He took one arm from around me and used his hand to lift my chin, so I was looking at him. He smoothed back the hair that was sticking to my cheek, the movement so tender it made me gasp. His eyes searched mine, not saying a word. I felt the pressure in my chest lift a little at a time until I felt controlled again.

His eyes flitted to my lips and then back to my eyes. Leaning in, he pressed a soft kiss to my trembling lips. There was nothing sexual or controlling about his kiss this time. It was the most tender touch I had ever felt. His breath floated over me as he pulled back slightly, running his thumb along my bottom lip as he looked me in the eyes.

I was frozen, not sure what to do. The panic had subsided, but now another foreign feeling I didn’t like was settling into my chest. Johnny kissed me softly again. No tongues, nothing sexual. It was . . . comfort. Understanding. Acceptance. He was telling me with his lips what he couldn’t say in words, knowing it would upset me.

I felt the sting of emotion behind my eyes again, but I refused to let it come. I hadn’t cried in ten years, since the day I’d put him in the ground. I sure as shit wasn’t starting now. I didn’t care for Johnny. I couldn’t. He was a great distraction and a fantastic lover. That was it.

Johnny

I had no idea what had gotten into me, but as I held Bex on my lap, feeling her body relax under my touch and kiss, I didn’t want to stop whatever it was. Seeing her like that, panicking and on the verge of losing it had done something to me. I knew what she was feeling. I may not know why, but I knew the feeling nonetheless.

I wouldn’t ask her because I didn’t want to talk about it, either. If she wanted to tell me something, she would. I’d told her there was more to us than just sex. I knew that was right, but it also scared me to death. What the hell did that mean? Her panic had started after I’d said she was being real with me.

Bex didn’t even have to explain why that had made her panic. I already knew. She was putting on a front. The angry, I-don’t-give-a-shit woman that she portrayed to everyone wasn’t her. Now that I knew that, she was upset about it. I saw through her, and it scared her shitless.

“Why?” Her voice was barely a whisper. Her large eyes were wide open like I could see straight through to her soul. As much as she wanted to hide from me, she couldn’t.

“Why what, Bex?” I kept my voice low as to not scare her out of talking to me. What was happening to me right now? The last time I’d sat on a bed with someone like this had been with Jill. The thought of that made my own panic rise up in my chest, but I forced it back. This was not the time. She needed me, and for some strange reason I wanted to be the one there for her.

“Why are you here? Why don’t you run out the door? This is just sex, right? So why do you care about me?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, being transparent with someone for once. “But I do.”

She shook her head as if trying to rid those words from her brain. “You shouldn’t.”

“Why is that?”

“I’m no good. I’ll just make you wish you never met me.”

It was my turn to shake my head. “I don’t think so.”

“You don’t know me,” she whispered. Whatever had happened to her it couldn’t be any harder to swallow than the things I’d done or seen. Not that I was going to offer that information.

“I know you’re a fantastic singer who is about to live her dream going on tour with one of the hugest bands in rock, but you’re also nervous because you’ve wanted this for so long you don’t want anything to screw it up. I also know that you’re sexy, fantastic in bed, and put on a front that you’re bitchy.”

“I am bitchy,” she said.

“I don’t think that’s true. I think you’ve acted that way for so long you don’t even remember that it’s not part of you.”

“So are you saying you aren’t really a dick?”

I laughed. “No, I am a dick.”

She smiled. God I loved when she did that. “I don’t believe you, either. I think you put on a front, too. You have this whole bad boy vibe going on, and you like that people think that about you. It keeps people too intimidated to try to get to know you.”

I tried to form the argument, but the words died on my lips. The urge to flee came just as quickly as I pushed it away. No. I wasn’t leaving.

“I’m not good for you,” I said in response.

“And I’m not good for you,” she said back. We stared at each other for a few moments, both of us lost in the pain of who we were.

“I want to see you,” I said before I could think about the words coming out of my mouth. My heart sped up, and now I really wanted to run. What was I doing?

“You’re seeing me right now. A whole lot of me.” Bex wiggled her eyebrows. I knew what she was doing. I was the master of it.

“I do that, too,” I said. “Deflect. Make a funny or sexual comment to keep people from reading too much into me.”

“What do you want with me, Johnny? I’m not the forever kind of girl.”

“I don’t want a forever girl,” I said. “You’re here just this week. Let’s hang out. Be friends.”

“I’m not a good friend,” Bex argued. “Just ask Beau and Natalie. I’m a bitch on a good day.”

“Bex,” I said. “I don’t have any friends. Any. I’m not sure I even know how to have a friend.”

“So let’s just call this what it is,” she said. “You want to fuck me for the next week until I leave, and I’m totally up for that. Let’s just be honest and not sugar coat it with wanting to be friends.”

I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her to me, wrapping my lips over hers. She responded immediately, her tongue caressing mine as my body awoke again. I reached between us and caressed her. “Time to make it eleven?”

She groaned. “I’m going to die.”

“Friends with benefits,” I said against her lips. “Great benefits.”

I strapped the helmet on my head, looking back at Bex’s window. After another round, she’d agreed to see me again. The problem was, I had no idea what that even meant. Obviously sex with her was out of this world, but that wasn’t what I seemed to be asking.

Sighing, I straddled the bike and revved the engine. The sun was just coming up over the horizon. Once again, I hadn’t slept. I was going to Julia’s to sleep like the dead until later. I’d asked Bex if I could watch their rehearsal and she’d agreed. She might’ve only mumbled ‘mmm hmm’ after I’d given her O #9, but she did tell me where they practiced.

I planned on making good use of her rehearsal space later after everyone was gone.

But first, sleep.

I lifted the small compartment on the bike to slide my phone inside it when I saw a folded piece of paper inside. Frowning, I unfolded it. Block handwriting was written across the middle of the page.

I SEE YOU . . . AND HER

I looked around, knowing I wasn’t going to see someone hanging out waving and saying ‘Hey, I wrote the letter.’ Then again, it could’ve been there from the bar last night, since Bex had driven home, and I hadn’t opened the compartment. What the hell kind of message was that? ‘I see you . . . and her?’

I crumpled it up and shoved it back inside, pulling down the road. It was probably some jealous asshole that saw me with her or Stephanie before that. Who the hell knew. What kind of idiot left a note anyway? What was I supposed to do, shake in my boots? If they saw us, they got quite a show. I’m no exhibitionist but hell . . . if you want to watch, that’s your deal.

Stephanie. I’d left the bar without a second glance at her, and she’d probably been looking for me afterwards. Now I felt like a tool. I’d been an asshole because I was just going to use her for the night to get my mind off of Bex. Whatever, she knew nothing was going to go beyond sex anyway.