“Can my kid call you Auntie?”

   I rushed to her just in time to feel her body start to shake with sobs. We stood in my new apartment, a pee stick between us, and I held her as she came to realize her life would never be the same.

   Thankfully, the guys made the longest beer and pizza run known to man, and by the time they returned, Liv was able to put on a good game face. She didn’t know when or how she was going to tell Devon, and I couldn’t offer her any advice. Had not one word of encouragement. I knew if I was pregnant, I would be completely broken. Devon and Liv had only been together a year, and now, a baby. We ate pizza, I declined beer as a sign of solidarity with Liv, and after we’d watched a movie, Liv and Devon left.

   I exhaled loudly as I rested my back against the door. I felt terrible for Liv, but couldn’t help but be thankful it wasn’t me. And that thought proved me to be a horrible friend.

   “Okay, what’s going on?” Elliot asked, still sitting on the couch, one ankle resting on his other knee.

   “What do you mean?” I replied, standing up straight and walking past him into the kitchen.

   “I mean,” he said as he stood, following me, “the two of you were acting weird ever since we got back. What’s up?”

   I was torn. I wasn’t used to keeping secrets from Elliot, but this was huge and not just normal gossip. “I don’t think I can tell you yet.” I picked up a dishtowel and started worrying it between my hands.

   “Babe, you can definitely tell me. Whatever is wrong, I’ll help you however I can.”

   His concern was evident and that only made me feel even guiltier for worrying him. “It’s not me; it’s Liv.”

   He frowned and his brow furrowed, and I knew he’d figure it out. When he did, I saw the shock come over his face. “She’s not…”

   “Yeah. Pregnant. Took the test while you guys were out getting pizza,” I sighed and tossed the dishtowel on the counter, dropping my head into my hands and massaging my temples. When I felt his body right in front of mine, I instinctively leaned into him, resting my forehead on his chest. His fingers found a soothing rhythm up and down my arms. I gripped his shirt and tipped my head up to look him in the eyes. “You cannot tell anyone, especially Devon. Promise.”

   “Of course,” he said before kissing my forehead. “Are you all right? This changes pretty much everything.”

   “I’m trying not to think about that.”

   He was quiet for a moment, steadily running his hands along my skin. “How did they even let this happen? Didn’t they use protection?”

   I steeled a little at his question, my best friend defense system kicking on, but then I realized that it was a valid question. “She missed a few days of her pill.”

   “And they weren’t using anything else?”

   I shook my head.

   “Damn,” he whispered.

   “What do you think Devon will do?”

   Elliot was quiet for a few moments, and then he sighed. “Honestly? I think he’ll marry her.”

   The ground dropped out from beneath me. The air simply vanished from my lungs. Every part of my body froze in panic. Never had five words ever caused so much of a physical reaction in me before. “Marry her?” The panic in my voice matched that of my body.

   “Whoa, babe, calm down.”

   I couldn’t breathe. “He can’t marry her.”

   “Hey,” he said as his hands gripped the sides of my face, bringing our eyes to the same level. “Breathe, Evie. Breathe.”

   I did breathe, but only because I started to cry. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me while I cried, and little by little, I could feel everything about my life unraveling. Eventually, after I’d completely broken down and tried to put myself back together, he took me into my bedroom and put my sheets on my mattress that was resting on the floor while I took a shower. When I lay down, he lay down with me, but I couldn’t touch him. He didn’t kiss every part of me like he’d promised, and I didn’t turn to him either.

Chapter Ten

Present Day

   I opened the door to the house and was surprised to hear voices coming from the kitchen. Usually, when I came in the mornings, the house was quiet because the children were still asleep. But from what I could hear, they were definitely awake.

   Laughter floated through the foyer along with the unmistakable scent of pancakes and bacon. When I stepped into the kitchen, I couldn’t help the surprised look on my face. The kids were dressed and sitting at the table. Devon was at the stove cooking. I stood there for just a moment, taking it all in, soaking in the sight of Devon with his children, all happy and smiling, together. It was a sight I hadn’t seen since before Olivia passed.

   Eventually, Ruby noticed my presence and alerted the other two.

   “Auntie Evie! Daddy’s making pancakes!”

   “I can see that,” I said, trying to force a smile on my face. When Devon turned to look at me, I saw the surprise come over his face too. Apparently, we were both caught off guard by each other that morning.

   “Evie,” he said, sounding as if he was seeing me after years of being gone.

   “You know how to make pancakes?” I couldn’t remember a time when he’d made a breakfast besides cereal or toast.

   “I never have before,” he said carefully, and I could see he was trying to figure out what to say next. “I didn’t expect you here today. Didn’t think you’d come. So I got the kids up and decided to try my hand at a real breakfast.”

   I knew why he didn’t expect me. Hell, when I woke up that morning I didn’t think I was going over there either. But then the guilt showed up and I imagined the kids’ faces when they realized I wasn’t there, and I decided any uncomfortableness I faced would be worth it if it saved the kids some sadness. Besides, I’d been pretending for nine years that everything was fine between Devon and me, why should that day be any different?

   “Don’t look in the trash though,” he said, his voice lighter, turning back to the stove. “It’s like a burnt pancake graveyard.”

   “Daddy made icky, black ones,” Jax said from his chair, his mouth half full of what I assumed wasn’t an icky black pancake.

   “Yeah, they smelled really bad,” Ruby added.

   “Well, in your daddy’s defense, the first pancake always burns. That’s just the way of pancakes.”

   “Yeah, but Daddy threw away, like, fifteen pancakes.”

   “Icky, black ones,” Jax added.

   “How’s the laundry room?” I asked, trying to avoid any conversation that would cause tension between us.

   “Well, the floor’s ruined and I think the bottom portion of the walls too. I have to go to the hardware store soon and rent some industrial fans to try to dry the place out a little more. My insurance company is sending over a contractor to look at the damage.”

   “Wow. You’ve accomplished a lot this morning,” I said, peeking down the hallway.

   “I couldn’t really sleep,” he said, his voice thicker, full of meaning. I tamped down the urge I felt to turn and look at him, to see if his eyes were full of longing. It was a masochistic urge and I was done torturing myself. “The insurance company said I needed to take pictures of the damage. I was going to do it myself, but since you’re here and all, do you think you could?”

   “Definitely.” Could I pick up a camera and use it as a shield against all my emotions? I was actually, very good at that.

   “Actually, if you could get the kids ready for school, I could drop Jaxy off at preschool and run to the store to get the fan real quick before the contractor gets here.”

   “I’m here to help,” I said, plastering a fake smile on my face.

   “And my mom said I’d never use my visual arts degree,” I said to myself as I snapped pictures of Devon’s waterlogged walls. Everything was damp. The floor was soft and the entire area that had been flooded looked terrible. I moved out of the laundry room and down the hall, taking pictures of anything and everything that looked affected by the water. Minutes later, when the doorbell rang, I thought I’d gotten all the pictures I needed. I placed my camera on the kitchen island as I walked past and opened the door with a smile.