking fine’ to me, so don’t be a bitch.”

I rolled my eyes, looking one more time out the huge front window to see if Johnny’s bike was coming down the road. He knew our bus was being loaded at the studio. I don’t know why I kept looking because he wasn’t coming. I was the stupid one that had asked a man I’d essentially just met—but had fucked more times than I could count—to go on tour with me.

You’re a moron, Bexley Bryant. Why did you put yourself out there like that? Haven’t you learned that it gets you nowhere? This is why you aren’t cut out to want more than just a roll in the sheets.

Natalie stepped onto the bus. “We’re all set. The equipment is all loaded. We ready, Bex?”

I lifted my eyes to hers. No, I wasn’t ready. I was all fucked up in the head. I took a deep breath and forced thoughts of Johnny out of my head. I was going on tour. My life dream was coming true, and I was sitting here sulking over a man. A hot as fuck man who had wormed his way into too many of my thoughts. It had to stop. Right fucking now.

I’d find someone else to fill the void and silence the voices in my head when we got to Atlanta. There had to be plenty of guys there that would show me a good time and then walk out the door.

That was the plan. “Let’s rock this,” I said to Natalie. She smiled and high-fived me.

Ryver, noticing the switch in my demeanor, fist bumped me and then smacked his hand on the table. “We’re fucking doing this! Jaded Regret is going on tour with Halestorm!”

The five of us cheered. I didn’t need Johnny. Everything I needed was right here; right now.

“Stop! Stop pushing RIGHT NOW!” The nurse screamed so loud my eyes widened. All of a sudden the room was a flurry of activity. They were spewing medical jargon I didn’t understand.

Tears fell from my eyes. “What’s happening?” I was seventeen years old. It was bad enough that I was here in the first place. Now what?

“We’re taking you in for an emergency C-section. The baby is in distress. You. Cannot. Push. Do you hear me?” The look on her face made me scared shitless. Despite the way this baby came into my life, he or she was the only family I had.

I nodded. Natalie and Beau each squeezed one of my hands as they rushed me down the hallway on the bed that just seconds ago I thought I was going to give birth to my baby in. They were saying something, but I couldn’t understand them.

The last thing I remembered was a mask going over my face to knock me out.

I blinked open my eyes. I could feel the vibration of the bus on the road underneath me. I hadn’t had that dream in a long time. Thank God I’d woken up before the rest of it. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood, automatically checking my phone. Nothing from Johnny.

Why did I care? It was just the way I wanted it. I’d had mind blowing, epic sex with a hot guy for a few weeks and then we’d both let it go and moved on. You know you’re full of shit.

Sighing, I opened the small door to the only bedroom on the bus and went into the miniscule bathroom. I could hear the soft snores of the guys in the bunks along the hallway. The light was on in the front part of the bus, and I could see Natalie on her laptop. The girl was always working.

I stood at the sink and lowered my shorts. My eyes immediately zeroed in on the tattoo I’d had done along my scar. Not so I couldn’t see it, but so I could remember it after the scar was gone. It was just a little line now, barely visible through the tattoo unless you looked closely. Running my fingers along the slim line, I allowed myself a rare moment to think about the what-ifs. What if he hadn’t died that day? What if they would’ve realized a little sooner that he wasn’t okay? What if I’d never been raped? What if I had a ten year old right now?

What if. What if. What if.

Familiar emotion filled me as I remembered Julia holding Calia. I’d gotten to hold Gibson Bryant for just a few minutes, but his body hadn’t been warm. I remembered the way his soft skin was just a little too cold; his lips too blue. His perfect face had been relaxed like he was sleeping, but I knew no amount of rousing would wake him. He was lost in an eternal slumber. It was all my fault. I killed him.

Just like my mother.

I killed everything that got close to me.

It was a good thing that Johnny hadn’t come with me. I didn’t need to taint his life with mine. It was obvious he had enough shit on his own. I was nothing but poison. It was a wonder that this band was still intact with me as its leader.

I flipped the light off and went back to my room. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon. We’d been on the road for a few hours now and I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping anymore. I took my guitar out of the small closet and began strumming softly, humming the words to Broken. I couldn’t believe I’d sung that for Johnny. I was a moron. When was I going to learn?

It was then that I saw a small piece of paper on the floor. I stood and picked it up.

STAY AWAY FROM HIM OR ELSE.

What the hell kind of message was that? I stared at the letters again. Who was it to? I flipped it over, but there was nothing on the other side. Strange. Natalie had rented this bus for our trip. We certainly weren’t successful enough to have our own yet. Anyone could’ve left that in the closet.

I crumpled it up and threw it in the corner of the small room and went back to strumming the guitar, my thoughts on a tall, dark, seriously fuckable man that I wanted more than I should.