“I think Georgia just broke up with me,” I said. Saying the words felt as bad as hearing them. I’d never been dumped. I was usually the dumper, not the dumpee. I was at a loss and I didn’t feel like hashing it out in a bar with Hoyt or Chayse who were both giving me their most pitying looks. I just wanted to call her back.

* * *

Twenty-nine messages and ten phone calls. That’s how many I sent, how many times I tried to call, before I started to feel completely hopeless. The word Delivered never showed up on my screen so I knew that she’d blocked me. Blocked me, like no thank you, do not want to ever hear from you again.

What the fuck did I do?

Nothing. I’d done nothing but love her. Maybe too much if that was possible.

“Give her a few a days,” Hoyt said the next day when I was trying to focus on riding. I’d cased my first jump, the bike landed wonky, slamming me and itself against the ground and almost tossing me off. “Maybe she just needs a little time to realize that she made a mistake.”

“I don’t know,” I said, the heavy sigh I felt building in my chest released as I shook my head. “Maybe I should go to Halstead. Demand that she tell me why.”

“You know why,” he said. “She’s scared. This isn’t exactly conventional, man.”

Oh I knew exactly why, that didn’t mean that I had to be okay with her decision, did it? I’d seen her fall apart. I knew that it made her nervous to think that something could happen to me, but I thought what we had was worth the risk. I thought that she was willing to take a chance.

“Well so am I,” I confessed. “Scared that she’s not going to change her mind.”

“You can’t go,” he said. “You know that Pilsner would be all over your ass if you skipped out on training. The exhibition is in two weeks and he’s counting on your comeback to help secure the new deal,” he paused. I hated that he was right. I knew that my loyalty to Throttled Energy would be thoroughly questioned if I left. The last thing I needed was to lose my livelihood too. “If you haven’t heard from her by then I’ll personally drive you back to Halstead if you want.” I nodded, but I knew exactly what he was thinking. “Maybe she isn’t strong enough,” he said, the look on his face clearly said he hated to be the bearer of bad news. “Your job is a lot to handle. You could get hurt,” he said. “Or worse. She’s already lost one guy she thought she’d spend her life with. Now she has to worry about someone with a job like yours. And let’s face it, Brett. This isn’t a job. It’s a lifestyle. A dangerous one.”

“So what do I do? Quit? Give up what I’ve worked so hard for and hope that she takes me back?” I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated beyond belief, tugging at it as I tried to make sense of it all. She didn’t want to be with me because I loved a job that might kill me. The idea of not riding stung almost as bad as losing her. How did I choose between the two things that made me feel the most alive?

“I didn’t say that.”

“Fuck,” I seethed, putting the kickstand of my bike down. It took everything I had not to kick the son of bitch over. I was frustrated and tired. I hadn’t slept. I hadn’t eaten anything that morning. All I wanted to do was talk to her and she wouldn’t answer her goddamn phone. “This is exactly why I never had a girlfriend.”

“It sucks, man,” Hoyt said, trying to comfort me. I felt bad for dumping this on him. I knew he had his own shit to worry about.

“Yeah it does,” I replied. I walked away from him and left my bike on the side of the track. I wasn’t in the mood to ride or to talk about it anymore. The dust kicked up around me as I walked back to the dormitory. I didn’t even have the option of being somewhere I felt comfortable. My apartment was thirty minutes away and my Airstream was in Halstead. With her.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I slapped my hand against one of the cinder block walls of the room. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Every breath was harder than the last to take. I looked at my phone, hoping that maybe she’d come around. That she’d unblocked my number and had responded. But there was nothing. I took a deep breath and sat on the bed, looking around a room that felt more like a prison cell than a home. The four walls were closing in on me and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Hoyt was right about me leaving, not to mention I didn’t know if there was even a reason to go to her. If she’d made up her mind about me—about us—would I just be wasting my breath? I couldn’t let these feelings destroy everything I worked so hard for. I wouldn’t be that guy that fell apart over some girl. If this is what she wanted then fuck it, she could have it. She could have it all.

I stood and walked over to the mirrored dresser that sat across the room. Staring at a man I barely recognized. I’d gotten soft. I’d let her weasel her way in and stupidly believed that love was enough to keep two people together. My teeth were gritted as I tried to settle myself down. I just wanted to not feel this way. The feelings of inadequacy or helplessness, it was all a waste of time. I’d focus on what I knew was a certainty. I was going to get on my bike in two weeks and wow the shit out of that sponsor. I was going to cement my place at the top of the heap right where I fucking belonged.

A false sense of calm came over me as I tried to channel my energy into work. If I wanted to forget about her I would. I started by grabbing the bottle of whiskey off my nightstand. I twisted the cap off and let it fall to the floor. I wouldn’t need it. I drained the remainder of the bottle and tossed it in the trashcan. I unpacked a set of clippers that I kept in my suitcase and added the blond hair she loved to run her fingers through to the trashcan. I didn’t want a single fucking memory of her. If she could avoid the undeniable pull between us, so could I.

I ran may hand over my freshly buzzed cut, and told the unrecognizable man in the mirror that I was going to be just fine without her.

“What do you think?” I asked my sister. Our tour of the winery had just finished up and we were waiting in a small tasting room for our guide to return. The grounds were beautifully maintained and the ideas for decorations were already flowing. “I love it.”

“This place is perfect,” Nora agreed as we walked over to a small table.

“I think so,” I agreed. “We’ll do the wedding in the chapel and the reception here in the main building. Aren’t these wood floors and brick walls fantastic?” I paused, thinking out the layout in my head. “And the beams,” I pointed up at the high ceilings. “So cool.” The space was very rustic and charming. “Maybe we could hang a few chandeliers. Really make a statement.” It was going to be the perfect backdrop for Nora and Reid’s I Do’s. “I think you could fit one hundred people comfortably. Maybe even one fifty. Have you even made a guest list yet?”

“We’ve—”

“And what are you thinking as far as colors? I think red is good color for a winter wedding, but I know how much Reid loves his Yamaha blue.” I laughed. “I will not wear a royal blue dress. Maybe we can compromise with a deep purple? Or just classic black.”

“Can you hold on for just a second,” Nora said, placing her arm on my shoulder. “Not that I don’t appreciate your help with the wedding, but I think maybe you’re avoiding what’s really on your mind. Can we talk about what happened with Brett now? I’ve let you distract yourself for long enough.”

“I’m not avoiding anything, Nora,” I insisted, tugging down the sleeves of my sweater. “Whatever that was with Brett is over now. Let’s focus on the future like you’re always saying. Your wedding is in the very near future and I want it to be perfect,” I huffed. I knew what she wanted from me, but like I told her when she arrived a day ago. I was fine. I’d made my peace with ending things with Brett. There was nothing to talk about.