“I’m trying,” I answer, feeling lighter than I have in a long time. The guilt weighing so heavily on my heart slowly starts to deplete.

“Take care and be happy, Sy.” She breaks the moment of silence and walks away.

“I am,” I softly reply, knowing that now, I can let it all go.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

Holly

“Yes, Sy,” I moan as my body spirals out of control.

“That’s it, baby. Take it. It's all yours. Milk my cock with that sweet cunt of yours,” he rumbles, driving me into complete ecstasy just like every other time he talks filthy to me. I let the feelings of bliss and excitement flow through me when his calloused fingers find my sweet spot.

“I wanna hear you, Holly.” His husky demand isn't lost on me. I know what he wants, what he always wants, and if I want what I know he can deliver, then I have to give it to him.

“Fuck me, Sy,” I shout as I hit the first peak at his command.

“Tell me how much you want my cum,” he rumbles as his strokes become more uncontrollable the longer this goes on.

“I want it, Sy,” I moan, giving him what he needs, what I need.

“Beg,” he urges, leaning down and hovering over my mouth. He knows he's got me right where he wants; on the edge of supreme ecstasy and I can't go back. I'm too close. He knows it and I know it. I need him to finish. I need him to take me home.

“Fucking give it to me, Holly,” he shouts, sending me into a tailspin.

“I need it. Yes, give it to me,” I scream, surrendering to him as his teeth sink into my bottom lip setting off a spectacular kaleidoscope of colors and emotions.

“Fuck!” he drags out as his orgasm takes over and he loses all of himself inside of me.

“Oh. My. God,” I breathe, coming down from yet another uninhibited and explosive orgasm.

“What did I tell you about God?” Sy asks, resting his sweaty forehead to mine.

“Oh. My. Sy,” I correct, still feeling his cock pulse in the aftermath of his release.

“Don't forget it,” he warns with a glint in his eye.

“Like you forgot we were trying to be safe?” I cock my brow at him. I might have just begged for it, but that was under duress. Sy smirks as he watches me like a cat that ate the canary. He knows what he's doing, and I've given up arguing with him about it. It may be stupid, but Sy has it set in his mind that we are making a baby whether I want to or not. Luckily, the idea doesn't freak me out as much as I thought it would. I know a part of me wants to reach out and try to fill the void left over losing our child, but I know deep down even if it was to be filled entirely with a new baby, it still would remain as something else. Something I wouldn’t want to lose because I wouldn’t ever want to relinquish the knowledge that we had suffered a loss which was part of us. I wouldn’t want to replace one child for another, but the thought of carrying again makes me feel like it could help stitch the hole in my heart that feels so empty.

“Fuck, I love you,” he says, dropping his weight on me. I love it when he gets like this; when even just holding himself up after making love is too much for him.

“I love you, too,” I wheeze out. “Now get off me, you heavy ass. I can't breathe,” I complain, breaking our moment.

“It’s okay, baby. You stop breathing, I’ll breathe life right back into you.” He kisses me again, only this time taking a real breath out of me.

“I love you, Sy. I love you more than anything.” I hold his face and mean every single ounce of it. In the last few weeks, something has changed in him. Ever since he went back to visit Katie, there has been a peace to him. The anger and fear he kept hidden seems to have lifted. He still hasn’t opened up to the club about his past, but I respect his decision, and when the time is right, he will tell them.

“You want a shower, or you want me to clean you up?” he asks slowly, letting himself fall from me.

“Shower.” If we don’t get up, we’ll end up staying in bed all day, and I need to get ready for Jesse’s party soon.

“Okay,” he says, moving over me and kissing me until my phone ringing interrupts him. “Fuck.” He reaches over to answer it.

“Just leave it,” I say, wanting to get in the shower, but it’s too late. He’s already answering it.

“What?” he shouts out in the way of answering. I hold back my smile knowing Sy is hard and almost always harsh, yet when we are alone, he’s anything but. “Now?” he barks, pulling away from me and sitting back. “She’s busy right now,” he growls, rubbing his face in frustration.

“What’s going on?” I ask, trying to get my phone off him.

“I’ll let her know,” he says before hanging up.

“You can't just answer my phone, Sy. Who was it?”

“Kadence,” he growls, resting his weight back on me.

“Well, what did she want?” I ask, waiting for a response when he starts kissing me instead of telling me.

“She said the cake is ready and needs to be picked up.”

“Ahh, shit,” I curse, completely forgetting about it.

“I’ll go and pick it up for you,” he offers, knowing I have heaps to do today. It's Jesse's surprise party and I'm the sucker who agreed to help organize it.

“No shower then?” I ask disappointed.

“We’ll have one later, when I make you dirty again,” he promises, climbing off me to run my errand.

“Can’t you do that now? Quickly?” I ask innocently, wishing that the damn party hadn’t taken up all my time the last few weeks. It was Kadence’s idea to throw the damn party in the first place. As soon as she heard it was Jesse’s birthday, she wanted to do something for him, but in the last week she hasn’t felt well, so I was stuck with the hard work.

“Baby, I just fucked you and made you dirty, and you wanna go again?” he asks, moving back to the bed.

“Mmmm,” I moan when his hand trails between my legs. “Please?” I whimper, feeling his finger drag through our combined cum that’s slowly starting to leak out.

“My cum is still dripping out of you and you want to go again. You have a greedy pussy, Holly,” he accuses, sinking his finger back into me.

“Oh, my God. Don’t say that. You make me sound like a dirty whore when I just want you,” I cry, bringing the covers over my head.

“Don’t act cute. You’ll make it harder for me to leave.” He crawls over me, pulls the covers off and kisses me. I don’t let the kiss drag me in, only letting it give me just enough to keep me sated until I see him again.

“Go,” I push him away when I feel my composure slip. He huffs when he climbs back out of bed and walks away. “Miss me.” I grin as he opens the door.

“Already do,” he calls back. And if the smile on my face is anything to go by, I know all is right in our world.

***

“Come on, Holly,” Sy pleads, trying to pull me back to bed.

“Sy, I’m going to be late.” I push him back, trying to get away from him.

“I don’t know why we can't just have a fucking party at the clubhouse,” Sy complains, sitting up and watching me. After going to get the cake for me and dropping it off at Liquid for the party, he came back and decided he would complain about everything that’s happening tonight.

“‘Cause it seems fitting that we have it at Jesse’s favorite place. Besides, Jesse’s family is coming and they thought it would be better if we had it at Liquid.”

“Fuck, are they all going to be there?” he questions, making me stop and look up.

“I think so, why?” I panic when I see the look on his face.

“I’m just surprised,” he says, looking floored. I don’t tell him that I spoke to Jesse's dad, who was adamant he wouldn't come if the party were at the clubhouse. I didn’t want to argue with him, or any of his family, who all voiced the same demands.

“Don’t be. It's Jesse we're talking about here. Everyone loves him. It’s going to be great, but I have to go,” I advise him, almost tripping over one of his boots. “Sy,” I whine, recovering and kicking it out of my way.