Swearing, Falon sat on the edge of the mattress. It didn’t matter what she looked like in those moments when he lied and said she didn’t matter, that she was only icing on the cake. It was all a game to her anyway. None of it was real. The why did it feel like he was throwing away something so rare he may never find it again? Because, he let his stupid heart go and fall in love with the woman. He should have listened to his brain, but every time Sarah was near his heart spoke so much louder. It took letting her take control, trusting her to not let him fall to see how loud that voice was. And where did it leave him? Abso-fucking-lutely nowhere.
He ignored his conscience as it reared its head, reminding him he had set out to use her as his own private plaything. But that was before. Before she worked her way under his skin and stole a part of him he would never get back. So maybe it was partly his hurt pride that made him jump to conclusions about the conversation he overheard but it didn’t change what Sarah had done. He could deal with a lot of shit from people but someone deliberately working their way beyond his walls to bring him down from the inside was unforgivable.
He never should have let her get close. He should have kept her at the cold distance he kept every other woman, but there was something about her that had spoken to him. He wanted her to know him, his past. His deepest secrets, he wanted her to understand the man he had become. She was right when she said he had changed from the man she watched from afar nine years ago. For the first time, he wanted someone to understand the true motivation for those changes.
Scrubbing a hand over his face, he glanced at the red glow of the clock. If he wasn’t going to sleep, he might as well get some work done. The sooner he could finish this job he never should have taken the sooner he could get out of Chicago. God, he should have never come back here.
Chapter Twelve
“What are you doing Sarah?”
“Uh-working. I thought that would be pretty obvious,” she answered without looking up from her computer monitor.
“That’s not what I meant.” Marcy moved further into the room. “So you’re just going to ignore it then?”
“Ignore what?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that Falon Wolfe walked out of here with Ginny Green attached to his arm like the blood sucking parasite she is.”
Sarah had forgotten Ginny was stopping by the agency that morning to meet with Marcy. They were to go over the new strategies Falon had devised, to reassure Ginny she didn’t need to hunt for new representation. The blond got one look and Falon and had been all over him. She tittered and teased her way into convincing him to join her for lunch. Sarah watched them slink out of the building, the ache in her chest growing with each step Falon took away from her.
“She’s your client, Marcy.” She moved her mouse around a bit, clicking on an empty space on the desktop. She wasn’t really working on anything. She was hiding. Hiding from the fact that Falon had broken a hole open in her chest she could still feel bleeding and from the fact that he didn’t seem to care.
When she walked into the office this morning, he was already there. She stood frozen a few feet from the glass that separated him, watching him work. He looked slightly rumpled and it gave her hope that he had spent the night regretting the way they left things. He must have sensed her eyes on him because he moved his gaze from his work to her. The frigid indifference there killed what little hope she had he regretted his words.
“Yes, she is my client.” Marcy broke through her pity party. “And as her agent I am the first person to know her character flaws. Trust me when I say Ginny Green is a predator. Once she sinks her claws into a man, he has no hope.”
She tried not to wince at the picture Marcy was painting. Confident the other woman didn’t know Falon as well as she did, Sarah couldn’t help thinking Marcy couldn’t be more wrong. When she said as much, Marcy snorted in disbelief.
“That girl has more man snaring skills than should be allowed. How are you so sure she won’t get her hooks into your man?”
“He’s too cold to let a woman get anywhere near any bit of him that matters,” Sarah answered in a small voice, remembering the words Falon threw at her the night before. She had thought they had connected on a level even he couldn’t deny. She thought there was something special growing between them, but his declaration of her just being a bonus of the job sent those dreams scattering in the wind. He left her standing alone to pick up the shattered pieced of her heart, just like he did nine years earlier. When would she ever learn?
“He made his choice. What do you expect me to be doing, sobbing to Olivia Newton-John singing Hopelessly Devoted To You while eating bonbons wishing he’d come back?”
“You know, that’s the problem with you. You never fight for what you want.”
Her eyes shot to her friend’s. “Are you saying I’m weak?”
“No, honey. It takes someone stronger than most people to let their dreams go without a fight.” Marcy sighed. “What I’m saying is you’re not selfish enough to hang on to what you want. You love him, right? Then be selfish. Go after him. Pester him until he gives in and hears you out. Don’t let him walk away from you. Fight dammit. Or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
There was a palpable pain in Marcy’s voice that had her wondering if the other woman was speaking from experience. She studied her friend for a minute. Her usual go-to attitude was dimmed by some past pain that made her both ache for her and curious to hear the story.
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Marcy. I really do, but there’s nothing to be done. I can’t force a man to love me who sees me as just another perk of the job.”
“Is that what you want? For him to love you?”
“Doesn’t every woman want the man they love to return the sentiment?”
She sat up straighter in her chair as panic overtook her. She hadn’t meant to confess her feelings for the man. Her fearful eyes met Marcy’s understanding gaze, begging her to forget what she just said.
“I see.” Marcy stood and looked down into Sarah’s desperate eyes. “I’m truly sorry for my role in this Sarah. You’ll never know how sorry I am for what was said and if I could take it all back I would. Just remember, we hurt the ones we love the most. When a man’s pride is wounded and his love rejected, he’ll try to pay that pain back.”
She sat, staring into the empty space her friend had just left. She didn’t blame Marcy, not really. Last night when everything was still fresh she had railed at the woman for opening her big mouth and saying too much. When she calmed down and began to see things clearly, she realized she should be thanking Marcy. She was building something with Falon based on a lie and that wasn’t the way to start a relationship, not if she wanted it to last. She was grateful for Marcy for being the catalyst that brought everything to an end before she got in any further and Falon walked away from her at the end of his time in the city with nothing more than a ‘nice to know you’ and a brush of lips on her cheek. She had felt cheap the night before, but the thought of him ending things that way made her cringe.
The truth was, Marcy opened her eyes to her own delusions. She had confused Falon’s lust for her with something lasting, something they could have built a life on. She had been kidding herself to think she could be strong enough to reach a man held under such tight control. The connection she felt was probably another tactic he used to get women into bed.
He admitted to using her, yet had the audacity to accuse her of playing games. Wasn’t he as much to blame for the way things turned out as she was? At least she had actually become emotionally invested. She had fallen for the man and he was just in it for the hot sex. She let her anger at the man build. Anything was better than the sinking feeling of letting go of the only love she’ll ever know.