She laughs and rolls her eyes at me, something that has suddenly become one of my favorite things to see.

“I accept your apology, but you owe me,” she threatens, jabbing her finger into my chest. “I had to get my fake pregnancy confirmed at the doctor.”

My eyes widen in shock, wondering how in the hell she pulled that off.

“So I’m guessing somewhere in town there’s a roofied doctor waking up with a really bad headache?” I ask with a laugh.

“I wish. Luckily, they confirmed the pregnancy with pee. I had to carry a cup of Charlotte’s pee.” She scrunches her cute little nose up in disgust, her body shuddering under my hands that are still resting on her shoulders.

She waves her arm in the air and changes the subject.

“If you see me wash my right hand until the skin starts falling off, don’t ask any questions,” she informs me.

I try not to let it bother me that she takes a step back so I have no choice but to let my hands drop from her shoulders. One of these days I’m going to get this girl to let me touch her and not freak out about it.

“Enough of this mushy crap. Let’s move on to Humpy and why your penis likes to wear green dresses,” she says with a smirk. “I really don’t know if green is a good color for you.”

Remind me to never get drunk with Rosa again. Even if she did give me good advice before I passed out in a puddle of my own drool on our mother’s linoleum.

“My sister sent those texts, not me. She pumped me full of wine and then stole my phone. Like I’d really name my penis Humpy,” I scoff.

His name is Thor, obviously. He’s strong and slams it like a hammer. BOOM!

“I’ll explain the whole green dress banana thing in the car,” I promise, glancing down at my watch. “Right now, we have somewhere to be.”

Molly looks at me questioningly as I push her aside and open the passenger door to the van, holding it open for her.

“Get in, don’t ask any questions, and don’t give me that look for holding your door open like a decent gentleman,” I warn her. “It’s a surprise.”

I’m not kidding when I said Rosa gave me some good instructions, after she punched me repeatedly in the arm for staying away from Molly. She called me every curse word she could think of before she told me I was an idiot for being introduced as the baby daddy to her family and then leaving her alone to deal with that shit by herself. It never even occurred to me that her family would probably wonder where I’d been or ask her a million questions about why I hadn’t been around, and I knew I had to do something to make up for being such an idiot.

“I don’t like surprises,” she mutters as she gets into the passenger seat and pulls the seat belt around her.

“Suck it up, buttercup. You’ll like this one, I promise,” I assure her before shutting the door and walking around the front of the van to get behind the wheel. After spilling my guts to Rosa and telling her everything I knew about Molly and asking her for ideas on how to make myself look like a good guy and other romantic shit I could do to win her over, Rosa pointed out something so obvious that I wanted to punch myself in the arm that I didn’t come up with it first.

When I called a few people this morning, they were really excited about my idea and even let me make them feel guilty as shit for not doing it themselves. Listening to them kick themselves in the ass over the phone made me forgive them for the car wash ride and bag of dicks contest.

“You’re not going to get in trouble for leaving work early, are you?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.

“Nope, as a matter of fact, my mom sent me a text a half hour ago and told me to go home and put my feet up,” Molly explains. “My poor fake baby had a rough day.”

As I pull out of the parking lot and onto the street, I sneak a glance at Molly as she looks away from me to stare out the window. I really hope this doesn’t turn out to be a bad idea. I’ll never be able to console Thor if he doesn’t get to meet her.

Chapter 13

– Shocker Honor –

Molly

“SURPRISE!”

I freeze in the middle of my parent’s backyard when Marco and I round the side of the house and twenty-five people jump up from chairs and tables set up all around the yard.

Everyone starts clapping, hooting, whistling and chanting my name. Marco squeezes my hand and I tear my eyes away from the chaos to look up at him.

“If this is a pregnancy party or a stupid baby shower, I’m baking your balls at 500 degrees instead of the required 350,” I growl.

He laughs, letting go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulder and pull me against his side. I’m in too much shock to move away from him, and he smells so delicious and his body feels so good pressed against mine that I forget about my family wondering if I’ve lost my mind by letting a guy get all grabby-hands in public.

“No, silly girl. This is a graduation party.”

Looking around the yard again, I see what I missed during my initial shock from the shouting and seeing the yard filled with my entire extended family. A giant Happy Graduation sign hangs between two trees, a couple dozen cardboard graduation hats hang from all the branchesfile:///F:/Books/8362015/Baking and Babies - Tara Sivec.epub and the centerpieces on all the paper-covered tables are bouquets of sugar cookies cut out and frosted to look like pastry hats, wooden spoons, whisks and other baking items.

“You threw me a graduation party?” I whisper in awe as a few members of my family start walking across the yard towards us.

“I felt bad that this fake pregnancy thing overshadowed the biggest accomplishment of your life. Just so you know, they all felt really horrible they forgot,” he tells me.

It’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I have to bite down on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying like a baby.

“I was starting to feel like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles when her family forgot her birthday,” I whisper.

“Well then, you’ll be happy to know I did not sell a pair of your panties in the boy’s bathroom,” Marco announces proudly.

“Never, ever say the word panties again,” I warn him as my mom gets up to us and pulls me in for a hug.

“We are the worst people ever and I’m so sorry Molly,” she apologizes, raining kisses all over both my cheeks. “You should have smacked us in the face when we forgot to ask you about finals.”

She pulls away and holds me at arm’s length and I can see tears welling up in her eyes. Mom hates to cry in front of people just as much as I do, so I go easy on her before she starts snotting all over the place and embarrassing herself.

“Brace yourself, Mother. I’m joining Fight Club,” I announce, making two fists and bringing them up between us.

“I was being facetious. Don’t even think about punching me. I brought you into this world and I can—”

“Ooooh, bad call quoting Bill Cosby,” Dad interrupts. “Unless you plan on slipping a roofie in your daughter’s drink to make it more authentic.”

He pats Mom on the back and then moves her out of the way so he can give me his own hug. “Congratulations, baby girl. You worked your ass off, and I couldn’t be more proud.”

Uncle Carter, Aunt Claire, Uncle Drew, and Aunt Jenny each take their turns congratulating me, giving me hugs and apologizing for being assholes.

“It’s good to see you came back, M.O.,” Uncle Carter tells him, giving him a pat on the shoulder. “I thought for sure those hot dogs killed you, or at the very least you got a brain aneurism from the brushes at the car wash. You’re like a fucking cat!”

Aunt Claire looks at her husband in confusion. “Because he’s selfish and licks his own ass?”